No Pig Should be Without a Copy!

barraf

Registered User
Mar 27, 2004
308
0
Huddersfield
No Pig should be without a copy

Dear Magic

Pleased to see you have got a little extra help.

Was this arranged through the SS? The Social Worker I spoke to said that they don't do carer/sitters. Any knowledge to fire back at him would be of help.

Cheers Barraf
 

Mjaqmac

Registered User
Mar 13, 2004
939
0
It is a special dementia care team through Age Concern but mum had to get a referral through her consultant. They will only take people with referrals this way. Once I got to know the boss she has been very accommodating and has helped me out with no fuss or qualms at all. I have an absolultely lovely sitter whom we are all very fond of at last! We went through a few whom were fine, but this one is a joy to have and great with mum. I can go out and not worry at all, she's in good hands. I may even have to go to 4 days per week as I am getting really worn down and find myself on a very short fuse.

They don't wash and dress mum but it can be arranged, it just never works out for us with all of mum's physical illnesses on top of the dementia.

Why not get in touch with your Age Concern branch and ask if such a service is available barraf? Your CPN could probably arrange a referral from your consultant. Good luck.

Apparantly Crossroads also do a sitting service but I think there is a lot wait, don't let that put you off, try anyway.
 
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storm

Registered User
Aug 10, 2004
269
0
notts
Dear Barraf,I have just arranged through S/S to have a 2hr sitting service from a home care worker,this enables me to go out at least once a week, hoping to increase it at some point.Try red cross they do a very good sitting service in my area of up to 4hrs a day.storm
 

barraf

Registered User
Mar 27, 2004
308
0
Huddersfield
No Pig should be without a copy

Dear All

Thanks for the prompt replies.

The Social Worker has been again today and has informed me he is going to try for Direct Payments to pay for a carer/sitter for initially four hours/week. His actual words were don't build up too much hope, but I do think we have a good case. It will take a while to perculate through the system so don't panic if it seems that nothing is happening.

By the way my copy of Selfish Pigs arrived this morning and I only ordered it on Monday. Only read a few pages up to press, hope I get to the funny bits soon, up to now it is producing more tears than laughter.

Cheers Barraf
 

Sheila

Registered User
Oct 23, 2003
2,259
0
West Sussex
Dear Barraff, so pleased to hear your making progress with getting some help. Well, I found some bits funny, it was when I related things to my own experiences and feelings and how he put them over in words that I would never have dared use at the time, so hope others do to. Otherwise, put it down to my warped sense of humour! It is a very informative book and very thought provoking. Love She. XX
 

Mjaqmac

Registered User
Mar 13, 2004
939
0
Actually I'm having trouble with it. Apart from the fact that I can't seem to concentrate even on a magazine, it's so close to home it's scary! It seems to be I eat, sleep and breathe dementia. Even when boyfriend rings from abroad at night we always end up talking about mum and me moaning about all that's happened. I feel like I have dementia too.

Have to go and look at a nursing home for possible respite tomorrow. Woman whose room will be vacant is in hospital and not expected to leave there. Dreading tomorrow, hate making all these decisions etc.

Want some decent help. Respite fees etc were not proplerly explained after the last stint. Bill will be a shock! No one knows their **** from their elbow in this set up. And we are always the ones it hurts and whom are left floundering in the water. Drowning in useless and inaccurate info.

Whinge over.

Thank you for the space.
 
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Brucie

Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
12,413
0
near London
Hello Magic

yes, I've experienced that too - everyone I spoke to at one time had to be involved in some way with the aspects of dementia. I felt as if I must be the biggest bore there is [well, there is actually good evidence that even without the dementia aspect, I can be truly boring to an Olympic standard]. This made me reluctant to talk to people and made me even more introspective.

Looking at nursing homes with a view to a loved one being placed there is problematic enough, without the financial aspects.

Unfortunately we seem to be saddled with so-called help in caring by people who may as well be from the planet Glop.

Try to be strong tomorrow - best wishes to you, you may not think it, but you are doing an heroic job in the worst of circumstances.
 

Jude

Registered User
Dec 11, 2003
2,287
0
70
Tully, Qld, Australia
Dear Magic,

Very best of luck for tomorrow! I shall be thinking of you....

Re the Pig. It not only comes close to home, it's in your kitchen and lurking under the lounge suite. He's literally been there and doing it - and written it down.

Hugh's comments about sharing the dementia as well..... Scary stuff, but it is entirely true. It takes up so much time. What else is there to talk about when you don't have any outside stimulus on any other subject? It what you are focused on and you have to talk about that. That's why TP is so wonderful. At least you aren't boring anyone here, so yack away by all means. There's nothing worse than trying to talk to people who aren't in the 'know' and watch their eyes glaze over......

I wonder just what carers did before TP? Craig deserves a medal...!

Jude
 

Jude

Registered User
Dec 11, 2003
2,287
0
70
Tully, Qld, Australia
Dear Brucie,

I shall challenge you for the Olympic Gold Medal, or at least Gold at the Commonwealth Games. I can bore for England on the subject. I've been practising on Ollie - it sends him to sleep in 6.5 seconds. How long before your cat nods off?

