My wife (60) was diagnosed with Alzheimers almost 2 years ago. Her father had suffered from the same disease but this was before we met so I have no personal experience of how she coped, only references to her visits to him in the local hospital. She has always been reluctant to tell anyone of her illness, even members of her family were to be kept in the dark. Of course I have had to inform not only her family but my family and most of our friends. She has no knowledge that this has occurred. We tried to get her involved with the local young persons group of the alzheimers society and her initial reacion at the first meeting was encouraging. However the second meeting was not a success and she indicated that she does not want to meet the group again. Even visits from the local society members have been rejected by my wife. I have approached her doctor to see if there was any way to get her to accept her condition and he arranged for someone from the local mental health team to visit. Although my wife did allow the visit and responded with her usual social grace and merriment, the response to questions about how she copes when I am not around and how she feels when she cannot remember met with a dismissive response. She immediatley stated, on the departure of the visitor, that she did not want to see him again. She also responds badly when I take her to see her consultant as he has to assess her using the MMSE, and she hates participating in this test. The last time it was conducted, she was very angry that I had not helped her with the answers. She does not paticipate in houshold activities unless she is directed and helped. She has no hobbies, her only main interest is in shopping (usually for clothes) and social visits to freinds and family which involves travelling around for several hours a day. If I gently attempt to restrict these activities she get very uptight and of course I am always the one to blame. Thoughts of any assessment when applying for any assistance from social services etc. fill me with dread at her reaction, and thus far I have not had the courage to pursue any request for help. I have already halved my working hours and am currently off sick with depression, and I suspect that I will not return to work. This will be a financial burden. I do not know if I am doing the right thing in acceding to most of her wishes, or how to handle the grief (which includes her suggestion of living separately). when it is neccessary to not accede. It has been suggested to me that it is common for sufferers not to accept their condition, but there seems to be little advice on how to cope with the problems that this brings.