Not eating

[Anongirl]

I'm so worried about mum. She is completely not interested in food at all. She's barely eating now. The Care Home say she used to at least eat her porridge in the morning and they try to give her milky drinks but she has no interest whatsoever. They try sitting with her but she says her dad said she can't eat it because it's poisoned.

I sat with her during a mealtime (which is a nice social time at the home). The other ladies at the table were happily eating their meal and dessert and mum just say staring out of the window. I tried to get her to have a couple of mouthfuls but she says she feels sick and doesn't want it. She must be hungry. Or can hunger sensation cease?

She used to love her food, our favourite pastime was going out for meals. She won't even eat chocolate now which she adored.

She's starting to lose weight and she only weighed 8 stone to start with. She's 67 years old, I'm not ready to watch her decline like this.

They are getting the dieticians involved but I don't know what they can do if she won't put anything near her mouth?

 

[MrsTerryN]

Anon my mother, albeit quite a bit older than your mum, also stopped eating for a while. Apparently she has told one of the staff (she is in a nursing home) that the food was poisoned.
That staff member actually would make a sandwich for mum with her.
Mum has started to eat again though not much. She used to love sweets and suchlike but won't eat them.
She has lost about a stone in the last few months
Sorry I don't have any other suggestions.
I did also tell the nursing home they are not to try to force her as it seems to make the situation worse.

Sent from my SM-T310 using Talking Point mobile app

 

[Anongirl]

Hi MrsTerryN. I did wonder if it's possible she might start eating again. I really hope so. Physically she is healthy and I hate to see her making herself ill by not eating. I'm sure it is making her dementia worse too because she isn't getting any nutrients.

They've already told me they won't force her. Mum gets very distressed if she feels she is being forced to do anything. They said it has been known for them to sit with her for two hours while they get her to eat one biscuit.

 

[Sue J]

Hi MrsTerryN. I did wonder if it's possible she might start eating again. I really hope so. Physically she is healthy and I hate to see her making herself ill by not eating. I'm sure it is making her dementia worse too because she isn't getting any nutrients.

They've already told me they won't force her. Mum gets very distressed if she feels she is being forced to do anything. They said it has been known for them to sit with her for two hours while they get her to eat one biscuit.

Hi AG, sorry to read this. I just wonder from what you have written if they are giving y Mum too much attention, meaning that if someone sat with me for to hours making me try to eat when I thought I was being poisoned would only reinforce my false belief. Do they try just leaving some food in her room so that she can pick up and eat that she wants, e.g if you took in some bananas and left them in her room do you think she may try them? I get very distressed if people want to force me to do anything, I think most people would, more so if they feel vulnerable. Your poor Mum, I hope this does pass and that she gets an appetite back, more so that whatever is causing her brain to react like this, settles.xxx

 

[Eternity]

Sorry to hear your mum is not eating.

Would your mum be able to make a sandwich for you and one for her - and you eat together? Would making the food herself and also making something for you maybe encourage her to eat? Is that a viable in the care home.

Few years back my mum went through a brief period of not eating much - above helped a bit.

Hope dietician can help

 

[MrsTerryN]

I did wonder if it's possible she might start eating again. I really hope so. Physically she is healthy and I hate to see her making herself ill by not eating.

As I said mum has started to eat again though still no sweets but she did tell me the other day to buy her Subways which she ate.

The staff are quite concerned but mum is also going through, again a really grumpy stage which doesn't help.

I have to say at the peak of her lack of eating, one midnight, I prepared her service. Crying of course the whole time.
The next day much perkier. One of things about this horrendous disease is no one is the same.
People go back and forth between great, dreadful, lucid, scared, with it and so on

I hope your mum starts to eat for her sake and yours

 

[Anongirl]

Hi AG, sorry to read this. I just wonder from what you have written if they are giving y Mum too much attention, meaning that if someone sat with me for to hours making me try to eat when I thought I was being poisoned would only reinforce my false belief. Do they try just leaving some food in her room so that she can pick up and eat that she wants, e.g if you took in some bananas and left them in her room do you think she may try them? I get very distressed if people want to force me to do anything, I think most people would, more so if they feel vulnerable. Your poor Mum, I hope this does pass and that she gets an appetite back, more so that whatever is causing her brain to react like this, settles.xxx

