No right or wrong desicion


Registered User
Mar 30, 2006
Hi every-one...just returned from scotland after visitng mum again...stayed in my sons flat for a few days... he is in the navy so he wasn,t at home.. i was glad as i'm always stressed out... or my topic of conversation is alzhemers.. i wanted to visit mum again as i was ready to make the desicion about moving her to cheshire to be closer to myself... i spent a lot of time at the home at all different times to get a more realistic view on my mums enviroment ... My mum is still mobile and she does like to wander. i saw her wandering round with a lady who she has made a friend of,, this touched my heart as i realised that they depended on each other just like a true friend would. Although i am not happy with the level of care due to the lack of staff i realised my mum is happy in her surroundings and moving her may further advance the A.D. . Reading your replies to my last post helped. I visited a home close to me which i didn,t particulary like but this helped me realise i could be going down the same road with the same problems that arise in a care home. My mum also has 2 days a week at a dementia group which she has attended for 6 years and it is trully wonderfull and i also trust the woman that runs this group 110% My mum loves this group and she thinks she is visiting an old friend... my mum gets great support and stimulation from the dementia group.This would stop if i moved her.... This group prevents my mum from vegetating. When i was at the home there was a meeting for relatives and residents which i attended.. the weather was bad so there was a poor turn out.. but it was good to hear the views of the other relatives which is the same things that i complain about ... at least i'm not alone in the fight for the level of care our relatives deserve.. so for the moment i am leaving my mum in this care home but i know that this could change in the future.I took my mum to the dentist and the opticians when i was there so we had another busy adventure for us both..My heart feels better at the moment but i know i can only plan for the unexpected when dealing with alzheimers.. take care every-one

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Hello Ell, I`ts good to know you feel your mother is too settled to benefit from a move. Even if the home does have some inadequacies, she sounds as happy as you could expext her to be.
That she has a friend is very important. The Dementia Group sounds impressive.
If you did move her nearer to you, she would probably become more confused than ever. It is unlikely she would be able to make new friends.
It sounds to me that you have made a good decision.


Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
Hi Ell, nothing in this world is ever 100 per cent right.

I think you have looked at the situation from all angles and settled for the biggest proportion of 'positives'. It would seem to be the right decision for mum at the moment.
Thinking of you, take care,


Registered User
May 20, 2006
North East
Hi Ell

Glad to hear that you feel happier now your mum has a friend - I think that's what my mum misses in the home she's in.

I was really interested in your mention of the Dementia Group - can you let me know what they do and is it unique to Scotland?



Registered User
Feb 22, 2006
sort of north east ish

It's good to hear that you've arrived at a decision that you feel happy with. It sounds like mum has got a lot going for her where she is.

I think the title of your thread makes a really really good point. Much of the time there is no right or wrong decision .......... just a tricky balance between two or more difficult options, neither/none of which are ideal. That's something that helped me cope with the decisions I had to make about my dad. The other thing that I had to remind myself of continually is that you can only make those decisions based on what you know at the time. We can't know how things are going to turn out, some things we might be able to predict, but not all. And (my favourite bit from the Narnia stories) we can never know what MIGHT have been had we taken another course.

best wishes



Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland

Glad your mum is so settled in her NH, it's great that she has been able to make a friend.

As you say, there are no right or wrong decisions, all we can do is the best we can for now.

And as we all know, with AD, 'now' can last one hour, one day, or ten years.

But for now, I think you've made the right decision.