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Not sure what the next stage is


Registered User
May 26, 2015
Hello everyone. My name is Theresa and my mum has had dementia now for the last six years. We were able to get her into a very sheltered flat where care staff would come n and give her the medication she needs and also cook her meals. We could take her out and she would be able to talk with us and know what was going on around her. The last two years have seen a change in mum where she started to shake and could not feed herself so the care package was increased, we were still bathing her and making sure she was fine on daily visits. Mum kept having these funny turns her GP thought they were ITA at one stage the GP told us that mum was very ill and it could be the beginning of the end. Mum pulled through yet again but it left her more confused and not able to form a sentence to any degree. I made the choice that really mum should now move to a nursing home. We found a great one a few miles from where my brother, sister and I live and after her settling in period she seems happy but can you really tell when our loved ones can no longer tell us how they feel. On my last visit on Monday I experieced for the first time mum shouting out to people who were not there, she has always seen things and people before but never spoken out loud to them. She walks around all day from chair to chair can no longer tell me what she wants or make a choice, if I ask her if she would like to go into the garden she just gives me a blank look. When I was about to leave she kept calling me back saying you are going to leave me here and never come back I know she does not say this to my brother and sister is it just me she seems to relate to I am so confused myself.

No one has really told us what type of dementia mum has and and what stage she is. She is losing weight and has fallen a couple of times lucky no bones broken. Walking backwards is a problem as she seems to do it all the time now. I suppose what I really am asking is. Is this normal and how to deal with it all. I feel guilty only going to see her twice a week my sister also goes twice a week on different days to me and my brother one day a week. I can no longer bear seeing my mum change from the lovely gentle lady she was to someone who no longer knows what day it is.

It is nice to have this forum to say things that you really can not express to family and friends so thank you for maybe reading this and understanding.


Registered User
Oct 18, 2010
North East England
Hi Widdy and welcome.
I'm sorry to say that all you have posted seems sadly perfectly normal to me, either because my late Mum suffered from similar or from others' experienced her on TP.
Hallucinations, shouting out, anger, inability to make choices, falling, walking diffiiculties, food issues, incontinence problems, sleeping, not sleeping the list is endless.

How do you really know that your loved one is happy?...most of the time it is guesswork. How do you know if you've done the right thing?.... ditto....
But as long as the choices were made with the best of intentions of making their life better or more comfortable or safer and there have been no accidents or incidents to prove that your choice was faulted, you can be reasonable sure that the plan is good.
Dementia makes sufferers of all concerned and not just the patient but sometimes ( just sometimes) all concerned are closer and nicer and gain from the experiences.

There will always be good days and bad days....I hope for lots of good days for you.