not posted for a long time

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by maggier, Jan 12, 2009.

  1. maggier

    maggier Registered User

    Jan 9, 2006
    Hello everyone
    I have not posted for a long while but have been on here every day following other people's stores. Sadly mum will hve nothing to do with me at all, refuses to let me in her house if the door is locked , if the door is unlocked and I go in she leaps up off the chair and goes for - me trying to scratch at my face or punching me wherever she can land her fists. She basically tells me she doesn't want me in her house, she wants nothing to do with me, she hates me - but she really gets angry and fired up. My brother goes every day and provides her meals and her shopping etc, and gives mum her tablets - she will not let me do a single thing for her (even though I do call every single day) as I do want to try and help.
    I am at a loss as to what to do next, but my worry is what happens when my brother wants go go on holiday! He has a young family and is more than entitled to go away, but mum will not let anyone else do anything for her.
    Now this should be a simple case of 'respite' for a week or so - sadly not - my brother is in complete denial and just says to me " oh she will let you do it all when she realises there is no one else for a couple of weeks"!!!! I don't think so. mum isn't doing this to be awkward, she really does not want me there, and for him to think she will just sit back and let it all happen in his absence is nonsense! I cnanot get through to him. But if he just ups and goes away (like he did last year with one days notice!!!!) I am left at home with mum, she won't eat food I prepare she just throws it on the floor! she won't take her tablets she puts them on the window sill or the table and forgets about them. She absolutely tells me straight - "I am not taking them just because you tell me to!!!")
    I am at a loss what to do! she will be my responsibilty for a couple of weeks, without enough notice to sort any help out (she won't let carers in the door so we stopped them years ago!)
    If I did manage to get some emergency respite, god forbid! it would probably kill her and then I have that on my conscience and my brother saying "I told you so". I feel I am dammed if I do and I'm dammed if I don't!
    what would you do? Help !

    Maggie. x
  2. Annoula

    Annoula Registered User

    Dec 4, 2008
    i really don't know what to say.
    it must be awful to receive such an attitude from your mother.
    maybe your brother will understand the problem when he gets back and sees your mother not taking her pills or eating.

    that's not any kind of help, i know.. i just wanted to post and say i am sorry you have to go through this..
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Dear Maggie

    It must be awful for you having your mother behave this way. I can only imagine your hurt.

    I can only suggest

    • You ask the doctor if she will come to harm if she has no medication for two weeks
      You take her meals and leave them on the front step if she denies you access
      You do the same with her shopping
      You do not plead with your mother to allow you access

    This sounds hard I know, but the biggest concern for me would be the medication. I have no idea what medication your mother takes but even if I did, it would not be for me to advise, only her doctor can do that.

    But the least fuss you make, the more likely she may be to accept your help.
  4. maggier

    maggier Registered User

    Jan 9, 2006
    thanks for your replies Grannie G and Annoula, I appreciate your time. It is very difficult. and it is hard. I used to shed bucket loads of tears but now I take it in my stirde. I know mum would never have said those things to me before she became ill, and if she knew what she was saying she would cut her own tongue out. I have always got on really well with mum she was my friend as well as my mum, but truth be told I miss her - a lot!. In some respects it is almost like my mum has gone and this other woman in mums clothing has taken over.

    I feel like I have already mourned mum's passing and honestly wonder how I will feel when mum is really no longer with us. Part of me feels like I will be glad for her that this horrible time is over and she will be at peace with my dad (as that is what mum always says - that she wants to be with her hubby cos she misses him so much!
    It's so so sad.

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