Not responding.

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by Leon80, Nov 20, 2019.

  1. Leon80

    Leon80 New member

    Nov 18, 2019
    5
    I’ve put my first thread about my mums final stages on the wrong section yesterday,
    Anyway l’m at my mums today and she is not responding at all , just sleeping and now and again eyes just flickering closed.
    My mother is not taking any fluids now since last night as we cannot wake her..
    Could someone please tell us what is best to do at this stage as it’s so upsetting seeing her like this and cannot do anything to help ..
     
  2. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,775
    Female
    South coast
    I am sorry @Leon80
    You are now in the last long vigil.

    Your mum may not be able to respond, but she will be able to hear as hearing is the last thing to go.
    Talk to her. Tell about herself - the things you remember, the family stories - so that she knows who she is.
    Remember to say the important things - I love you, thank you, Im sorry and (if appropriate) I forgive you.
    Read to her - I read to mum from her favourite childhood books - Winnie the Pooh, Wind in the Willows and Alice in Wonderland.
    Play her favourite music.

    The district nurses can give you little brushes or sponges which you can use to moisten her mouth.
    Put moisturising cream on her dry skin and salve on her lips so that she is more comfortable.
    Comb her hair
    Stroke her hand

    This stage can go on for several days (with mum it was 17 days, but they do not usually go on for that long) so look after yourself too.
    There will be many changes, but the one that will tell you that you are right at the end is when her breathing changes - there will start to be long gaps in between some of the breaths. It is known as Chayne Stokes breathing and there are usually only hours to go after it starts.

    (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
     
  3. Leon80

    Leon80 New member

    Nov 18, 2019
    5
    My mother sadly passed away this afternoon and l feel totally numb , but the only comfort is all the family were around the house ..
     
  4. Lea8

    Lea8 Registered User

    Nov 3, 2019
    11
    so sorry to read this @Leon80 Sending love to you & your family x
     
  5. Kay111

    Kay111 Registered User

    Sep 19, 2019
    103
    I'm so sorry @Leon80 . Sending you and yours love and strength x
     
  6. Susan11

    Susan11 Registered User

    Nov 18, 2018
    1,663
    So sorry to hear this. Take care of yourself during this difficult time .
     
  7. jaymor

    jaymor Volunteer Moderator

    Jul 14, 2006
    12,547
    Female
    England
    So sorry to hear your sad news.
     
  8. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,775
    Female
    South coast
    I am so sorry
     
  9. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,898
    Female
    Dundee
    I’m so sorry for your loss @Leon80. Wishing you strength.
     
  10. Pete1

    Pete1 Registered User

    Jul 16, 2019
    227
    Male
  11. LynneMcV

    LynneMcV Volunteer Moderator

    May 9, 2012
    3,637
    south-east London
    My sincere condolences too @Leon80. It is an awful time, I know, but I am glad you can take some comfort from the fact that all the family were present. Wishing you strength at this difficult time.
     
  12. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,286
    Nottinghamshire
    My condolences @Leon80

    I’m glad you could take some comfort in having your family around. Look after each other now.
     
  13. nellbelles

    nellbelles Volunteer Host

    Nov 6, 2008
    8,459
    leicester
    My sincere condolences @Leon80 such a sad time for all the family I hope you can all take comfort in being part of a supportive family
     
  14. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,096
    Female
    East Midlands
    So sorry to read this @Leon80 - it is a horrible time for sure but please take comfort that your mum was around her family at the time & that her passing was peaceful - big hugs to you all.
     
  15. Leon80

    Leon80 New member

    Nov 18, 2019
    5
    Thank you for your kind reply’s , most if not all on this site have gone through this and so you will know what we are going through at the present moment.
    My mind was working overtime last night so was awake since 3.00am as l could sleep, every so often having a cry but l’m trying to stay strong for my family as l don’t want them to see me upset.:
    Been to my mothers today and it just strange, sad and cannot believe l won’t see her again.
    Anyway thanks again for the reply’s...
     
  16. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,334
    Merseyside
    I’m so sorry @Leon80. My thoughts are with you.
     
  17. Jale

    Jale Registered User

    Jul 9, 2018
    308
    Female
    So sorry for your loss - be kind to yourself and take care x
     
  18. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,830
    Sending love & light
    Xx
     
  19. Dimpsy

    Dimpsy Registered User

    Sep 2, 2019
    558
    Female
    My condolences to you and your family.
     

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