Hi Sue, I don't think she even notices the food, even if it's on a plate in front of her. They say she is slightly better with finger food but now I've noticed she just holds it in her hand. Usually they don't sit with her, she just sits with the other ladies but even watching them eat doesn't encourage her. When they sit with her they chat rather than make a big thing of the food (as you say if you mention it too much she definitely won't touch it!). Every now and again they say "would you like a biscuit?" and sometimes she will pick it up and take a bite but more often than not she will say "not yet". It takes a lot of perseverance x

 

[MrsTerryN]

The other thing is, is the food finger food? I know mum has periods of not able to use cutlery

Sent from my SM-T310 using Talking Point mobile app

 

[Anongirl]

Sorry to hear your mum is not eating.

Would your mum be able to make a sandwich for you and one for her - and you eat together? Would making the food herself and also making something for you maybe encourage her to eat? Is that a viable in the care home.

Few years back my mum went through a brief period of not eating much - above helped a bit.

Hope dietician can help

Hi Eternity, they used to do that but she has no interest anymore x

 

[Anongirl]

As I said mum has started to eat again though still no sweets but she did tell me the other day to buy her Subways which she ate.

The staff are quite concerned but mum is also going through, again a really grumpy stage which doesn't help.

I have to say at the peak of her lack of eating, one midnight, I prepared her service. Crying of course the whole time.
The next day much perkier. One of things about this horrendous disease is no one is the same.
People go back and forth between great, dreadful, lucid, scared, with it and so on

I hope your mum starts to eat for her sake and yours

It's hard enough watching her mental health decline but watching her shrink in front of my eyes too is so difficult. I really hope this passes and they can just get a few calories in her. Her own mum had cancer and went very thin, she's starting to resemble her and that in itself is upsetting. Poor mum x

 

[Anongirl]

A slight bit of better news is that the Dementia Crisis Team have discharged mum after their last visit. I was worried in case it was decided the care home couldn't look after mum anymore. The Crisis team and CH have decided that for now mum's behaviour is manageable (she seems to get most angry when they are trying to help her change and showered, etc).

I'm glad they made that decision (for now anyway). Now the dietician is the next step.

As one problem is dealt with another appears. That has been the case for about the last four years from mum's first dementia symptoms to now! Though it was much worse when I was trying to fight the fires alone

 

[kkerr]

Hi Anon

I had the EXACT same problem with my Mum! One day -just stopped eating - even chocolate which she would have fought me for in the past! In her case, she had gone down to 43 kg and I made the gut-wrenching decision to take her out of the care home to see if things would improve at home.

Things to consider:
1) any new medications or medication changes? In my Mom's case, she had been started on Sertraline - which has a known side effect of anorexia and and nausea.

2) Is she depressed? I have now started Mom on Mirtazapine for depression - not sure if its doing much for her mood - but it has had the side effect of increasing her appetite considerably. Three weeks on and she is eating normal meals and has put on over 10 pounds.

3) Is there a sinister physical problem? You mentioned that there is a history of cancer in your family. I had considered this with Mom that there could be an underlying medical reason - such as malignancy that was affecting her appetite. I was not, however, going to go looking for it - as I felt that investigations and treatment at this stage would not be beneficial and she would likely not tolerate any interventions. But with bringing her home - I had decided that if she didn't start to eat again, I would simply care for her at home through to the end and assume there was some underlying medical problem such as cancer.

4) other potential problems - pain in the mouth - oral thrush, poor fitting dentures, teeth problems, etc. Underlying infection? UTI?

I hope you can find a solution. Is your Mum still drinking? If so - it does suggest more of a nausea/Gi upset as cause. Does she attempt to eat and then stop? Or does she refuse even the thought of food? My mum would always attempt to eat - as she recognized the food as something she normally would like, but then one bite and it was "yuk, I cant eat this" or "this is dirty". However, with the change in environement and change in medication, we are now back to normal meals and diet.

 

[Jessbow]

* going along with it* Theory

Take plate back to kitchen, pause, return

Your just dad says this one is okay.....?

