Not eating or drinking

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by elaineo2, Sep 8, 2007.

  1. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,425
    Hi Maggie

    I think the sub-text is what that specialist care relates to. If it's diabetes or bed sores or some other health issue, even if there's a level of dementia, a straight forward nursing home is considered appropriate. However, if there are issues that are specifically dementia related then the EMI choice is the correct one. I "think" in Elaines case the home she works in is residential only, which is what makes it particularly difficult.

    Sorry it came to this Elaine. I can't say I'm surprised by the families attitude since they seem to be a little strange about the whole thing anyway.
     
  2. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #82 Margarita, Sep 22, 2007
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2007
    I wish my social worker would believe that , she adornment that mum can not go into a nursing home only a dementia care home even for respite , as her needs are not high enough for nursing home

    yes that why it was good of Elaine to push for her client to be put in the right care home , seem that Elaine is thinking alone the same line as my social worker as in if they client has dementia they should be in a dementia care home or nursing home depending on the needs , because then they are trained to care for people with dementia also with complex needs
     
  3. elaineo2

    elaineo2 Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    945
    leigh lancashire
    Hi everyone,thanks for your posts.As i posted previously the resident has leukemia although the family have tried and successfully until now tried to hide it.
    Could this be the cause of the vomiting? I also said on other posts that the daughter insists they take their parent to appointments.On Wednesday the daughter turned up and took their parent to an appointment.No info given to us as to what it was for.Vomiting thereafter.I won't be so bold as to suggest the resident had recieved cancer treatment at their appointment,but would anyone of us deny an illness such as this just because you didn't want your parent to move into a care setting appropriate for their needs because it wasn't on your doorstep?my blood is beginning to boil.love elainex
     
  4. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    that just it I suppose the debate

    I wonder where If where I am not self funded , I would not have a social worker to answer to, she tell me what care home my mother can go to or not because they funding it .


    where if I was self funded I would not have to have a social worker so could put my mother in any care home I wanted even if it was not appropriate for her care needs.

    seem it like what happen to children when they where look after with un registered child minded , and un registered nursery nursers .

    loop hole in the human right act when in privately run care home seem the course of it all .

    They should be more people like you elaineo standing up for them, when they see what you have seen happen . you done a good job in forcing the issue on to the family
     
  5. elaineo2

    elaineo2 Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    945
    leigh lancashire
    Without sounding obnoxious,and after the day i have had,would anyone of you object to me telling you that you parent/husband etc needed more care than my staff can give?would you object that if your loved one needs urgent medical care that staff called 999,and if you did,would you not eat your words when you found that your relative was serioulsly ill?from what i can tell none of you would deny your loved ones the best care available.Yet the family in question are hell bent that thier parent stays with us!love elainex
     
  6. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,425
    No, you don't sound obnoxious Elaine. At breaking point, maybe, but not obnoxious. The only situation I would find this slightly understandable is if there was only one member of the family and that member lived within walking distance and didn't drive (and when I say slightly I mean less than 10%). I can understand not wanting to move a parent from a home where I felt the care was superior and I had a good working relationship with the staff, but this doesn't seem to be the case here (the good workign relationship bit). I suppose I might also be unwilling if the home in question was registered for nursing care and I had been assured that this would be her home for the rest of her life, but this isn't the case here either. This is going to sound very cynical, but in my experience people dig in their heels like this when money is a motivating factor, although I can't quite see how that would be the case here.

    The whole situation leaves me dumbfounded, to be honest.
     
  7. elaineo2

    elaineo2 Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    945
    leigh lancashire
    Deear jennifer.what more can we do?i am a bit emotional today and may be thought of as "mercenary".thats a title i will hold my hands up to today.Mercenary on the part of getting a resident their required needs,if the family agree(no chance)then the decision is down to the manager to do a reassessment of care needs.Which will prove we are not able to meet their needs.love elainex
     
  8. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,920
    Kent
    Dear Elaine, your resident`s family sound as if they have more problems than your resident.
     
  9. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    1,170
    Australia
    Dear Elaine,

    I am so sorry for you that you are experiencing this awful situation. Those of us on TP are all very anxious that we have people like you in our Care Homes to give our loved ones the care they need and deserve. Now this family cannot appreciate how fortunate they are in this case - it is very galling!

    I am reminded of how upsetting it is for many of who have one (or more) members of our own familiies who are in denial or operating from selfish motives. We find that very difficult to cope with (and many of us sadly are in this situation) but in your case, it seems the WHOLE family is like this!! :eek:

    I am not medically qualified but I do know that vomiting is a common aftermath to chemotherapy. Could your patient have received a chemo treatment you have not been told about??!! :eek: I think I'd be asking some VERY tough questions of the hospital before she is discharged back to you.

    Thinking of you and sending you caring thoughts.
     
  10. elaineo2

    elaineo2 Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    945
    leigh lancashire
    Have no fear.I am care team leader on Monday morning and no matter what the family say there will be a full assessment of needs conducted prior to discharge from the hospital.Their needs being EMI is an issue.love elainex
     
  11. Margaret W

    Margaret W Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    3,725
    North Derbyshire
    Dear Elaine,

    I don't know what to say. You appear such a loving, caring and professional person (and those things are all important), what is your manager doing? You seem to be taking all these problems for yourself, and it is clearly worrying you, which it shouldn't be. There should be procedures in place where a resident is not capable of being looked after properly by the home, and the home shouldn't be expected to deal with residents that they can't provide proper support for.

