Not sure what stage were at now

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by pevensey, May 18, 2019 at 12:21 AM.

  1. pevensey

    pevensey Registered User

    Feb 14, 2012
    19
    My OH has vasculer dementia and when he was diagnosed 3 years ago we were told he could have mixed dementia. He wasnt too bad really up till about 8 months ago, when his walking got quite difficult for him although he could manage to go out on his own as long as it wasnt too far. But now fast forward 6 months and his mobility is extremely bad, barely able to walk at all, IF he goes out it must be with me and a ten min walk will take us about 25 mins, he hangs on to me for fear life and stick in other hand, so he will only go out if he really has to which is our local GP which is 2 min walk but takes him 10 mins, it's very very difficult for us both. His mental state is deteriorating also quite fast, he can't answer questions, or I'm not sure he really understands what Im saying sometimes, his speech is getting very slurred like he can't pronounce his words, and his writing is getting scrawny. He is finding it difficult to walk about indoors also a d has a few falls the last couple weeks, He is sleeping a lot too, although when he's sitting and then suddenly goes to sleep its easier cos I know he's peaceful then. When I hear of other people with dementia they either have poor mobility OR poor memory and other mental issues but my OH seems to have Bad mobility AND bad mental problems, I'm really wanting to go to my sister for 2 days but have no one to stay with him my daughter would take me to sister as its 4 hour drive and I dont drive, I know he wont go to respite so I haven't mentioned the subject but I would love just a couple days away from everything. But I know this goes in stages and wondered what stage he could be at now.
    Sorry this was long and drawn out, I just wanted to explain how my unhappy husband is, at that's the worse part, I think it would be easier if he didn't know what was going on in his world but he does and it's so distressing for him, he now can't do anything indoors except sit in armchair although he does TRY to wash himself sitting on stool but he's worried he's going to fall and he wont let me help him, very stubborn.
    I go to bed at night and read or go on my tablet cos I dont want to go to sleep, because then it will be morning and it all starts again. I'm waiting to see if we get a grant for a walk in shower, so fingers crossed for that.
     
  2. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    2,441
    Nottinghamshire
    Hi @pevensey.

    It's more difficult to say with Vascular dementia how long stages will last. My aunt presented in a similar way to your husband. She had difficulty walking or even standing towards the end and couldn't always find the words she wanted but she was still sharp in many ways.

    One of the ladies on here persuaded her husband to go into respite by selling it to him as a holiday with nurses. Her husband is also very aware but he loved his little holiday. Perhaps this could work for you?
     
  3. karaokePete

    karaokePete Volunteer Host

    Jul 23, 2017
    4,689
    Male
    N Ireland
    Hello @pevensey, that does sound as if your OH is at quite a late stage and you seem to be having a difficult time.

    You do seem to need a break and you both seem to need help. The first thing that strikes me is that you don’t mention carers. I wonder if you have both had the care needs assessments to which you are entitled and to that end I’m enclosing a link to the relevant Society Factsheet which will tell you how to go about seeking this. I have also enclosed a link to the Factsheet about respite care.

    Don’t ask your OH if he wants to go to respite or accept careers as agreement may never come. There is a time when need trumps wants and you seem to be at that stage. Others with experience of your situation may be along to advise how they managed things.

    Just click the 2nd lines of the links to read and/or print the documents

    https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/help-dementia-care/replacement-care-respite-care-england
    https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/media/991


    https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/legal-financial/assessment-care-support-england
    https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/media/8211
     
  4. pevensey

    pevensey Registered User

    Feb 14, 2012
    19
    Thankyou Bunpoots for your reply to my post, yes I've heard its can be difficult to determine what stage it is with vasculer, although I think hubby is mixed dementia,
    Although 85% of the time he is confused and agitated and hardly able to walk stumbles a lot, there are times that he's quite quick witted , its seems to come from nowhere. I'm just not sure what to expect next, today has been a bad day, hes been sitting with his head in his hands saying it feels like his head is in a washing machine ?? I'm really would love to visit my sister my daughter would drive me ots about 4 hours so would have to stay over night but I just know he wouldn't agree to go into respite, and hes very stubborn that's one of his old feeling that hes still got, being stubborn.Ive got app with doctor next week to bring him up to date on how he has deteriorated this past 6 months so will ask his advice.
    You take care Bunpootss look after yourself.
     
  5. pevensey

    pevensey Registered User

    Feb 14, 2012
    19
    Hi karaoke Pete, thankyou for sending that link, it was quite interesting to read. and will try and do some of the things it suggests, my son WOULD come and stay for couple days all though it would be reluctantly, they dont get on all that well although my son has been trying to chat with him and asked him to go for drink up our local pub about 5 mins walk away but he wouldn't be able to walk that far.l keep thinking how is he going to be this time next year and will he have to be on care, I always promised him I would never do that but it was years ago before he was ill.
    Thankyou again I'll let you know how I get on with respite.
    Take care
     

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