Gets to the point that we'll try anything!

 

[LadyA]

Physical cause is something to consider. I vividly remember many years ago, having to argue with everyone around me that no, I was not anorexic! I did want to eat. It was just that when I saw food, I suddenly didn't want it anymore! Couldn't eat it. Yet, I wasn't really sick. After over a week of this, I finally agreed - to put their minds at rest - to go to a doctor. He asked where I lived, which I thought odd. I told him and he said "Thought so, but we'll do a blood test to be sure." - turned out I had hepatitis, and a few more people in the area I lived in had it too! I had no other symptoms other than the aversion to food at that stage, but should have been in quarantine (my boss was less than impressed!) - 2 days later however, I was so sick, I thought I'd die!

 

[Nebiroth]

They try sitting with her but she says her dad said she can't eat it because it's poisoned.

Have you tried something like bringing in a tin of chocolates and saying that her dad sent it in espescially so that means it is safe to eat?

You could sit and eat them with her.

If she is not eating then the most important thing is "calories". Losing weight by not eating is worse for your health than an "unhealthy diet"...and sweets and suchlike pack a lot of calories!

 

[pikeman]

ive got my mum on e sure drinks strawberry flavour 3 a day they give her all she needs there like a thick milk shake .your doctor should be able to prescripe them . ive all so notice mum likes any thing sweet its the last taste to go all though a choc diet not recommened doctor says better than nothing

 

[CollegeGirl]

I'm so sorry, AG, this must be very worrying for you. I don't have any suggestions other than things that have already been mentioned, sadly. Fingers crossed that it's just a phase.

My own mam has lost about three stone since diagnosis. It's often difficult to get her to sit down for long enough to eat, and she paces around all the time, so she's obviously using up the energy she does take in. In theory she's still okay for her height but to me she looks very thin as I'm used to her being plump. And if her weight continues to drop then it will soon become a problem.

I don't have an answer for either of us

xx

 

[Anongirl]

Better day!

I have just been to see mum and was told by a very excited carer that mum had eaten all her lunch! They are over the moon

I took her some chocolate fingers and hot chocolate (which she has always loved). They were very popular with the other ladies! Mum just had a nibble but knowing she has eaten even one meal has made my day.

She seemed cheerier today, certainly not as depressed or anxious. We discussed the care home meal out at Xmas and, unlike last week, seemed more positive.

They told me they had tried all the tricks like taking the food away and bringing it back, etc. Its hard to know if there was a medical reason or perhaps it was just depression but today she was clearly hungry and remembered that food tastes good and it seems to have done her the world of good

 

[kingmidas1962]

I was reading this thread getting more and more concerned until I saw your last post!
So pleased to hear that mum had a good meal. Hopefully it was just a phase - and there might be others, and it may happen again but at least this indicates that it might pass.

Would she remember that she ate a whole dinner? if so then it might be worth saying 'well you ate all that yesterday, and you're fine so it obviously isn't poisoned' - sorry if she isn't up to this or wouldn't remember.

I can hear the relief in your writing - it's such a bl**dy worry

 

[Anongirl]

I was reading this thread getting more and more concerned until I saw your last post!
So pleased to hear that mum had a good meal. Hopefully it was just a phase - and there might be others, and it may happen again but at least this indicates that it might pass.

Would she remember that she ate a whole dinner? if so then it might be worth saying 'well you ate all that yesterday, and you're fine so it obviously isn't poisoned' - sorry if she isn't up to this or wouldn't remember.

I can hear the relief in your writing - it's such a bl**dy worry

Well first she was joining in with the carers excitement and told me she enjoyed it but less than 20 minutes later she didn't remember eating and said she hadn't eaten anything at all. Nevertheless it was a huge relief to hear she had eaten a full meal and enjoyed it. That's enough for now

I don't think for one minute the problem is solved.

It might even come down to mood/frame of mind, she definitely seemed happy and settled today. Maybe she has had an infection (of note her breath smelt better but perhaps that's because she had eaten something?).

I was talking to another resident (no dementia) and she said the carers are very good and always treat them with respect. I suspected that from watching them but it was good to hear it from someone who lives there. X