1. Our next Q&A session is on the topic of Christmas and dementia.This time we want our Q&A to involve our resident experts, you! Share tips and advice on navigating Christmas here in this thread.

    Pop by and post your questions or if you prefer you can email your question to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.
  1. Sparrowlegs

    Sparrowlegs Registered User

    Jul 9, 2015
    When my mum was diagnosed early onset it was pretty full on and she had detoriated quite quickly. So to help me out she went into respite. I know have a best interest meeting and just not sure what is best for my mum and what to expect from now on? I am 35 mum is 62 is there anyone else out there who is similar age etc and gets all this?

    Mum is very unsteady on her feet and in two weeks at the home has fallen 24 times she fell everyday at home before she went in, she never pines for home when I'm not mentioned but as soon as she speaks or sees me she cries and wants to come home. I'm just not sure what to do and how to learn to talk to my mum, now that she isn't fully aware. But then how much is she aware of?
  2. Grey Lad

    Grey Lad Registered User

    Sep 12, 2014
    North East Lincs
    This must be very hard for you. I am sure others will be along soon who can give you sound advice. Our situation is very different from yours so I am not in a position to share experiences. G L
  3. Mrsbusy

    Mrsbusy Registered User

    Aug 15, 2015
    I'm not in a position similar to yours but I can tell you we all feel overwhelmed with our situations so understand your feelings and fears.

    In respect of the falls that seems a lot of falls to me, have these been looked into eg does she feel dizzy, blood pressure checked etc or is due to muscle tone becoming weaker in legs? Maybe ask in case it's something else causing this. May even be her losing her balance with an ear infection.

    She maybe gets upset when she sees you as it brings back the feelings etc that she remembers as a Mum of bringing you up etc and maybe remembers her previous life even though maybe fuzzy to her. If you can reassure her in a calm way, but tell her that you will visit her but the doctors need to help her at the minute and that's what they are trying to do and that's why she's there for a while. Just be hazy in details and put the blame on third parties, and change the subject to what she's being doing or how the weather is etc. maybe if you took her something in to either talk about eg photo or a new scarf etc or something she likes to eat it may take her mind of getting upset when she sees you. Try to stay positive when she gets upset by saying it's lovely to see you too, and maybe then get her talking about something else rather than allowing her to dwell on her emotions.

    If she isn't upset when you aren't there it's a case of out of sight out if mind I would imagine so in some ways that's good that at least she's ok when you aren't there which must help you feel better about her being there.

    The meeting I believe is where all the people involved in your mothers care will discuss their observations, findings and recommendations and try to reach a conclusion which should be in her best interest but involve you to see if you are in agreement and understand what they are suggesting. If you don't then don't be afraid to ask that's the purpose of the meeting, and if you don't agree with anything say so, you are your mothers voice after all.

    I hope I have helped but I'm sure someone else will be along soon with more experience. Lots of advice here on this website so visit often.
  4. ADaughterInLaw

    ADaughterInLaw Registered User

    Jun 29, 2015
    Hi, this sounds really difficult for you. My mother-in-law was also diagnosed with early onset dementia (late 60's), I'm in my 30's and my husband in 40's. For quite a long time we tried to manage with caring for her at home, but in the end we had to admit to ourselves that it just wasn't the best thing for her and she would be much safer in a home where we could visit regularly. We have also found that she can get upset when she sees us but otherwise she seems to be very happy (there are other problems with her behaviour but that's a whole other story)!
    I would agree with perhaps gently distracting / changing the subject if she talks about home and becomes very upset by it. Perhaps you could have some items / props to hand that could then help focus attention - some old songs she likes / photos / films.
    I'm afraid I can't advise re falls, but agree it does seem like she's falling an awful lot and so maybe this needs looking into.
  5. Sparrowlegs

    Sparrowlegs Registered User

    Jul 9, 2015
    Her falls have been looked into she was in hospital for two weeks having all the tests under the sun. They think it's a combination of mind wants to run but body can't, she doesn't use her frame and mobility is part of the brain affected.

    Your reply was very enlightening and I thank you for it

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