Jude
 

Mjaqmac

Registered User
Mar 13, 2004
939
0
Jude I agree. Craig does deserve a medal, what would we have done if he hadn't pushed to set up this site. Was reading about it on the main site. Must have been quite daunting wondering if anyone would turn up, bit like hosting a party! Boy did he get some crazy gatecrashers in!

Thanks both of you for the good wishes. I really don't want to go here tomorrow and I know dad will hide behind me, and I will be so upset that I'll babble for Ireland, trying to hide all the horrible emotions with banal conversation. I really don't want to send her anywhere, I see her wee face smiling at me from the sofa happy in her home and I feel like a selfish pig. Will go and see this place but will probably not put her in. Maybe this direct payment thing is worth a try. I wonder is it working well for anyone? There's never much info about it, everyone seems a bit cagey about it. I feel like I am being pushed towards nursing home respite and possible placement, this is really not the help I want. I want her in her own home I just cannot do all of this alone. If my sister would split it between us, we wouldn't need anyone.

As if all this isn't enough, kitchen ceiling is cracked and leaking, Jude you and I seem to be living in Waterworld!

Brucie you couldn't be boring if you tried, nor you Jude. I was just thinking today of what little I know about some of the carers here, there really are very exceptional people here, whom have lived very colourful lives and have some wonderful talents. Jude and her travels and colourful love life (I won't mention the policeman!) Brucie and Norman being published authors and the incredible love stories they have with their wives. Chesca, an acid tongued accomplished musician, Irish Storm (there's probably quite a story there if I know the Irish), Sheila carer for others, then her mum, now us. And all the other host of wee angels whom just drop in to have a peep at the nightly madness, unheard, unseen.

This would make a great movie. Pity the title, "City of Angels" is already taken.
 
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Sheila

Registered User
Oct 23, 2003
2,259
0
West Sussex
Dear Magic, be thinking of you tomorrow, remember respite is just that, it doesn't have to be for ever. Just space them so you get the breaks when you know you will need them to let you carry on. Love She. XX
 

storm

Registered User
Aug 10, 2004
269
0
notts
Dear magic,I can really conect with you,ihad a visit from S/S today and we have been talking about respite for mum to coincide with when we have the shower fitted .It seemed like a good idea when i was talking to her and what she said made sense that we all need a break at some point so i agreed for her to set the ball rolling and look into things for me. All day i have been looking at mum and i really dont think i can let her go even for a week,i am so mad with myself ive done nothing but moan about needing a break and now i cant bring myself to do it.
tired and fed up now. You will be in my thoughts tomorrow. storm
 

Mjaqmac

Registered User
Mar 13, 2004
939
0
Storm, I feel the same. I really have to go and see this place as I have moaned so much about no help that I really have to been seen to be playing the game. To be honest, my mind's already made up, Magic Mama stays put.
I will find a way to make things come out the way we want, well, I'll have a bloody good try. These people from S/S seem to have been to the heart surgeon who does the sibling heart removals, they make the classic mistake of forgetting that you LOVE this person. Of course sometimes you want to kick them up the M1, we're human, I don't want to play the S/S game. How do they know there's no other way around problems if they are shoving the same old solutions at everyone? The only people whom are going to change things are us carers, and everyone is banking on us having our hands full and being too knackered to make a difference. And let's face it, they are probably right. I don't like the way I'm being treated and I'm sick of being asked what is it you need? What is it you want? You bloody tell me S/S you're the ones off on endless training courses and getting paid for it.

Imagine if the likes of all of us got together and opened a care home! People who have lived it, why can't they fund carers in areas to club together, give us premises and facilities and a bit of extra cash and we can put all our loved ones together and look after them between us with a few trained medics for the nursing cases. We would no longer be isolated, we would have a proper job that is a heart's cause, we'd have support and cameraderie. Is it really too ridiculous a suggestion?
 

Sheila

Registered User
Oct 23, 2003
2,259
0
West Sussex
Dear Storm, yes it's a hard one, but you must have a break before the caring gets too hard and the break is not enough to help ease the pressure. I used to cry every time and was always so very glad to have her home again, but it gave me strength, I know I couldn' t have done it without those weeks of rest and sleep. Please try not to be so hard on yourself. Love She. XX
 

Sheila

Registered User
Oct 23, 2003
2,259
0
West Sussex
Magic, that was always my dream when I was working, a home that was a HOME. There are good homes out there, we just have to find them or as you say, help ensure they make them that way. I found the only way to deal with the situation was to use what I wanted from what was offered, and to use my own instincts to sense what would be OK and what would not please Mum. Although it is hard, I know Mum understood how tired I got. Sometimes she tried in her way to look after me, even when she was really poorly at the end. I am sure all our loved ones are aware of how hard we try, like I said to Storm, please be kind to yourselves, just for a little while if you can, so you can have your Mums home again and care for them as you wish without being so tired. Love She. XX
 

Mjaqmac

Registered User
Mar 13, 2004
939
0
Sheila my mum is exactly the same. She keeps asking me if I'm ok and that I look very tired. God love her, she's a wee doat!
 

Mjaqmac

Registered User
Mar 13, 2004
939
0
What are you doing on here Midnight Minnie? It's too early for you! What have you done with the Royals?
 

Mjaqmac

Registered User
Mar 13, 2004
939
0
Ah now you're too kind yourself. You're a wee diamond too, taking the time to comfort us all in your own unique way. God bless ya!
Thanks for all the encouragement and help.
 

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