Hi good afternoon all - First post so please be gentle
Its a bit of a tale so bare with me
My wife and I had noticed that my dad ( 81) has been confused and showing signs of dementia for a long time - may be 3 years plus. Little things like repetitive conversations, unsure in unfamiliar places, unable to handle simple tasks like car parking machines, reading and lack of focus on anything. Over the past couple of years and probably not helped by COVID ( dad was shielding) his conversations have become less coherent and ability to converse with anything more than acknowledging your statements and 'passing the time of day i.e. weather, are you ok, sometimes better, others not offering much.
In October last year my fathers health declined and he began a journey that we are still on. ( and confused by). He initially lost 70% mobility almost overnight and saw his GP. This led to a visit to hospital appts for concerns over his bladder ( not serious) and potentially heart issues -
In January he was again ill and was admitted to hospital with ' chest pains' and not feeling 'right' - This led to an extended stay of over 5 weeks in two local hospitals . His symptoms led them to perform a number of scans ( bladder / CT) etc where it was fedback he had signs of deterioration of brain mass although this wasnt the reason he was there. His behaviour over those 5 weeks was at times scary. He resisted the medical staff and we recevied calls to go and 'calm him' a few times.
My mum is dads main carer ( 80) although this is a new task as his 'condition' has deteriorated since approx Oct / Nov.
Throughout his stay he was showing signs of delirium, very agitated and had a ' deprivation of liberty' order served on him at a point. He could blow hot and cold in a few minutes and some of the behaviour was awful, my mum was so embarrassed and upset she didn't know what to do or where we went from here. - His behaviour is like nothing we had seen before and was upsetting for all.
Whilst in hospital he was fitted with a long term catheter which my mum now looks after for him. There was a point where the hospital were debating his ( and i guess my mums) safety if he came home. He has been home for approx 4 weeks and there are very mixed days in terms of behaviour and my mum resenting ( but understanding) what is happening ( i think)
I have lots of questions ( i am the son) as i have never had to support like this and dont understand what / when / how to do best for my parents. questions below - Some are obvious maybe to others so apologies if so
1. My dad was driving up until November ( hard to believe) - Despite the mentions of dementia on various documents ( discharge report / transfer note) he hasn't been given a 'formal' diagnosis to my knowledge ? Is this something that comes? - Seems like the health care professionals assume we know / its formal but it hasn't been ?
2. Assumption that once we have this - He cant and shouldn't be driving. - Who confirms this for us? He is in total denial he cant ( a point that creates anger)
3. My parents have a healthcare package ( am - dressing / washing) and have had some mobility aids put in place ( toilet / shower / stairs) - Will this end ? Will parents have to pay for this going forward / after a period of time?
4. They have an appointment at the memory clinic but not for some weeks - Is this where a further plan of action will be determined?
5. When / where is a decision made regarding ongoing care home / extra support - Who would help?
Welcome any additional thoughts / things i should be thinking of
I'm lost a bit in thoughts and next steps
Sorry for long post
Its a bit of a tale so bare with me
My wife and I had noticed that my dad ( 81) has been confused and showing signs of dementia for a long time - may be 3 years plus. Little things like repetitive conversations, unsure in unfamiliar places, unable to handle simple tasks like car parking machines, reading and lack of focus on anything. Over the past couple of years and probably not helped by COVID ( dad was shielding) his conversations have become less coherent and ability to converse with anything more than acknowledging your statements and 'passing the time of day i.e. weather, are you ok, sometimes better, others not offering much.
In October last year my fathers health declined and he began a journey that we are still on. ( and confused by). He initially lost 70% mobility almost overnight and saw his GP. This led to a visit to hospital appts for concerns over his bladder ( not serious) and potentially heart issues -
In January he was again ill and was admitted to hospital with ' chest pains' and not feeling 'right' - This led to an extended stay of over 5 weeks in two local hospitals . His symptoms led them to perform a number of scans ( bladder / CT) etc where it was fedback he had signs of deterioration of brain mass although this wasnt the reason he was there. His behaviour over those 5 weeks was at times scary. He resisted the medical staff and we recevied calls to go and 'calm him' a few times.
My mum is dads main carer ( 80) although this is a new task as his 'condition' has deteriorated since approx Oct / Nov.
Throughout his stay he was showing signs of delirium, very agitated and had a ' deprivation of liberty' order served on him at a point. He could blow hot and cold in a few minutes and some of the behaviour was awful, my mum was so embarrassed and upset she didn't know what to do or where we went from here. - His behaviour is like nothing we had seen before and was upsetting for all.
Whilst in hospital he was fitted with a long term catheter which my mum now looks after for him. There was a point where the hospital were debating his ( and i guess my mums) safety if he came home. He has been home for approx 4 weeks and there are very mixed days in terms of behaviour and my mum resenting ( but understanding) what is happening ( i think)
I have lots of questions ( i am the son) as i have never had to support like this and dont understand what / when / how to do best for my parents. questions below - Some are obvious maybe to others so apologies if so
1. My dad was driving up until November ( hard to believe) - Despite the mentions of dementia on various documents ( discharge report / transfer note) he hasn't been given a 'formal' diagnosis to my knowledge ? Is this something that comes? - Seems like the health care professionals assume we know / its formal but it hasn't been ?
2. Assumption that once we have this - He cant and shouldn't be driving. - Who confirms this for us? He is in total denial he cant ( a point that creates anger)
3. My parents have a healthcare package ( am - dressing / washing) and have had some mobility aids put in place ( toilet / shower / stairs) - Will this end ? Will parents have to pay for this going forward / after a period of time?
4. They have an appointment at the memory clinic but not for some weeks - Is this where a further plan of action will be determined?
5. When / where is a decision made regarding ongoing care home / extra support - Who would help?
Welcome any additional thoughts / things i should be thinking of
I'm lost a bit in thoughts and next steps
Sorry for long post