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No suitable care home - desperate for advice

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Worrywart 2, Jul 30, 2015.

  1. Worrywart 2

    Worrywart 2 Registered User

    Jul 7, 2015
    Hello everyone. My mother had been in hospital a month- there were no beds in our area a dos she was admitted to a hospital in the next county. She has vascular dementia following brain haemorrhage 3 yrs ago - she is just 76. She is unsafe to come home - they want us to look at EMI nursing homes as she needs further assessment out of a hospital environment. The homes we have looked at are horrific given my mother's age and stage of dementia they are wholly unsuitable. The hospital want her out as she is not medically Ill and she is bed blocking. If there are no suitable nursing homes ( and in any event all but one are full ), and the hospital want her out - what can we do? Has anyone been in this situation. It's hoped that after a few more weeks on memantine she may be suitable for an EMI residential home but she needs these psychiatrist assessments first.
    I'm at my witts end, il be 6 foot under soon, I'm not in good health.
    Thank you x
  2. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    North East England
    Hi Worrywort...My Mum, was unable to continue to live at home and she and I chose a nearby home which had/has an EMI wing as well as residential, so that had she needed an enclosed unit it would not have been strange to her...both units shared the same staff. As it happens she lasted 3 years and never had to move across the hall. I don't know where you live but the LA must be able to provide care for your Mum that suits her needs...not nec. the needs of the future but her needs now. If the homes they recommend are not good, then you will have to cast your net a bit wider. If there is no bed available, then the Hospital will have to keep her longer despite bed blocking.
    It is hard, Mum had her name down for about five months before she took up residence ( actually it was 18 months in total, but she was a) not too bad and had carers and me:eek::mad::rolleyes: and b) the home had lost her details( so she missed out on two or three chances:eek::rolleyes::rolleyes:) so it was about 5 months on the second list.
  3. Worrywart 2

    Worrywart 2 Registered User

    Jul 7, 2015
    Thank you for your reply cragmaid . There seems to be a fine line between whether my mother needs residential or nursing. Plus there are arguments now between the different counties as to whose responsibility she is. I remind them whenever I can there is a person involved here who didn't ask to be In this situation. I think maybe I try too hard to find a solution that doesn't exist. Maybe I should take a back seat and leave the professionals sort it out. She is quite happy on the ward and that's what matters to me, at least for tonight. Exhausted. Thank you x
  4. garnuft

    garnuft Registered User

    Sep 7, 2012
    Peace tonight for you and your Mum are enough,
    but don't be pressured or worry too much about her 'taking a place' or 'using her bed'...it's her place and her bed.
    No, it REALLY is.

    Stay firm and switched on, remember your Mum is your priority, they have their own agenda and it is filled with lots of demands...yours is ONLY your Mum.

    HER treatment, HER placement is their obligation, though they'll try to pretend it isn't.
    You can only stand your Mum's ground, who will if you don't?

    Best of luck as you continue the walk, it's a good system, you just have to know not to be too frightened when they walk you through the haunted forest.
  5. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    Well I can tell you that: the county/LA where she was resident before she entered the hospital is the one who is on the hook for this.
  6. Pete R

    Pete R Registered User

    Jul 26, 2014
    That is exactly what I would do as long as your Mother remains settled. :)

    It is their job to find a placement and then your job to approve or not. They shouldn't be bothering you with which authority is going to pay but if you feel the need to remind them of the responsibilities sec 19.9 of The New Care Act Statutory Guidance states........

    "The determination of ordinary residence should not delay the process of assessment or determination of eligible needs, nor should it stop the local authority from meeting the person’s needs. In cases where ordinary residence is not certain, the local authority should meet the individual’s needs first, and then resolve the question of residence subsequently. This is particularly the case where there may be a dispute between two or more local authorities."
  7. Worrywart 2

    Worrywart 2 Registered User

    Jul 7, 2015
    Thank you very much for your replies and reassurance. The extract from the NewCare act is very interesting Pete R problem is we live in Wales so I think the rules may be different but that quote covers my mother's situation perfectly, thank you.

