Not sure if my Mom has Sundowners

[Siddo]

Two and half months ago my Mother had a fall in a local McDonalds Restaurant resulting in a broken arm. Repairing the arm required a three hour surgery and in addition to a rod being need to repair the humoral break, the surgeon had to replace her should as well. My Mother stayed at a rehabilitation facility four three weeks and was then discharged and returned home. Since I am an only child, I had to leave my own home and move in with her. My Mom had temporary home health care including occupational and physical therapists, a Speech Language Pathologist, nurse, and nurses aid to bathe her. She received these services for a month, but now they are ending since they have determined that she can care for herself Which is totally not the truth. I cook, clean, do laundry, prepare her medication, aid her in toileting, and pay her bills. In observations of my Mom, who is 89 years of age, I do not believe that she will ever be able to care for herself again and most recently she has begun having conversations with people who are not there. Sometimes she will tell me about this as if it is normal and the temporary nurse that she had told me that seniors can sometimes be effected by the anesthetic from surgery and that this is usually only temporary. However, I don’t believe this because these episodes have increased in frequency. Additionally, my Mother has also begun to refuse to do certain tasks like paying her bills and her rent. My Mother shares a house with her sister who I also cared for until she had to be placed in a skilled nursing facility. One of her sons has come from out of town to help and now he has power of attorney and has asked me about my Mother’s back rent. I told him that he needs to discuss this with his Mother and my Mother and he has said that he would. He Aldo has said that my Mom might be able yo continue to live her if she is willing to take on paying for all of the home maintenance which she cannot afford. So, I have become extremely stressed and depressed about the situation and do not really know what to do. My cousin told me that I should think about moving myMother into my home or looking into a permanent nursing facility for her. I love my Mother, but feel that there needs to be some resolution to all of this. So I contacted social services and think that a permanent nursing facility might be best since she had so many needs and has begun to become incontinent. I feel bad for thinking about this, but she needs more care each day and with her memory issues, I simply am not equipped to continue. Plus, I have a job that I have taken a leave of absence from, but that I have to return to next month. Am I a bad person for wanting to place my Mother in a facility?

 

[canary]

Of curse you are not a bad person @Siddo . You realise that your mum now needs much more care and you are not able to provide it as you have to work, so you are making sure that she gets the care that she needs. Those are the actions of a loving son/daughter.

 

[karaokePete]

Hello and welcome @Siddo.

No, you are not a bad person as you are doing the right things.

It may be worth while looking through the Publications List as there are some Factsheets there that you may find will help you. Just click the following link if you want to take a look
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list