Not sure how much longer I can cope

[Shepherd123]

I have been caring for my father-in-law for 3 years; he has a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s. In the last six months thing have got really stressful as I am trying to manage a full time job, family and care. I have recently got social services involved and now have carers coming in 3 times a day for meals and medication. This doesn't seem to have eased the stress any as I still have to sort out the daily problems my f-i-l is creating.
This week so far he has misplaced his bus pass, wallet, hearing aids, accused me of theft, touch me inappropriately as he now longer recognises me as daughter in law, but often says he's in love with me and had quite a few emotional and distressing moments. He is being changed next week from Aricept to Memantine 10mg as Aricept no longer working (he scored less than 10/30 in test). Does anybody know if this new treatment will help with aggression, anxiety, etc. Any advise welcome as not sure how much longer I can juggle care at home and work family commitments. As this morning he was at mine at 4.30am confused over his bank card, pin number!

 

[Noorza]

No one can put a time limit on stages with any accuracy, I think you are amazing to have managed for three years, in all honesty I could not do that.

I think it may be a good idea to tell SS that you cannot cope with the current level of care being offered and you need a reassessment.

You may well need to be firm that you can't cope any more as from everything I've read if SS have a family member who is willing to carry on, they will let you. Think about how much you can give and be firm about that.

Respect to you for managing for so long, I couldn't do that.

 

[Spamar]

Memantine is usually given a an increasing dose - it comes in an introductory box which will give you 5mg first week, 10mg second week, 15mg, then 20 mg. the final dose. My OH had it when he had delusions and it has worked well; no delusions, the violence gone and seems happier as well. I was told at the time (July ) that initially it had to be prescribed by a consultant and taken over by a GP after a few months. His procedure changed, does anyone know?
Good luck!

 

[starryuk]

Hi Shepherd,

I agree with Noorza. I can't imagine how you have coped thus far.

Only you know when you can't cope any longer. Only you know the 24/7 struggle. If you say you can't keep going, then you can't.

So stick to your guns and don't let Social services try to make you keep going.

PS. Are you saying your FIL was out and about at 4:30 in the morning? That doesn't sound safe does it?

 

[artyfarty]

Memantine is usually given a an increasing dose - it comes in an introductory box which will give you 5mg first week, 10mg second week, 15mg, then 20 mg. the final dose. My OH had it when he had delusions and it has worked well; no delusions, the violence gone and seems happier as well. I was told at the time (July ) that initially it had to be prescribed by a consultant and taken over by a GP after a few months. His procedure changed, does anyone know?
Good luck!

My mum was prescribed Memantine by the Memory Clinic and her prescription is now issued on a repeat by her GP.

Good luck Shepherd - ask for more help and stick to your guns. Easier said than done I know.

 

[afossil]

Ask for a carer's assessment for yourself and be frank about how difficult you are finding it. Don't pretend everything is OK when obviously it is not. Seeing your own doctor might be useful as they can help you. Many surgeries have support groups. SS should be very supportive and helpful but are sometime overwhelmed and need to prioritise. You should try to get your family to the top of their list!

 

[Shepherd123]

Thanks

Thank you for all the positive support and comments, although I have great friend in work and at home when people are not dealing with alzheimers they don't always understand the stress you can be under.