    Thank you so much,
  8. Pete R

    Pete R Registered User

    Jul 26, 2014
    Until next year when Wales gets a New care Act then I think WOC 41/93: Ordinary Residence applies........

    Slightly different words (especially in the Welsh version:D) but same sentiment.

    "Authorities should note in particular that the provision of services for individuals requiring social services should not be delayed because of uncertainty about which authority is responsible"

    Age UK fact sheet 41w maybe worth a read.

    I wish your Mother well.:)
  9. Jessbow

    Jessbow Registered User

    #9 Jessbow, Jul 31, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 31, 2015

    That could cut both ways, don't forget. It could mean that they place her miles away on the grounds that it meet her needs.

    I was in the similar situation 2 years ago, determined mum would stay in hospital until a place came up where I wanted her to be , in the end, they did go against my wishes, and in fact , although it was a fair distance, it was good for mum. 13 weeks in though. I believe 13 weeks is the maximum they will keep someone in hospital. Once they are deemed fit for discharge you wont get much longer than that. ( that's entire stay, not 13 weeks after *fit for discharge*.
  10. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    Near Southampton
    Many homes that may not look suitable when viewing can prove to be good.
    The more attractive and smart homes can often have problems not picked up on a short visit as can be seen from reports in the media.
    My husband was on delayed discharge and I was under no illusion that if I didn't find a nursing home pretty quickly, he would be found one.

    He went into the nursing wing of a large nursing home which also had a residental and dementia wings. At 72, he was probably among the youngest there but it made little difference. He joined in what activities he was capable of but these were very few as he could not walk and was bed-bound for all but 4 hours of the day. His home was owned by the LA and was the best I saw amongst 14 or so others and I never had any regret that I'd chosen it.

    Maybe better to choose yourself than have your mother placed somewhere you would like even less. Best of luck.
  11. Greyone

    Greyone Registered User

    Sep 11, 2013

    I can sympathise with your situation becasue ours was similar. If you have an allocated social worker ask her for a list of care homes that accept local authority rates.If not checlck your councils webiste. ( Our social worker send us a photocopy of a very old list so i found one similar on our council websites). Even if there are none within easy reach i would be very surprised if the council did not know of any at all. if not then go to the CQC website and find care hoems near you post code.That should tell you the ones in orer of distance from where you live. The filter on dementia. if this still gives you problems then try calling the alzheimer's society directly.

    For my family the priority was suitability , then ease of visit. I hope you find one nearby, if not then start by just having a look at the nearest one to you that provides residential care for those with dementia.... Good Luck.
  12. curtainsgalore

    curtainsgalore Registered User

    Nov 2, 2014
    I found that as Mum was self funding the LA didn't/ couldn't give advice to where she should go and left the groundwork to me. We were lucky to find an EMI home suitable for Mums advanced vascular dementia and Alzheimer's, bit tatty in places but lovely caring staff, great activities mon - fri and the most wonderful cook, preparing local produce. My Mum has put on 3 stones in 1 year after getting down to 5stone 12 lb. it does have some positives being cared for 24/7. Even though we feel so guilty for Mum being there.
  13. Worrywart 2

    Worrywart 2 Registered User

    Jul 7, 2015
    Thank you all so much. It's a minefield and in January of this year I went in for operwtion and ended up with perforated bowel I was in hospital for 3 months and still have problems. I don't feel up to it but am quickly realising I need to get my act together here and start looking. I went to visit today and the hospital have decided to repatriate her - they make it sound as though they doing her such a favour - in reality she will be moved to a medical ward in our area of a very busy hospital so goodness knows how that will work as she is quite hard work constantly looking for a train or bus and wandering up and down the ward. It's a nightmare but I don't have to tell you lovely people that. I am a little too intense and maybe I do need to relax a bit and leave things happen. As soon as my mother saw me she shot out of bed saying 'oh thank goodness you are here, what time is the train'? I then have to spend the rest of visiting time telling her she can't come home yet so she gets agitated and quite nasty. I left in tears I think I make her worse as she sees me and thinks I will make it ok and I can't. So heartbreaking.
    Thanks Pete for the link - will check these out tomorrow - this is exhausting stuff x

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