Have you ever felt like you are banging your head against a brick wall?
In the greater scheme, this isn't a major issue, but it's niggling away at me.
For decades now my husband has collected his Saturday and Sunday papers from the little corner shop at the end of our road. He buys three papers both days.
Over the last few months he has been getting into a muddle over what papers to buy. Sometimes he buys two of the same paper, sometimes he picks up extra papers which he never reads.
About four weeks ago I accompanied him to the shop and asked if the papers could be put behind the counter each weekend for my husband to collect.
Let's just say, there was a bit of a language barrier - and the shopkeeper really didn't seem to know what I meant.
After much gesticulation and carefully worded sentences I thought we had cracked it. I wrote down the names of the papers for both days, provided husband's name. and the shopkeeper pinned the note up behind the counter and said he'd help.
The following weekend my husband came back with the correct papers but had no recollection of them having been put aside. Last weekend, Saturday's papers were fine, but he was missing a Sunday paper.
Yesterday he came home with the right papers but again, seemed confused about anyone having put them aside for him. Today, I went to the shop with him and found out for myself that the papers had not been set aside.
When I asked why, I was told it couldn't be done (I think the guy simply didn't understand what I was asking so said "no"!)
The shopkeeper said he had the list pinned up and he would help my husband by telling him what to get.
Well, the guy obviously has no idea how dementia works - because getting my husband to stand in front of a sea of papers and verbally trying to direct him to the right ones is a mammoth task! (The shopkeeper won't come out from behind the counter to help, presumably for security reasons)
I tried to explain my husband's difficulty in finding the right papers, but the shopkeeper didn't seem to really understand what I was asking/saying - and even looked a little hurt at one point as he insisted he would help my husband.
I do appreciate that he is trying to help, there just seems to be a difference between what I'd like and what he is prepared to do.
The ironic thing is, that up until 9 years ago, when the shop was under different management, and long before my husband had any signs of dementia kicking in, the papers were automatically kept behind the counter for him, without him even asking.
I have a few options, none of which I want to take up at this point:
I don't think there is much more to be done, other than let the situation continue with the shopkeeper helping my husband in the way he has been doing, and hoping my husband does not grow frustrated trying to find the right papers
In the greater scheme, this isn't a major issue, but it's niggling away at me.
For decades now my husband has collected his Saturday and Sunday papers from the little corner shop at the end of our road. He buys three papers both days.
Over the last few months he has been getting into a muddle over what papers to buy. Sometimes he buys two of the same paper, sometimes he picks up extra papers which he never reads.
About four weeks ago I accompanied him to the shop and asked if the papers could be put behind the counter each weekend for my husband to collect.
Let's just say, there was a bit of a language barrier - and the shopkeeper really didn't seem to know what I meant.
After much gesticulation and carefully worded sentences I thought we had cracked it. I wrote down the names of the papers for both days, provided husband's name. and the shopkeeper pinned the note up behind the counter and said he'd help.
The following weekend my husband came back with the correct papers but had no recollection of them having been put aside. Last weekend, Saturday's papers were fine, but he was missing a Sunday paper.
Yesterday he came home with the right papers but again, seemed confused about anyone having put them aside for him. Today, I went to the shop with him and found out for myself that the papers had not been set aside.
When I asked why, I was told it couldn't be done (I think the guy simply didn't understand what I was asking so said "no"!)
The shopkeeper said he had the list pinned up and he would help my husband by telling him what to get.
Well, the guy obviously has no idea how dementia works - because getting my husband to stand in front of a sea of papers and verbally trying to direct him to the right ones is a mammoth task! (The shopkeeper won't come out from behind the counter to help, presumably for security reasons)
I tried to explain my husband's difficulty in finding the right papers, but the shopkeeper didn't seem to really understand what I was asking/saying - and even looked a little hurt at one point as he insisted he would help my husband.
I do appreciate that he is trying to help, there just seems to be a difference between what I'd like and what he is prepared to do.
The ironic thing is, that up until 9 years ago, when the shop was under different management, and long before my husband had any signs of dementia kicking in, the papers were automatically kept behind the counter for him, without him even asking.
I have a few options, none of which I want to take up at this point:
- I could ask for the papers to be delivered but I don't want to go down that route yet. My husband is very mobile and enjoys his walk to the paper shop at weekends. It gets him out the house and he often has the opportunity to say hello to friends and neighbours.
*I could walk to the shop with him - but again, it's not something I want to do yet. Being able to go to the shop and back on his own helps him maintain confidence and independence.
*I could check with the 'rival' paper shop at the end of the road to see if they would put the papers aside for him - but even if they did, I don't think it would help my husband in the long run because he would become confused about which shop to go into (and he would also feel disloyal to the shop he has used so many years).
I don't think there is much more to be done, other than let the situation continue with the shopkeeper helping my husband in the way he has been doing, and hoping my husband does not grow frustrated trying to find the right papers