Hi all, this is my first time on the site. just need to tell someone how i feel. My dad has had alzheimer's abot 6 years. In the last 6 months his deterioration has been marked. My mum is 78 and she does her best but she's going into hospital tommorrow for surgery. Dad cant be left alone so he's in respite care. I feel so bad for leaving him there. I feel like crying all the time. I want him back making me laugh, enjoying his company, sitting chatting about world events.Anything just a bit of my old dad.My brother passed away some time ago. I need him now more than ever. My sister is a living angel, she does so much. I try to be there for mum n dad as much as possible. Im scared of whats going to happen to dad in the future. Im so upset for my mum and what her life has become. I'm terrified of going down the same slow tortuous path myself. If it wasn't for the pain Id cause to others Id plan an early high speed escape into permanent peace.But how can any of us think of ourselves. Thats just selfish isn't it.