Hi Jonathan
You whinge all you want, as our friends said earlier, the TP family is here for you.
You do sound pretty close to breaking point, I know that feeling, I have ended up on anti depressants, it sort of sneaked up on me! There is always the final straw, and like our friends have said to you previously, you MUST get some help for yourself, I left it a tat late, but I'm getting there now.
My brother and I are always in turn (depending on the mood) toast and out of the Will. You can only laugh it off, you must not let mum blackmail you. Folk with dementia what ever form it takes are great at the guilt monster, yep and we too have the mum against Hilter stories, yep there was nobody else going through that hardship etc. etc. etc. But it is the illness, and I hate to say this, it isn't going to get any better, darker days to come Jonathan. So, you really do need to bully, nag, threaten etc. etc. Social Services to get you some help.
My mum used to be horrible to her carer (1/2 hr call each day, but boy did it help), you must remember, they dont take it personal, its just a job to them, and they have seen it all before. After months of this behaviour she got the message that it wasnt getting her anywhere, so eventually it stopped, hard going that it was, I used to feel so ashamed at the things she used to say, the classic is we (the family) steal from her, dentures, hair rollers, phone books, the list is endless, but you do learn to roll with it, again, its the illness, and the carer used to just raise her eyes to say, here we go again.
Contact every voluntary agency in the phone book, even if its just to get you out of the house for an hour a week, I know you feel you cannot leave mum, but you never know, she might just appreciate you a bit more if she is left alone for a wee bit. Sometimes you just have to take the change that something awful is going to happen in that hour, bet it doesn't!!
I have no advice on the drink problem, again its the illness. My only experience is mums sister literally drank herself to death (but she was always a happy drunk), as did her daughter who was only 40 years old. You just have to minimise the risk to yourself, even if that means shutting (locking) yourself in another room until the abuse stops. You have to look after yourself, where will mum be if you crack up??
Take heart, we are all here for you.
Love
Cate
You whinge all you want, as our friends said earlier, the TP family is here for you.
You do sound pretty close to breaking point, I know that feeling, I have ended up on anti depressants, it sort of sneaked up on me! There is always the final straw, and like our friends have said to you previously, you MUST get some help for yourself, I left it a tat late, but I'm getting there now.
My brother and I are always in turn (depending on the mood) toast and out of the Will. You can only laugh it off, you must not let mum blackmail you. Folk with dementia what ever form it takes are great at the guilt monster, yep and we too have the mum against Hilter stories, yep there was nobody else going through that hardship etc. etc. etc. But it is the illness, and I hate to say this, it isn't going to get any better, darker days to come Jonathan. So, you really do need to bully, nag, threaten etc. etc. Social Services to get you some help.
My mum used to be horrible to her carer (1/2 hr call each day, but boy did it help), you must remember, they dont take it personal, its just a job to them, and they have seen it all before. After months of this behaviour she got the message that it wasnt getting her anywhere, so eventually it stopped, hard going that it was, I used to feel so ashamed at the things she used to say, the classic is we (the family) steal from her, dentures, hair rollers, phone books, the list is endless, but you do learn to roll with it, again, its the illness, and the carer used to just raise her eyes to say, here we go again.
Contact every voluntary agency in the phone book, even if its just to get you out of the house for an hour a week, I know you feel you cannot leave mum, but you never know, she might just appreciate you a bit more if she is left alone for a wee bit. Sometimes you just have to take the change that something awful is going to happen in that hour, bet it doesn't!!
I have no advice on the drink problem, again its the illness. My only experience is mums sister literally drank herself to death (but she was always a happy drunk), as did her daughter who was only 40 years old. You just have to minimise the risk to yourself, even if that means shutting (locking) yourself in another room until the abuse stops. You have to look after yourself, where will mum be if you crack up??
Take heart, we are all here for you.
Love
Cate
