Not sure what I am doing

Margaret W

Registered User
Apr 28, 2007
3,725
North Derbyshire
I don't know how to use these "threads", just trying.

Mum went into a care home on Friday, no choice as she has been roaming at night back at home, but no sign of that in the care home, so I start to wonder if it was just temporary, and she could perhaps go home again - any thoughts?

Pychiatrist says not, so she is in the best care home we could find and I don't like it. I DID like it when we looked at it, but it doesn't seem to provide what it said it would. Food, said a choice of menus, no choice, activities, lots, but none so far. Inmates seem to just sit around the telly, none of them can hear it, there is no conversation between them, they just sit watching the telly. That is no use for my mum. What do I do? She wants conversation, activities, stimulation, alll the other residents seem to be be out of it entirely. I took her for a walk out on Sunday to a local park, thought she would love it, but she just came out of duty almost, and didn't seem to enjoy it, found it a bit of a chore. And six weeks ago she was living on her own and happy. Now she is so sad. What can I do?

Margaret
 

Nell

Registered User
Aug 9, 2005
1,170
68
Australia
Dear Margaret,
This is so unsettling and worrying for you. I cannot speculate on whether your Mum would or would not start wandering again, but in other matters there are things you can do.

In Mum's home they choose their meals every 6 weeks - I daresay something similar is operating in your Mum's home. Possibly they are mid-cycle at present?? Anyway, I'd just ask the Home staff about it.

Can she have a TV of her own? Mum does and she can choose what she wants to watch.

Are there activities organised? Mum is not much for activities but many of the other residents in Mum's home enjoy them.

Could you ask the staff if there are other residents she could meet who are "at her stage" so she could have more llively social interaction??

My last comment is that sadly, people with dementia are often not very interested in being "social" - even if they were social beings previously. Your Mum may not be missing the interaction as much as you dread.

I do so hope it all works out well for you.
 

Margaret W

Registered User
Apr 28, 2007
3,725
North Derbyshire
Mum's boredom

Thanks Neil, but mum is definitely bored. She is just not at the stage of the others, perhaps she is younger at only 80, but there are a few who seem to be similar age. I asked the staff that she be put with someone near to her needs, and she has made a friend at least, but the boredom is excrutiating. Yes, they do things with them, she has played bingo and did some colouring (what?), she thought it was pointless but did it anyway, for something to do. She really wants to be back at home, cooking, cleaning and washing, but it can't be. I wish the home would be able to tell residents they had to bring their washing to a particular point (so far she has had no washing done, not even her knickers), and that they had to do their own ironing.

Mum just doesn't see this as her home for the rest of her life, she is just waiting to die I think, she has said so. I don't know what to do. I am so upset about it all.

Regards

Margaret
 

allylee

Registered User
Feb 28, 2005
180
56
west mids
Hi Margaret,

similar to my mum who has been very physically active and was frustrated and bored in the care home, even though they did provide activities, they werent what she wanted to do.(board games, crosswords , bingo).
Mum is in her second care home since March , and both recognised her need for keeping busy. She polishes, waters plants, sets the tables and folds laundry and this gives her a sense of purpose.

With regards to trips out. I used to take mum out a lot but she became agitated , persistently asking for bus fare to get home , it seemed to add to her confusion.
Ive come to terms with not taking her out now, we have walks around the garden instead and she does seem more settled.

Im sure if you ask the staff they will give your mum some practical jobs to do .
Good luck
Ally x
 

BeckyJan

Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
18,972
Derbyshire
Margaret, I do sympathise with you.

My husband is always bored! He will not try new things. One of my first posts was to ask the question, what can I get him to do? I have tried numerous things but as said before 'new' hobbies are not on for Alz. sufferers.

I have tried to introduce painting, drawing, colouring, caligraphy (he likes sitting at his desk!). Tried computer etc etc. Nowadays I just take him out for rides but he isn't always interested in that.

The only thing that is successful presently is our trips to the library (Buxton). He chooses his own books (albeit the same ones as soon as the librarian replaces them!!). Then he reads or dismisses them but he feels responsible for his own choice.

Unless you truly feel that your Mum is being neglected, I would be inclined to leave her a few more weeks - once she has 'forgotten' her life in her own home, she may settle down. I wonder if she is not being very responsive when the staff try to include her? - I can imagine my husband being like that cos he would hate someone 'jollying' him along.

I think the idea of persuading the staff to let her water plants, polish, etc. is lovely - worth a try with them.

Good luck - let us know how things go.
Beckyjan
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,678
Kent
This is one of the reasons I think my husband is always wanting to `go home`. His childhood home was full of extended family, with lots of comings and goings and, I imagine, no chance to be bored or lonely.

Now we are two, with the odd family visit, and he is lonely and bored. All suggestions are not what he wants to do, he want to go home. That`s the only place that has any attraction for him.

It`s a shame he can`t remeber the reasons he left in the first place.............because there was no privacy and too much interference.
 

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