Simple tasks
Dear Linda,
You are being bombarded with advice, and I don't wish to scare you off by adding more 'wise words' or sound patronising, but so much of what you write takes me back a few years - I do know what you are talking about......
However, it might help to think of it from another point of view: my husband stopped making cups of tea etc because he could not break down the 'simple' task into small steps any longer; for a few months e managed providing we left it all prepared (mug with sugar, teabag+spoon next to kettle, milk in little jug ....), but even that proved too difficult eventually.
The same applied to shaving: he started 'skipping' the odd day, he resented being prompted and refused any assistance, and as you rightly say, he was not 'a pretty sight', but it was obvious that he was not comfortable with it himself.
Linda, be kind to yourself: try and find some help and accept the fact that you won't solve this ghastly mess in a hurry, because there is no perfect solution. I am making it all up as I go along, sometimes we have a few calmer days, then some new hurdle jumps out right in front of us, and every now and then I realise that something that really bugged me has 'gone away'.
Chin up and hang on in there. Best wishes!!!