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Not really coping

Beanie01

Registered User
Dec 4, 2017
18
My mum was diagnosed about 2 years ago with mixed dementia (Alzheimer’s and Vascular) although like most, the diagnosis was just confirmation and not a surprise. She lived independently until March this when a variety of circumstances meant my sister, mum and I made the decision to move her into a care home. Some issues have arisen, but mainly manageable, where she has lashed out at staff, been anxious and aggressive. Since Tuesday, however, we have been in hospital with her. She was sleepy, unable to walk, unable to take meds etc. It’s been identified that she has quite a serious UTI, also now a chest infection and is not only aggressive with the lovely NHS staff but also with us. We have been slapped, kicked, screamed at (although unintelligible mostly) scratched, had pillows thrown etc. She just does not want to stay in bed. She can’t support her weight and can’t walk at the moment. Her CPN has been to see her ( so lovely) Drs etc and have prescribed Lorazepam and Haloperidol. Great we thought, she’ll get rest to allow her body to fight the infections alongside the antibiotics. Not so. They seem to make her worse. It is relentless we feel the need to be here to protect her and the staff, but it is so heartbreaking to watch my lovely mum turning into a Tasmanian devil! There is so much more I could put here, but would be typing for hours and would probably stop making sense! Sorry for just blurting but needed to get my thoughts out
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,675
Believe me the hospital staff are used to coping with these situations. They will need to find the right medication for your Mum, so meds’ will be assessed continually. UTI’s really do send people over an edge, your Mum needs rest & to be monitored. Try & limit your visiting as this stimulus could be too much at the moment for your Mum to deal with.
Sorry I have recently been through this experience & all I can say is take this chance to let the professionals do their jobs. Recharge your batteries, she is being well looked after by people who have seen all of this before. Honest
Take care of yourself
X
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,592
South coast
Hello @Beanie01 and welcome to DTP, although Im sorry about the circumstances that bring you here.

Infections cause absolute havoc in people with dementia, causing increased confusion and sometimes delirium. Have you talked to the doctors about her? I do hope they manage to find some medication that will help her.
 

Beanie01

Registered User
Dec 4, 2017
18
Thank you both for your kind responses. We’re going in first thing tomorrow so we are around for when the Drs do their rounds. I think it’s just the relentlessness and the fact that we can no longer reach the person behind this horrible disease that is taking its toll. We can but hope that if and when the infection is under control, we get some of her back.
 

Francy

Registered User
Dec 3, 2018
70
Co Down
I'm saddened to hear this, how upsetting for all of the family. I hope your mum gets her infection cleared up and becomes more like her old self again. This is a hateful illness that know only destruction. Take heart that she is being well cared for.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,675
Thank you both for your kind responses. We’re going in first thing tomorrow so we are around for when the Drs do their rounds. I think it’s just the relentlessness and the fact that we can no longer reach the person behind this horrible disease that is taking its toll. We can but hope that if and when the infection is under control, we get some of her back.
Keep us updated, this can be an exhausting process emotionally & the forum is here to support you as & when you want
x
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,427
My mum was diagnosed about 2 years ago with mixed dementia (Alzheimer’s and Vascular) although like most, the diagnosis was just confirmation and not a surprise. She lived independently until March this when a variety of circumstances meant my sister, mum and I made the decision to move her into a care home. Some issues have arisen, but mainly manageable, where she has lashed out at staff, been anxious and aggressive. Since Tuesday, however, we have been in hospital with her. She was sleepy, unable to walk, unable to take meds etc. It’s been identified that she has quite a serious UTI, also now a chest infection and is not only aggressive with the lovely NHS staff but also with us. We have been slapped, kicked, screamed at (although unintelligible mostly) scratched, had pillows thrown etc. She just does not want to stay in bed. She can’t support her weight and can’t walk at the moment. Her CPN has been to see her ( so lovely) Drs etc and have prescribed Lorazepam and Haloperidol. Great we thought, she’ll get rest to allow her body to fight the infections alongside the antibiotics. Not so. They seem to make her worse. It is relentless we feel the need to be here to protect her and the staff, but it is so heartbreaking to watch my lovely mum turning into a Tasmanian devil! There is so much more I could put here, but would be typing for hours and would probably stop making sense! Sorry for just blurting but needed to get my thoughts out
All my sympathy. I've seen lots of lovely people temporarily turn into tasmanian devils, and then turn back again and it's all forgotten. I know it's heartbreaking, I really do. warmest, Kindred
 
Last edited by a moderator:

Beanie01

Registered User
Dec 4, 2017
18
I’m so glad I posted here after lurking for the past 2 years! I know everyone here just ‘gets’ what we’re going through, although every dementia journey is different. Today, we have largely taken a step back after chatting to mums consultant. Popped in a couple of times just to check on her, but not stayed for extended periods. Still feel guilty, but I don’t think that will ever change, and on stronger days I realise that we have to maintain some semblance of a normal life alongside dealing with this awful disease. X
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,675
I’m so glad I posted here after lurking for the past 2 years! I know everyone here just ‘gets’ what we’re going through, although every dementia journey is different. Today, we have largely taken a step back after chatting to mums consultant. Popped in a couple of times just to check on her, but not stayed for extended periods. Still feel guilty, but I don’t think that will ever change, and on stronger days I realise that we have to maintain some semblance of a normal life alongside dealing with this awful disease. X
It’s a rollercoaster ride of emotions, & I hate rollercoasters! Yep I’ve got the journey from hell tomorrow & the consultant appointment, Mum flipflops from I don’t want to know to it’s better to be informed ( the words I use to try & make this whole process seem more bearable!)
 

Beanie01

Registered User
Dec 4, 2017
18
It’s a rollercoaster ride of emotions, & I hate rollercoasters! Yep I’ve got the journey from hell tomorrow & the consultant appointment, Mum flipflops from I don’t want to know to it’s better to be informed ( the words I use to try & make this whole process seem more bearable!)
We have a plethora of those phrases, ranging from ‘it is what it is’ to ‘mums body will decide’ to ‘i shouldn't laugh but it keeps me sane’. It definitely is a rollercoaster! Today, I had one of the carers from the home she was in before going to hospital (we have a place in a specialist home for her to be discharged to) call and ask if she could visit mum tomorrow. This is a carer that has been hit, kicked, whacked with a walking stick etc, yet she wants to use her spare time to come and see mum. I very nearly cried at her kindness.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,675
We have a plethora of those phrases, ranging from ‘it is what it is’ to ‘mums body will decide’ to ‘i shouldn't laugh but it keeps me sane’. It definitely is a rollercoaster! Today, I had one of the carers from the home she was in before going to hospital (we have a place in a specialist home for her to be discharged to) call and ask if she could visit mum tomorrow. This is a carer that has been hit, kicked, whacked with a walking stick etc, yet she wants to use her spare time to come and see mum. I very nearly cried at her kindness.
People are kind
X