Welcome to TP
You are all in a very tricky situation - dealing with this from a distance is not going to be easy. Is there anyone who can help your Mother and get things sorted out for you and for her
This is pretty standard advice for starters and you will have to work out how you can manage this long distance (sorry I have no experience of that, my Ma lived less than 3 minutes walk away - I could do it at a run in less than a minute!)
You can phone Social Services Adult Care Duty Desk and ask for an assessment if there have been no recommendations from the Unit - services like carers visiting to help with the daily routine/personal care or day care that should be an option - a day centre where your OH can go for lunch and activities. As well as our social services centre we also have Crossroads Day Centre where people can go for up to 3 days
It is worth googling Dementia activities + your area to see what is going on. There is probably a fair bit but you need to search for it. Some care homes also do 'day care' which can be useful but I would try the day centres first
You can also ask for a carers assessment - this will give you a break and give you some 'free' hours of help possibly. it might seem early days to be thinking of a 'break' but a few hours here and there is a good idea from as early on as you can.
If you are not already getting it do apply for Attendance Allowance - the forms are a bit tricky in that you have to imagine the worst possible day and write down the help that OH needs (not the help that he gets but what he NEEDS). Attendance Allowance is not means tested and you should get it, if you need some help with the forms come back and ask Age UK are really good at helping with assessing what benefits you can claim and then they also help you fill in the forms - someone will come to your house. Age UK are also very good at practical advice and help - Age UK Advice line free national advice line that is open 365 days a year 24 hours a day. To talk to someone, just call 0800 169 2081.
I would strongly advise you to join your local carers organisation - they usually have a carers cafe (and so do Alzheimers society in some areas) and it is worth a morning off to go and find out what help there is in your area over a cup of coffee - lots of friendship and support face to face and everyone in the same boat.
If there are issues with incontinence all areas have a continence service - you will need to look up your Trust or google your area plus Continence Service. The continence nurses we have had have been wonderful and pads are supplied free by the NHS.
The Dementia helpline is a useful number to have
lzheimer's Society National Dementia Helpline 0300 222 1122 can provide information, support, guidance and signposting to other appropriate organisations.
The Helpline is usually open from:
9am - 8pm Monday to Wednesday
9am - 5pm on Thursday and Friday
10am - 4pm on Saturday and Sunday
In the UK in some areas there are Admiral Nurses who will visit people with dementia - you would need to google to see if this service is in your Mum's area and if so it would be worth contacting them as a matter of urgency and explaining she is coping with this alone
