not coping

nug

New member
Jan 18, 2020
5
hi all i have just joined this forum today as not understanding on how to connect with my husband now.he was told he had vasular dementia after a few tias.going back about 6yrs ago.he has had a few heart attacks about 9 yrs ago.the last 3 yrs he has got worse eg dont talk to me or anyone much he says he carnt think of anythink to say.he dont wont to bother about how he looks or hygene.dont know where he lives outside the front door.i feel i dont want this life anymore at times and i dont even like him to be in my bedroom he is older than me by 9 yrs and at 75.just dont know what to say anymore and how to talk to him.and about what he is not intrester in any hobbies or papers books just sleeps alot.need some advise please as i have no life of my own at all as dont like to leave him on his own thankyou.
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,341
hi all i have just joined this forum today as not understanding on how to connect with my husband now.he was told he had vasular dementia after a few tias.going back about 6yrs ago.he has had a few heart attacks about 9 yrs ago.the last 3 yrs he has got worse eg dont talk to me or anyone much he says he carnt think of anythink to say.he dont wont to bother about how he looks or hygene.dont know where he lives outside the front door.i feel i dont want this life anymore at times and i dont even like him to be in my bedroom he is older than me by 9 yrs and at 75.just dont know what to say anymore and how to talk to him.and about what he is not intrester in any hobbies or papers books just sleeps alot.need some advise please as i have no life of my own at all as dont like to leave him on his own thankyou.
welcome to this forum, you will find good friends and great advice here. You are having a tough time. Have you contacted the social services at all? Does your GP know? all these things can help with ideas about how to make a life for yourself, and tell you what help is available.
with warmest wishes, Kindred
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
10,666
Merseyside
Welcome to DTP @nug.
Our worlds shrink so much when we care for fir our loved ones with dementia.
Could you sleep in separate rooms so you get sleep & space?
Please keep posting as you’ll get lots of support here.
 

White Rose

Registered User
Nov 4, 2018
355
hi all i have just joined this forum today as not understanding on how to connect with my husband now.he was told he had vasular dementia after a few tias.going back about 6yrs ago.he has had a few heart attacks about 9 yrs ago.the last 3 yrs he has got worse eg dont talk to me or anyone much he says he carnt think of anythink to say.he dont wont to bother about how he looks or hygene.dont know where he lives outside the front door.i feel i dont want this life anymore at times and i dont even like him to be in my bedroom he is older than me by 9 yrs and at 75.just dont know what to say anymore and how to talk to him.and about what he is not intrester in any hobbies or papers books just sleeps alot.need some advise please as i have no life of my own at all as dont like to leave him on his own thankyou.
Welcome @nug, I think most of us have been through this, it's so very difficult because you've lost your companion and soul mate and land up in a role (carer) that you probably never envisaged and certainly wouldn't want. I miss the conversations too, my partner doesn't even understand basic instructions anymore, though somehow it's easier as I've accepted that there are no conversations and its friends and family (and TP) who provide the conversations. Can you afford carers? Can you work part-time? My partner is a lot older than me, he the same age as your husband, and it's been a struggle at times but I'm at the stage of starting to make my own life again outside of home (but I know we are very lucky that he can afford to pay for care). You might try and get a Carers Assessment and find out what is available in your area in terms of support, you will really need some help, being a full-time carer is just too hard, depressing, stressful and bad for your own health. You can apply for Attendance Allowance if you haven't already and maybe Carer's allowance. Re hygiene, I used to manage to get my partner to shower only once in 3 days, strangely now that he's worse he doesn't remember the last time he showered and is quite happy to do it every two days.
 

nug

New member
Jan 18, 2020
5
welcome to this forum, you will find good friends and great advice here. You are having a tough time. Have you contacted the social services at all? Does your GP know? all these things can help with ideas about how to make a life for yourself, and tell you what help is available.
with warmest wishes, Kindred
 

nug

New member
Jan 18, 2020
5
welcome to this forum, you will find good friends and great advice here. You are having a tough time. Have you contacted the social services at all? Does your GP know? all these things can help with ideas about how to make a life for yourself, and tell you what help is available.
with warmest wishes, Kindred
hi kindred thankyou for your message my gp has refered me tp have a accessment over the phone last week we talked for 2 hrs and advised me to get attendence allowence i appleyed put got a letter back saying thy may help with personal hygene instead dont know what that is but my hubby will not let anyone bath him .will keep intouch when i know best wishese nug x
 

nug

New member
Jan 18, 2020
5
Welcome to DTP @nug.
Our worlds shrink so much when we care for fir our loved ones with dementia.
Could you sleep in separate rooms so you get sleep & space?
Please keep posting as you’ll get lots of support here.
hi we have only a 1 bed small bungalow the bed is against the wall and window we have to get in 1 by 1 and its so dificult as dont want this want to be on my own and sleep alone now sounds bad but dont feel like any sort of woman now,i have applied to get a house exchange with a person with a 2 bed house and a dowstairs loo as well and its a new build so not much to do i will be so happy if it goes ok but will take 6 wks yet with the council.the bedroom is only for i person and a single bed but we have a double and its like a cuboard.thankyou for your message nice to talk to somone x