I can see a problem approaching. It's less than three months since mum died and I feel I'm coping pretty well. If sad memories arise, I have a cry as I know it is not good to bottle things up. I don't fight it, I allow it to happen which is actually most days. However, as we get nearer to Christmas, family members are beginning to invite me to stay with them over Christmas. The thing is, I am a total 'Bah Humbug' kind of person. Not at all 'peopley' and am perfectly happy with my own company. The last time I honestly enjoyed Christmas, I was in my 30's, I'm now in my 60's.
I used to love Christmas as a child. Do you remember when Christmas sort of started mid December not end of August, beginning of September? Do you remember when you only received new clothes twice a year, Whitsuntide and Christmas? Those days when you were happy with a new dolly or a new Lego set and a couple of selection boxes. I used to go the mum and dad's house over Christmas, we'd have chicken (not too keen on turkey), with veg and stuffing balls. Followed by Christmas pud, cake or mince pies, then spend the afternoon pogged out watching TV. After dad died ten years ago it was just mum and me.
I'm not a good actor and cannot act as though I am having a ball (even before grief) but I really don't want to have to sit for hours watching people take it in turns opening up mountains of prezzies (and believe me, it is mountains) and for me to open prezzies bought so that I don't feel left out and then trying to sound overjoyed. Reading through this makes me sound sooo ungrateful. I'm not ungrateful, it's just that I don't want or need gifts. I have everything that I need for now ( unless someone is willing to buy me a newer car - only kidding). The main thing I dislike about Christmas is that it is too commercial, it's almost like everyone tries to outdo each other gift-wise. I've spent the last four years doing Christmas jobs in big stores and really struggling to act 'Christmassy' when really I want to yell at the customers "Do you really need to come in at 3pm on Christmas Eve to buy something for £5 that wil break within hours?". This year I'm not going to do it, I'm going to hibernate.
My problem, therefore, is how to politely tell people I'd rather be at home without it sounding like a snub? You might be thinking "well they're grieving too" and you'd be right but they didn't spend 24/7 for 16 months caring for someone who used to be so vibrant and fun. Even typing this last sentence has brought tears to my eyes. I really just want to do my own thing over Christmas this year, is that too much to ask?
I used to love Christmas as a child. Do you remember when Christmas sort of started mid December not end of August, beginning of September? Do you remember when you only received new clothes twice a year, Whitsuntide and Christmas? Those days when you were happy with a new dolly or a new Lego set and a couple of selection boxes. I used to go the mum and dad's house over Christmas, we'd have chicken (not too keen on turkey), with veg and stuffing balls. Followed by Christmas pud, cake or mince pies, then spend the afternoon pogged out watching TV. After dad died ten years ago it was just mum and me.
I'm not a good actor and cannot act as though I am having a ball (even before grief) but I really don't want to have to sit for hours watching people take it in turns opening up mountains of prezzies (and believe me, it is mountains) and for me to open prezzies bought so that I don't feel left out and then trying to sound overjoyed. Reading through this makes me sound sooo ungrateful. I'm not ungrateful, it's just that I don't want or need gifts. I have everything that I need for now ( unless someone is willing to buy me a newer car - only kidding). The main thing I dislike about Christmas is that it is too commercial, it's almost like everyone tries to outdo each other gift-wise. I've spent the last four years doing Christmas jobs in big stores and really struggling to act 'Christmassy' when really I want to yell at the customers "Do you really need to come in at 3pm on Christmas Eve to buy something for £5 that wil break within hours?". This year I'm not going to do it, I'm going to hibernate.
My problem, therefore, is how to politely tell people I'd rather be at home without it sounding like a snub? You might be thinking "well they're grieving too" and you'd be right but they didn't spend 24/7 for 16 months caring for someone who used to be so vibrant and fun. Even typing this last sentence has brought tears to my eyes. I really just want to do my own thing over Christmas this year, is that too much to ask?
I've never been keen but particularly since I lost my father on 20th Dec, 7 years ago, the memory of having to cook and entertain the family just 5 days later, is dreadful. I would just love to fly off to somewhere warm and return when it is all over. To me it is just a case of having to do what is expected. That usually means me stuck in the kitchen for days and my OH chauffeuring the family back and forth all day. I love it when it's over and I can start thinking of summer!
