Normal?? does it exist?

[Tinylou]

I havent been on here for a while, moving house changing job etc. Dad is 80 now, and his cancer is progressing and the Alzheimers seems to be morphing!
I dont live near Dad, my sister is his primary carer. We talk often, and i call dad often, although the conversation remains much the same day after day...Dad has seemed to have started hoarding sweets, cakes pastries... anything sweet... he buys frozen foods, and keeps them in the fridge, till they go off..
Now, he appears to be becoming aggressive, only verbally, not physically.
(stubborn is maybe a better word.)
He wont wear the safety tag around his neck anymore, as there is no need...
'Im not going to fall over , Am I?' he asks..
he has set it off accidentally recently... and 'they keep calling me' he reminds us, angrily!
when do you know is the time for someone else to help care for someone you love??
when does my sister admit that dad is too much?
he doesnt wash anymore, wears the same clothes... messes himself, as he takes too many laxatives(why does he take them??)
is this normal??
what is normal.....
My dad is now the child...

 

[Lila13]

What support has your sister already tried to get, if any?

I think my mother also took too many laxatives sometimes, probably couldn't remember when she had taken them so took another dose.

Lila

 

[Tinylou]

my sister seems to think she can do this alone... they do have a memory nurse that comes over to check up on dad, but he somehow seems to summon all he has, and nearly appear'super smashingly Normal!'
Its hard to say to my sister to seek outside help...
i live miles away, we talk regularly... but its so unfair to expect one person to do it all..
help = charity..= sister cant cope....... but no one thinks that..

 

[Lila13]

You can only try to encourage your sister to get help before it is too much for her and try to persuade her to see it as a right not a charity. Might help if she has any sympathetic neighbours who might do some phoning. I think that was how we got the carers and the rapid results clinic/memory clinic, not from anything I did, only neighbours phoning.

Lila

 

[Áine]

help = charity..= sister cant cope....... but no one thinks that..

? help = acting responsibly and recognising that it's in the best interests of you and the person you're caring for to not try to do it all by yourself = in the long run you'll probably cope better and for longer

do you know the people who your sister fears might think it's a sign of her not coping? perhaps if they were to ask her what help she was getting, and be 'surprised' that she wasn't getting any, your sister might see things differently

 

[Margarita]

I never ask for help for 2 years with my mother , think it was more to do with that my mother would not expect any help as in someone washing her , and I thought I new it all did not help , did not belive how deep it gets with the careing needs . does your sister live with your father ?