Not sure if Mum is approaching end of life?

[JAG1967]

Mum is 85, bedridden, and has had dementia for about 4/5 years now. I am her full time carer, she lives with me.

In the last 3 days she is just sleeping all the time, cannot now get out of bed and use the commode next to her (which she used to use a few times a day until then), barely eats and drinks, and when asked questions just says mmmm. I have put pads on her bed to absorb urine, but she hasn't had a bowel movement since Wednesday which is really unusual (but then again she has not hardly had anything to eat since). Before that on Monday/Tuesday she had diarrhea a lot. This is all since she slipped when getting back into bed on Wednesday after using the commode, she landed on her bottom and I think it scared her, but she said she was fine, I checked for bruises etc and nothing, we got her into bed, and she's more or less been asleep since. She has had a toothache for ages, we did have the community dentist around before all this virus started, he removed 2 teeth, but she has still been complaining about pain in another part of her mouth, the dentist had a look there and said no problem with her teeth there. I've been giving her paracetamol when she's said she's in pain.

Now she's not saying anything and I'm really worried, I'm sat in her bedroom with her 20 hours a day (I have a desk in her room with my PC on), and I ask her if she's OK and feels OK, she just says mmmm. I don't like to bother the Doctor as I know everything is manic, but if she is heading towards end of life I'd like to know so I can make the most of the time we have left. Her head is constantly moving on her pillow, and she's itching her arm a lot. I feel like the worst daughter in the world, should I have phoned an ambulance, got a doctor, but she hates a fuss, and when I asked her on Wednesday after she had her slip if she wanted to see a doctor she said absolutely not.

I want to phone the doctor on Monday to have a chat, but I know they are so busy.

Any advice would be so much appreciated x

 

[millalm]

You couldn't possibly be the worst daughter in the world because all of us daughters who have been carers think we are the worst, regardless of our efforts.

I would definitely call for help, do you have to wait for Monday? Is she still taking fluids? I would be more concerned if she is not taking fluids as well as not eating. What you are describing could be end of life or it could be just one of the dips in the road. I don't think you should be put off calling for help because of COVID . A chat with a health professional might be all you need to feel better about what to do.

In the meantime I would spend the time talking to her , even though it may be a one way conversation and say anything you need to /want to say. Offer soft foods, especially favourites and offer liquids. I spent 5 days in the same situation with my Mum, told her it was okay to go- spent 24 hours a day of much like what you describe then she suddenly rallied, starting sipping fluds again and then taking soft foods. That was a year ago!

Please don't wait to call.

 

[Grannie G]

Hello @JAG1967

We are hearing on the news that those with illnesses other than coronavirus are staying away from help, not wanting to either overload the NHS further or be infected with the virus.

It seems the NHS is well able to care for the sick in other areas , the corona patients are kept well apart. If you are worried about your mother please phone her doctor.

 

[Splashing About]

It doesn’t sound too urgent unless you feel she hasn’t had fluids? If she is producing urine that sounds unlikely.

Ringing tonight (111) would probably mean a very late night /early hours response. I would ring 111 in the morning for reassurance.

My mum slipped into this state 7 months ago....