I understand that there isn't an answer to what I'm about to say. I'm being selfish and writing my thoughts in this post. We don't have any children and so apart from very supportive friends and family my OH & I deal with this. He went into a CH last June, on a permanent basis. He doesn't accept that he needs to be there. I, his brother and everyone else know that it is the best option. He was diagnosed with FTD in Jan 2018. I understand that lack of insight is a common problem. My problem is that I find it so very hard to have to keep trying to convince him that it's for the best. He becomes very upset and verbally agressive accusing me of all kinds of reasons for keeping him there. The thing is that I'm absolutely certain that I couldn't have him home again because in a day, a week or a month, I know we would be back to square one; he'd fall have to go to A&E & so it goes on. In the CH he's well looked after and he looks well. I'm feeling so much better not having to be so worried about him but none of this helps him. He doesn't accept that he needs care. I don't know which is the real him. The one who is so lovely, co operative and smiley to the carers or the one who is miserable, morose and often irritable towards me. Is host mode the true side?I've also been told that people with dementia often take up a new interest. My OH wasn't interested in new things anyway. He always has been a loner so should I expect him to change now? He chooses to stay in his room even though he's invited to join in with activities so should I worry that he spends a lot of time on his own. In fact he sees more people in the CH than he would if he were at home. He soon forgets how horrible he's been but the next time I visit off we go again. I can't forget but I suppose I'll get immune to it in time. Perhaps the guilt will also fade?
No Reasoning
- Thread starter Ernest
- Start date
My OH is still here at home with me - but my life and his, has no quality. We lived about 150 miles apart when we first met - and I wish it was like that now. If I could return to being his partner, but not his live in partner it would be so much better for us both. But our bridges are burnt and we cannot afford to live apart any more.
And this is probably what you might find eventually. When your partner settles in the CH - or even doesn't settle, but forgets he has not settled. You will be able to visit without guilt - but still have your own life - you might find, over time, that it is the better answer for you both, and that your relationship improves.
I hope so. Dementia is the thief in the night, that has come and taken from you - but eventually acceptance comes for what you have lost. If one does not accept one is very bitter and angry - I have recently got myself to the point of acceptance and it is a better place to be.
And this is probably what you might find eventually. When your partner settles in the CH - or even doesn't settle, but forgets he has not settled. You will be able to visit without guilt - but still have your own life - you might find, over time, that it is the better answer for you both, and that your relationship improves.
I hope so. Dementia is the thief in the night, that has come and taken from you - but eventually acceptance comes for what you have lost. If one does not accept one is very bitter and angry - I have recently got myself to the point of acceptance and it is a better place to be.