    All credit to you for your professional attitude. I hope you are well paid for all this, though I doubt it, and if you were, it would put up the fees for those of us who are worried to death about how to pay for it all. Not your problem.

    I think you are an extremely professional lady, I hope you get the right support, and I hope you can solve this resident's problems that her relatives seem to be totally unable to accept even exist.

    Is there an award for Care Home Worker of the Year, does anyone know? I think Elaine would be a candidate.

    Elaine, at the end of the day, we can all only do our best. I know it is frustrating when others don't contribute, but don't beat yourself up about it.

    Much love

    Margaret
     
  12. elaineo2

    elaineo2 Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    945
    leigh lancashire
    Thanks Margaret,I am no star carer,I just care and believe that it is my role to get the best for my residents'love elainex
     
  13. elaineo2

    elaineo2 Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    945
    leigh lancashire
    Hi all,where will this all end?I have just had a call from the night staff to warn me of the familys upset at us caling 999 with our concerns.The resident has bleeding from the intestine.What on earth are they thinking?The daughter has been to the home today and has ben told by the CTL that an assessment would have to be conducted prior to return of their parent.Apparently all hell broke loose.Because i was the "instigator"(her words) of the re-assessment in the first place,I am to blame in their eyes."put your bloody glasses on and see life for what it is" is all i can say to them.Sorry,no offence intended to anyone.I can't see the woods never mind the trees tonight.love elainex
     
  14. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,425
    Dear Elaine

    I don't imagine that this will be much consolation to you, but clearly the woman is unbalanced. I can't even imagine why she would be behaving in this way, but if the resident had GI tract bleeding what else could you do except call 999? It's not like you could put a plaster on it. And also look at it this way: no one could now think she has a leg to stand on if her complaint is that the home called 999 because of something as potentially serious as this.
     
  15. elaineo2

    elaineo2 Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    945
    leigh lancashire
    Dear Jennifer,both you and I know the right thing was done by the staff in calling 999.Both you and i would want the best for our loved ones.Both you and i kinow that if this was left untreated then there would be serious repercussions.Your parent,my parent,anybodys loved one for that matter,are the most precious people on this earth.Why would anyone want to deny appropriate care and medical help for them? I am so frustrated at the moment with it all.love elainex
     
  16. Margaret W

    Margaret W Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    3,725
    North Derbyshire
    Dear Elaine,

    It is really odd, isn't it? The majority of us family members are complaining about our parents not getting the right treatment in the home, and here you are with a family member complaining that they ARE getting the right treatment, and don't like it!. I have to say that the family sound a bit odd. Has the old lady got a lot of money that they are likely to inherit? Well, you won't know that. Are they self-financing? All I know is that my mum has some money (I'd be very pleased to inherit it, I am human, but it isn't my money, it is hers, and if it is all spent on making the rest of her life comfortable, then thank goodness for that). It is what my dad would have wanted, and he knew I would see to it, and today is actually the third anniversary of his death (oops 23rd, it has just flipped over to 24th). Money does turn some people's heads, and I think they need a smack in the teeth.

    The old lady's life is paramount, thank God she has you to put her case forward. You are a star, despite what you say. I'm sure there are lots like you, but that still makes you a star.

    Love

    Margaret
     
  17. elaineo2

    elaineo2 Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    945
    leigh lancashire
    Further to my previous posts there are developments that will make your hair curl.The family have now decided that our manager is unable to to their job(i do agre occassionally).However the case was initiated by me and there is now disdain with the home full stop.The daughter has rung the home today and told me that their parent will return to our home no matter what the final assessment is.In a nice but informative way i told her that our assessment is the only assessment needed and if we assess sd to no return to the home.then that is final.expletives to rude to mention followed..The life and trials of a carer could write a book couldn't theey?love elainex
     
  18. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,425
    Honestly Elaine, no one should have to put up with this sort of abuse. You're a private company correct? So the company has absolute right of refusal. There was that court case last year where that position was upheld (although in that case the home would have been able to care for the patient and the "eviction" which isn't the right word, was becasue of the total breakdown of communication between the home and the family.) Unfortunate for that patient, but if this woman keeps on doing what she's doing she'll be in the same situation anyway.
     
  19. TinaT

    TinaT Registered User

    Sep 27, 2006
    7,095
    Bolton
    I would have thought that whilst the lady is on a hospital ward it would be the Health Authority's duty to call in an elderly mental health specialist to assess their patient before allowing discharge? How can a proper care plan be implemented without this assessment of needs? xx TinaT
     
  20. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    It's very strange to me that the daughter thinks the manager incompetent, and the home not doing its job, yet they are determined that the patient will return. In their position that's the last thing I'd want.

    It does sound as if the relationship has completely broken down, so shouldn't the SW intervene?

    I do hope you find a solution that will satisfy everyone, however unlikely!:eek:

    Love,
     

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