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Not a toddler

DennyD

Registered User
Dec 6, 2016
182
0
Porthcawl, South Wales
Is it just me? Why is it that others talk to people with dementia as if they are small children? I've even noticed this with support staff. He is still a grown man, having lived a full life and is a husband. It really annoys me. I've seen the same happen to my aunt who was physically disabled and with colleague and friend with physical disabilities. We shared an office and people would turn toward me, when they should have been addressing her. Life will continue to be awkward.
 

oldboy

Registered User
Mar 28, 2021
12
0
i fully agree with you i hate that sort of thing i dont even like it with children
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
1,353
0
High Peak
Agreed. I never talked down to my children and adults were sometimes surprised at how articulate their replies were. Made me proud!

But with mum I was often shocked by the way people spoke to her, or spoke at her, or to me when they should have spoken to her. One carer was incredibly patronising and I had to actually complain. ('Of course she wants the nice cardi on, don't you dear? There, that's better, isn't it?' Pat, pat...)
 

Janey B

Registered User
Aug 15, 2019
66
0
Northwest
@DannyD
OMG just talking about this today. The way people/friends talk to my OH really upsets/angers me. I suppose they mean well but it’s so patronising and confirms to me he’s no longer the man he was 🥲
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
3,167
0
Southampton
i heard a A+E doctor ask him one day, you have a few memory problems i see. hes not 6 and should be given the respect we all like to be treated with
 

Lawson58

Registered User
Aug 1, 2014
2,308
0
Victoria, Australia
Personally, I am not aware of anybody doing this to my husband.

However, I do think that this sort of behaviour is a reflection of how little the general population understands about any form of dementia. I don't think that people are being unkind or patronising . They just think they are doing the right thing with every good intention and probably would be shocked if you told them that their behaviour was demeaning.

I think that even older people who are well sometimes get treated the same way as people assume often wrongly that they either have dementia or some form of deafness . I would like to think that people were trying to be encouraging a d helpful in spite of their ignorance.
 

Ramblingrose

Registered User
Feb 2, 2020
46
0
Some sufferers do become very childlike in there ways. Trying to talk to them adult to adult doesn't always work. I know! Everyone copes in different ways.
 

DennyD

Registered User
Dec 6, 2016
182
0
Porthcawl, South Wales
Some sufferers do become very childlike in there ways. Trying to talk to them adult to adult doesn't always work. I know! Everyone copes in different ways.
This is true, but to me it is painful to see, he is still my husband. I appreciate some will say that he probably doesn't realise, or does not understand, I'm not so sure about this. I also accept that it is not intentional, and it is hard for others to gauge how to react. I do feel though that those who work with people with dementia would be expected to get to know the people they look after and adjust their communication accordingly.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
3,167
0
Southampton
This is true, but to me it is painful to see, he is still my husband. I appreciate some will say that he probably doesn't realise, or does not understand, I'm not so sure about this. I also accept that it is not intentional, and it is hard for others to gauge how to react. I do feel though that those who work with people with dementia would be expected to get to know the people they look after and adjust their communication accordingly.
if they have had good training they do. i did person-centred care which the person was the centre. the way you spoke to them, how to engage with them, what they are intereste4d in what they used to do as a job how to approach them in regards to personal care. what they liked to eat, drink. the list is endless.
 

DennyD

Registered User
Dec 6, 2016
182
0
Porthcawl, South Wales
if they have had good training they do. i did person-centred care which the person was the centre. the way you spoke to them, how to engage with them, what they are intereste4d in what they used to do as a job how to approach them in regards to personal care. what they liked to eat, drink. the list is endless.
That looks like a good example of a centre that has got it right.
 

WJG

Registered User
Sep 13, 2020
103
0
Some sufferers do become very childlike in there ways. Trying to talk to them adult to adult doesn't always work. I know! Everyone copes in different ways.
I am a person with a neuro degenerative disease, not a 'sufferer'
 

Seaholly

Registered User
Oct 12, 2020
62
0
Oh yes!!! We've had some absolutely amazing carers who know just how to pitch the conversation and the tone and appreciate that how they communicate to the PWD can change minute by minute - let alone day by day.
Others just put on this silly sing-song voice and talk baby talk regardless and it drives Mum absolutely mad. The worst lot were the ones whose agency office was full of Alzheimer's logos and information on display about how knowledgeable they were about dementia! I've found as the principal carer, a fair few are guilty of talking to the family in that way too, as though we know nothing!

It's not just dementia. I have a teenage relative with autism who is bright, articulate and his main problem is that he lacks confidence and tries to compensate by talking too much and controlling the conversation. People don't just talk to him as though he is a toddler: they have been known to talk to the whole family that way too! Teachers are the worst of the lot, I'm afraid. I still remember his primary school head giving me a rundown of his failings that day, in a voice that would make a 5 year old feel patronised. As for other parents at the school gate, they would chat away just fine until they realised who I was and then it was almost laughable the way their faces and tone changed.

Who knew dementia and autism were contagious eh?!!!
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
3,167
0
Southampton
Oh yes!!! We've had some absolutely amazing carers who know just how to pitch the conversation and the tone and appreciate that how they communicate to the PWD can change minute by minute - let alone day by day.
Others just put on this silly sing-song voice and talk baby talk regardless and it drives Mum absolutely mad. The worst lot were the ones whose agency office was full of Alzheimer's logos and information on display about how knowledgeable they were about dementia! I've found as the principal carer, a fair few are guilty of talking to the family in that way too, as though we know nothing!

It's not just dementia. I have a teenage relative with autism who is bright, articulate and his main problem is that he lacks confidence and tries to compensate by talking too much and controlling the conversation. People don't just talk to him as though he is a toddler: they have been known to talk to the whole family that way too! Teachers are the worst of the lot, I'm afraid. I still remember his primary school head giving me a rundown of his failings that day, in a voice that would make a 5 year old feel patronised. As for other parents at the school gate, they would chat away just fine until they realised who I was and then it was almost laughable the way their faces and tone changed.

Who knew dementia and autism were contagious eh?!!!
my grandson is autistic and we love him so much for trying.