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Not coping with things

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Doghouse, Jan 31, 2016.

  1. Doghouse

    Doghouse Registered User

    Dec 30, 2015
    Folkestone, Kent
    Every Sunday in the evening just when I think I can have a bit of time to myself I get calls from mum's friend or neighbour saying there is an issue. Tonight's call from mum's friend to say mum is hungry. Just called her and she says that's not true. Don't know what's truth and what's not. I'm finding this very stressful and feel myself getting so cross. I can't seem to get past getting cross with mum even though I know it's not being done on purpose. If I am honest I feel resentful that I have no time to myself. I feel trapped in a horrible spiralling downward world. Having a feeling sorry for myself night tonight.:(
  2. CJinUSA

    CJinUSA Registered User

    Jan 20, 2014
    eastern USA
    O my, dear - take it easier on yourself. We all have those moments where we feel like the hamster going endlessly on the wheel in the cage with no sign of relief.

    Might you consider hiring someone for just one to two hours - private pay - for Sunday evening to go over, visit with mum, and put her meal together and sit with her while eating it? You would have peace of mind, neighbors can be told it's taken care of, and that would be that.

    I used to make and freeze meals for my mother, but she got to a point where she didn't remember to pull them from the freezer and heat them up. I had a sister in the area, but she didn't do anything! I should have hired someone to go visit with her during the meal hour, essentially to make the meal and keep her company while eating. Would this be possible for you? If not, I wonder if one of those neighbors would be willing - for a meal, for instance - to go have their Sunday meal with her, if you provided it?

    Just some ideas to let you out of the cage a bit and know you do have a life.
  3. Martin099

    Martin099 Registered User

    Nov 13, 2012
    Hi Doghouse
    I remember those days with my mum before we had to move her in to a home. More often than not the calls were from my mum though, not from a neighbour or friends. We decided to have carers come in, 3 days a week to begin with but then it gradually progressed to twice a day, every day. I would go in most days as well, including overnight but in the end it became to much because I have a young family myself. Feelings of despair in this situation are completely understandable and nothing you should feel guilty about. Are you quite local to your mum?...obviously that will help. I found that trying to build up a network of friends, family, neighbours and carers can help. We were lucky in that my mum had lived in the same house (the family home) for over 40 years and therefore we had a number of close neighbours willing to help. People are amazing and will help you if they are aware of the situation - sometimes though people are so busy with their lives that they don't realise the full extent to which someone is struggling - it's worth getting others on board if you can - it will also help you in having others to talk to about the difficulties you are experiencing as a family.
    Feeling cross is also not unusual. Talking to others will again help to ease the anxiety and anger you are a feeling. With my mother I used to try to imagine what I would be like with dementia which somehow allowed me to empathise a little more....but I know it's not easy.
    Take care and keep posting

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