"No my mother is worse than your mother!"

totallyconfused

Registered User
Apr 18, 2016
435
0
A while back, a cousin of mine, Claire, basically said we were lying about our mother, her mother in law had severe alz and couldn't talk. There was no way my mother could have severe alz.

Tonight my uncle and wife visited. The wife, Joan, didn't believe she was severe as her mother has it and cant do anything. She was saying Claire told her that her mother was much better than her mother in law. Joan said it was because she was able to say hello back to her.

After tonight, it really felt like "No my mother is worse than your mother!" and I am going to try and remove myself from it and not care what they think anymore.
 

yak55

Registered User
Jun 15, 2015
616
0
A while back, a cousin of mine, Claire, basically said we were lying about our mother, her mother in law had severe alz and couldn't talk. There was no way my mother could have severe alz.

Tonight my uncle and wife visited. The wife, Joan, didn't believe she was severe as her mother has it and cant do anything. She was saying Claire told her that her mother was much better than her mother in law. Joan said it was because she was able to say hello back to her.

After tonight, it really felt like "No my mother is worse than your mother!" and I am going to try and remove myself from it and not care what they think anymore.
everyone is different, take no notice totallyconfused and sending hugs x
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
3,620
0
A while back, a cousin of mine, Claire, basically said we were lying about our mother, her mother in law had severe alz and couldn't talk. There was no way my mother could have severe alz.

Tonight my uncle and wife visited. The wife, Joan, didn't believe she was severe as her mother has it and cant do anything. She was saying Claire told her that her mother was much better than her mother in law. Joan said it was because she was able to say hello back to her.

After tonight, it really felt like "No my mother is worse than your mother!" and I am going to try and remove myself from it and not care what they think anymore.

You only realise how bad the person is when you are doing the caring. Onlookers don't get a clear view. Yes, ignore them.
 

Jezzer

Registered User
Jun 12, 2016
984
0
Lincoln, UK
A while back, a cousin of mine, Claire, basically said we were lying about our mother, her mother in law had severe alz and couldn't talk. There was no way my mother could have severe alz.

Tonight my uncle and wife visited. The wife, Joan, didn't believe she was severe as her mother has it and cant do anything. She was saying Claire told her that her mother was much better than her mother in law. Joan said it was because she was able to say hello back to her.

After tonight, it really felt like "No my mother is worse than your mother!" and I am going to try and remove myself from it and not care what they think anymore.
 

Jezzer

Registered User
Jun 12, 2016
984
0
Lincoln, UK
A while back, a cousin of mine, Claire, basically said we were lying about our mother, her mother in law had severe alz and couldn't talk. There was no way my mother could have severe alz.

Tonight my uncle and wife visited. The wife, Joan, didn't believe she was severe as her mother has it and cant do anything. She was saying Claire told her that her mother was much better than her mother in law. Joan said it was because she was able to say hello back to her.

After tonight, it really felt like "No my mother is worse than your mother!" and I am going to try and remove myself from it and not care what they think anymore.
Oh goodness. It's not a competition for heaven's sake. I can only agree with @yak and @Duggies-girl Just ignore them - you have enough on your plate caring for your own dear mum. Sending (((hugs))).
 

mumsgone

Registered User
Dec 23, 2015
924
0
A while back, a cousin of mine, Claire, basically said we were lying about our mother, her mother in law had severe alz and couldn't talk. There was no way my mother could have severe alz.

Tonight my uncle and wife visited. The wife, Joan, didn't believe she was severe as her mother has it and cant do anything. She was saying Claire told her that her mother was much better than her mother in law. Joan said it was because she was able to say hello back to her.

After tonight, it really felt like "No my mother is worse than your mother!" and I am going to try and remove myself from it and not care what they think anymore.
Wow ! they should all be supportive not competetive specially as essentially you are all in the same boat!!! Don't let them get to you. If all they want to do is score points they are not worth listening too. Best wishes and hugs xx
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,449
0
Scotland
Most people don't understand that there different types of dementia and they affect the brain and behaviour in a variety of ways. Within each type eg Alzheimers or vascular dementia the effects are different for each person even when they show common issues like wandering or wanting to go home.

I had one person who told me that her relative must be worse because she had Alzheimer's on both sides of her head! I didn't know what to make of that at all and certainly wouldn't want to win a race of who had the most dementia.

As if the whole caring issue wasnt difficult enough!
 

Jezzer

Registered User
Jun 12, 2016
984
0
Lincoln, UK
Most people don't understand that there different types of dementia and they affect the brain and behaviour in a variety of ways. Within each type eg Alzheimers or vascular dementia the effects are different for each person even when they show common issues like wandering or wanting to go home.

I had one person who told me that her relative must be worse because she had Alzheimer's on both sides of her head! I didn't know what to make of that at all and certainly wouldn't want to win a race of who had the most dementia.

As if the whole caring issue wasnt difficult enough!
Alzheimers on both sides of her head? Hmm that's a new one! I agree totally with your comment about a race. Things are already bad enough aren't they?
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,730
0
Ireland
Gosh, dementia one-upmanship! Isn't it crazy? You do get people like that though. No matter what illness you've got - they've had it, only much worse!
 

Jezzer

Registered User
Jun 12, 2016
984
0
Lincoln, UK
Gosh, dementia one-upmanship! Isn't it crazy? You do get people like that though. No matter what illness you've got - they've had it, only much worse!
How true. My view is each and every one of us affected by this awful disease is suffering, whether it's a new diagnosis or reaching the end. And each person's pain is unique to them. Funny old world eh?
 

love.dad.but..

Registered User
Jan 16, 2014
4,962
0
Kent
I think the often heard phrase of 'you have met one person with dementia so you've only met one person with dementia' ....pwd have similar and differing presentation even within the same type...it is an 'individual and unique to each person' illness...is applicable to people like that
 

northumbrian_k

Volunteer Host
Mar 2, 2017
4,415
0
Newcastle
I think the often heard phrase of 'you have met one person with dementia so you've only met one person with dementia' ....pwd have similar and differing presentation even within the same type...it is an 'individual and unique to each person' illness...is applicable to people like that

Yes, just as every person is different and unique, so are the ways they are affected by the disease.
 

Jale

Registered User
Jul 9, 2018
1,138
0
A while back, a cousin of mine, Claire, basically said we were lying about our mother, her mother in law had severe alz and couldn't talk. There was no way my mother could have severe alz.

Tonight my uncle and wife visited. The wife, Joan, didn't believe she was severe as her mother has it and cant do anything. She was saying Claire told her that her mother was much better than her mother in law. Joan said it was because she was able to say hello back to her.

After tonight, it really felt like "No my mother is worse than your mother!" and I am going to try and remove myself from it and not care what they think anymore.
Sometimes families really suck - try and ignore it