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Not been on here for weeks... thought I was doing OK ...but...

maryjoan

Registered User
Mar 25, 2017
1,412
South of the Border
Yes, that is exactly where I am at....... but, my question is 'when will we get back to normal?' - and I know the answer to that is:-

We will never get back to normal - not as we remember it.

Slight lockdown easing last week or so, and here in the south west ( and other areas) the 'R' is already up to 1.

Look at all the demonstrations yesterday - yes, they have the right to do so BUT they were not in most cases, distancing.
And most of the demonstrators were of the ethnicity that is most badly affected by Covid19 - so this will all kick off again ..... nothing more certain.

I am just trying very hard in my head to accept that nothing is going to change - I have reached breaking point and gone beyond it. Something I never thought was possible.......

The Drs cannot help, social services cannot help, family cannot help - we can't self fund. I can't move out because since we moved here 5 years ago, local rents have gone way beyond me.

I am strong, I am very strong, but one gets fed up of being strong.... but I have to accept, and so many others like me, that this is IT now. I am 71, this is it, nothing will change until one of us dies.

But as a genealogist, I have dipped into the past so many times that I realise my life is very easy compared with those in the past. In the 21st century we have expectations, and we think we have rights - Covid has put paid to a lot of that..........
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,531
cornwall
Yes, that is exactly where I am at....... but, my question is 'when will we get back to normal?' - and I know the answer to that is:-

We will never get back to normal - not as we remember it.

Slight lockdown easing last week or so, and here in the south west ( and other areas) the 'R' is already up to 1.

Look at all the demonstrations yesterday - yes, they have the right to do so BUT they were not in most cases, distancing.
And most of the demonstrators were of the ethnicity that is most badly affected by Covid19 - so this will all kick off again ..... nothing more certain.

I am just trying very hard in my head to accept that nothing is going to change - I have reached breaking point and gone beyond it. Something I never thought was possible.......

The Drs cannot help, social services cannot help, family cannot help - we can't self fund. I can't move out because since we moved here 5 years ago, local rents have gone way beyond me.

I am strong, I am very strong, but one gets fed up of being strong.... but I have to accept, and so many others like me, that this is IT now. I am 71, this is it, nothing will change until one of us dies.

But as a genealogist, I have dipped into the past so many times that I realise my life is very easy compared with those in the past. In the 21st century we have expectations, and we think we have rights - Covid has put paid to a lot of that..........
I’m in the South West too. I’m not your age but I can agree with some of the sentiments. I’m sorry that there is no one able to help. Can SS not help for respite? Some homes are taking on residents now.Sending (((hugs))) as there is nothing else I can suggest.
 

White Rose

Registered User
Nov 4, 2018
627
I realise my life is very easy compared with those in the past.
And I often think of how people suffer in third world countries and would give anything to be doing what we're doing in a comfortable house with money for food, clothes, electric and water. I don't think it's helpful, just makes me feel like a spoilt, complaining rich person (I'm not rich at all but by their standards I'm a millionaire!).
 

White Rose

Registered User
Nov 4, 2018
627
Some homes are taking on residents now
I think they are only taking people for respite if they isolate for two weeks. It seems unfair to expect a person with dementia to isolate in their rooms for two weeks, they won't be able to understand. I'm desperate for a couple of weeks myself but am just so grateful that my partner's new tablets have made him an easier person to live with and helped his speech and comprehension - what a difference even such small improvements make.
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,102
Scotland
Getting someone into a care home in the midst of the virus is difficult but not impossible. When my SIL tipped over into being without capacity her social worker made every effort to find a place. Almost all refused to take in any new residents. He then found two which were willing to take her and by chance the one we got her into has a very good record and have heard nothing but praise for it. They had five cases at the time and she was isolated for two weeks. That was over four weeks ago and they have no cases now and she is very settled.

I very much want to walk away from dementia and all it’s emotional stresses as it has taken its toll but I’m also grateful to know she is in good hands.

Go back to SS @maryjoan and pressure them to find a place.
 

Just me

Registered User
Nov 17, 2013
237
Yes, that is exactly where I am at....... but, my question is 'when will we get back to normal?' - and I know the answer to that is:-

We will never get back to normal - not as we remember it.

Slight lockdown easing last week or so, and here in the south west ( and other areas) the 'R' is already up to 1.

Look at all the demonstrations yesterday - yes, they have the right to do so BUT they were not in most cases, distancing.
And most of the demonstrators were of the ethnicity that is most badly affected by Covid19 - so this will all kick off again ..... nothing more certain.

I am just trying very hard in my head to accept that nothing is going to change - I have reached breaking point and gone beyond it. Something I never thought was possible.......

The Drs cannot help, social services cannot help, family cannot help - we can't self fund. I can't move out because since we moved here 5 years ago, local rents have gone way beyond me.

I am strong, I am very strong, but one gets fed up of being strong.... but I have to accept, and so many others like me, that this is IT now. I am 71, this is it, nothing will change until one of us dies.

But as a genealogist, I have dipped into the past so many times that I realise my life is very easy compared with those in the past. In the 21st century we have expectations, and we think we have rights - Covid has put paid to a lot of that..........
I agree with everything you say. I’m strong but I’m fed up of being strong.
Emotionally it’s having a toll.
I
 

maryjoan

Registered User
Mar 25, 2017
1,412
South of the Border
Getting someone into a care home in the midst of the virus is difficult but not impossible. When my SIL tipped over into being without capacity her social worker made every effort to find a place. Almost all refused to take in any new residents. He then found two which were willing to take her and by chance the one we got her into has a very good record and have heard nothing but praise for it. They had five cases at the time and she was isolated for two weeks. That was over four weeks ago and they have no cases now and she is very settled.

I very much want to walk away from dementia and all it’s emotional stresses as it has taken its toll but I’m also grateful to know she is in good hands.

Go back to SS @maryjoan and pressure them to find a place.
I have joint PoA with his son, who up until now has been extremely caring and helpful. But he had a conversation with the social worker the other day - then phoned me afterwards, to say that there was absolutely no way he would allow his father into a home where he would have to be quarantined for 2 weeks - especially as respite care. HIs son acknowledges I have gone beyond where I should, and won't have his father to live with him - he has gone down in my estimation considerably now.........
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,531
cornwall
I have joint PoA with his son, who up until now has been extremely caring and helpful. But he had a conversation with the social worker the other day - then phoned me afterwards, to say that there was absolutely no way he would allow his father into a home where he would have to be quarantined for 2 weeks - especially as respite care. HIs son acknowledges I have gone beyond where I should, and won't have his father to live with him - he has gone down in my estimation considerably now.........
Really!He wouldn’t allow it. Then maybe you need to step back and get him to take over. There must be away for you to get some time out
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,102
Scotland
I think he is overstepping himself. Is he going to look after you both if your health goes down too? Of course not.
 

maryjoan

Registered User
Mar 25, 2017
1,412
South of the Border
Really!He wouldn’t allow it. Then maybe you need to step back and get him to take over. There must be away for you to get some time out
His son lives 200+ miles away - he is in touch more than the daughter - who we never hear from...
I am speaking with the social worker again this week.......
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
283
is he willing to give you respite by personally caring for him by travelling the distance and putting his life on hold the way you have done.
 

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