Very upset that my husband who passed away on 3rd March can't have his funeral service in church now. I was told yesterday that the vicar will still take the service, but it has to be at the graveside with just 4-5 mourners. Arranging the funeral was the last thing I had to do for my husband and I am so sad I can't give him a proper funeral. It is not fair that he had Vascular Dementia and now this. The family are hoping to have a memorial service when it is possible. I know a lot of people are a lot worse off than me and I shouldn't moan, but this is horrible.
No proper funeral
- Thread starter chippiebites
- Start date
I’m sorry @chippiebites . I understand how upsetting this is. If your family are all well could you do something at home after the burial to remember him?
That is so sad @chippiebites. I do hope a memorial service when all this is over will compensate in some small way.
All you can do is bury him with dignity and pride.
When this is all over a memorial service sounds lovely.
I am so sorry but I am sure that he would understand and would not wish anyone to risk their lives by attending a full service.
Please look after yourself now, it is so odd when you are left alone but please find the strength to carry on.
I speak from experience, rest and regain strength and look after yourself.
When this is all over a memorial service sounds lovely.
I am so sorry but I am sure that he would understand and would not wish anyone to risk their lives by attending a full service.
Please look after yourself now, it is so odd when you are left alone but please find the strength to carry on.
I speak from experience, rest and regain strength and look after yourself.
I feel for you in this horrible situation and it has nothing to do with how others are doing but your own husband. I particularly understand your feelings because my husband’s funeral was on the 2nd March and it was probably the last week of being able to hold one. It seems a lifetime ago and it’s only 2 and a half weeks. Grief carries on even in these viral circumstances and I send you my sympathy.
Thank you all for your lovely replies. My husband really would have understood, he was a very pragmatic man and just got on with whatever life dealt him. The vicar is a lovely lady and I am sure she will do her best. It is sensible really, my husband was 86 and his brothers and cousins are all elderly so my husband would not have wanted anyone to be at risk by attending. Thank you all for understanding xx
We had a memorial service for my dad some months after his death as, due to a recent move, there were issues for friends and family getting to the funeral. Dad didn't have dementia and his death was sudden although he had been in poor health for most of his life. The funeral was small.
We had a memorial service and gathering back in his home town. We were able to plan and really think about what we wanted and although we were still mourning it felt that we had the time to make the right decisions. The service went really well, was well attended and it felt like we had said a proper farewell to dad with a mixture of laughter and tears. The service did feel more like the celebration of his life that some people try to achieve at funerals but not always with success as the grief is still too raw for some people to manage this.
I know, due to current circumstances, you cannot even set a date for the memorial service but hope you and your family will find a way to say a quiet farewell at the funeral knowing that something much more to you wishes can be planned and carried out in the future.
We had a memorial service and gathering back in his home town. We were able to plan and really think about what we wanted and although we were still mourning it felt that we had the time to make the right decisions. The service went really well, was well attended and it felt like we had said a proper farewell to dad with a mixture of laughter and tears. The service did feel more like the celebration of his life that some people try to achieve at funerals but not always with success as the grief is still too raw for some people to manage this.
I know, due to current circumstances, you cannot even set a date for the memorial service but hope you and your family will find a way to say a quiet farewell at the funeral knowing that something much more to you wishes can be planned and carried out in the future.
This must be so upsetting for you and your family @chippiebites - I know that when my husband died I was helped greatly by being able to arrange a funeral service and wake with friends and family present.
I hope that a lovely memorial service will help when the time is right - but I know that keeping everything 'on hold' is not ideal, especially when you need that support and a way to pay full tribute to your husband right now.
Thinking of you and hoping for the best of outcomes to such a miserable situation.
I hope that a lovely memorial service will help when the time is right - but I know that keeping everything 'on hold' is not ideal, especially when you need that support and a way to pay full tribute to your husband right now.
Thinking of you and hoping for the best of outcomes to such a miserable situation.
I have no words for you @chippiebites - but just send much love. Your husband would understand totally. You will be there for him, and you are the most important person saying goodbye.
Mum's funeral was at the end of February and I am grateful that it was held before all these rulings came into place. I am due to attend a cremation next week - again, it is just that and nothing more. My heart goes out to you all.
X
Mum's funeral was at the end of February and I am grateful that it was held before all these rulings came into place. I am due to attend a cremation next week - again, it is just that and nothing more. My heart goes out to you all.
X
I had decided in advance that I was going to have a cremation without ceremony for my mum, and since she was a devoted member of her church, I had a memorial service over a month later, with a lovely photo of her on the communion table. We played some of the music that mum loved, and everyone said what a lovely service it had been. It must be terrible not being able to have a proper funeral if thats what you had planned, but , rest assured, the memorial service will be all the better whenever it is held. I never thought I would say this, but I am glad mum passed away before this horrible virus came along. My heart goes out to everyone affected by it, including those who are unable to be at their loved one's deathbed or to hold a funeral.
I have to say @CWR I am glad that my husband isn't here now because I would be so worried about him during this virus outbreak. He died at home and I was fortunate to be with him, so it could have been a lot worse. I can't imagine how it would feel not to be able to see you loved one before they passed. Once again many thanks for your kind posts.
I am so, so sorry to hear this - my heart goes out to you and you are so right, it is utterly dreadful.
I am also in a similar situation. My partner died on 7 March, after 8 years with FTD.
Her funeral is planned for 3 April and it seems that everyday her funeral is getting parred back, no wake afterwards, we as a family can’t carry her coffin, we have been asked to keep mourners to a minimum and after the service we must have the curtains close to prevent anyone from touching her coffin.
I have been told to expect worse case scenario of having to delay, (to when!!!) or watch the service through a webcam. Thankfully we are not there yet but the pace of change is such that I am fearful we may get to this stage.
We will hold a memorial at a later stage, like you.
I am grateful though that she died before her Care Home was closed to visitors and she will never have to worry about COVID - 19 and the devastation it is causing.
I am also in a similar situation. My partner died on 7 March, after 8 years with FTD.
Her funeral is planned for 3 April and it seems that everyday her funeral is getting parred back, no wake afterwards, we as a family can’t carry her coffin, we have been asked to keep mourners to a minimum and after the service we must have the curtains close to prevent anyone from touching her coffin.
I have been told to expect worse case scenario of having to delay, (to when!!!) or watch the service through a webcam. Thankfully we are not there yet but the pace of change is such that I am fearful we may get to this stage.
We will hold a memorial at a later stage, like you.
I am grateful though that she died before her Care Home was closed to visitors and she will never have to worry about COVID - 19 and the devastation it is causing.
I'm so sorry at @chippiebites. I can't imagine how your feeling but you must remind yourself that this won't be forever and that you will be able to a memorial service when this is over.
MaNaAk
MaNaAk
