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No motivation


Registered User
Jan 24, 2015
Hi all. I've just joined TP - my lovely husband was recently diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia so I thought I would be a good idea to join a support group. He spent 3 months in hospital Sept - Nov last year and lost all his strength and molibity. Since then he has been home with support from carers 3 times a day. When he first came home he was reasonably happy to be hoisted out of bed into his chair, but now just wants to stay in bed all day. He won't do any of the exercises given to him by the physio, but seems quite happy doing nothing (occasionally watches TV) Any ideas on how I can motivate him to get a bit more mobile and able to do more for himself?


Registered User
Aug 3, 2010
South Ribble
Hi flowerlover.

So sorry you find yourself in this position having your husband newly diagnosed. I guess things might have been difficult for a while up to now. This place has been a lifeline to me and there is always someone here to listen and console.

I was wondering how old your husband is? I did find with my mum that she would prefer just to be left to sit all day. She was always happier in her chair than out of it. And to be honest she was happier in her bed than in her chair. We used to take her out in her wheel chair to try and get her interested in things. She would certainly not do exercises and would also lie quite adeptly to the carers about having washed and cleaned her teeth when she hadn't done anything of the sort! The carers would say, "Now, come on, Piedsmum, if you don't use it, you lose it," and sometimes she would just swear at them, and sometimes she would be humoured into doing things. Humour is a great tool if it can be used - sometimes it doesn't work. I think it's a case of trying a bit of cajoling and so on, and accepting some days will be better than others, and trying to cash in and make hay while the sun shines. I know - I've mixed my metaphors there!

All the very best and do keep in touch on here - there will be lots better advice than I have offered, I am sure! :)


Registered User
Jan 20, 2011
Hi flowerlover, welcome to TP. My mum has had dementia for over 7 years and is looked after in her own home by live-in carers. When she first came home from hospital in January 2008 her mobility was poor and she was underweight, so it took her a while to get her strength back. She thought she would be safest in her bed whereas actually she needed to mobilise much more. She was fearful of falling and was having to adjust to strangers living in her house. Naturally her bedroom was her sanctuary, as it still is.

Once she was no longer convalescent, she still used to pretend to be feeble in order to get out of doing what she needed to do to keep active. She was good at feigning illness in order to get her carers to bring her drinks and meals in bed. I eventually had to put a total ban on this. If she wanted a meal she had to get up. She could have water but not hot drinks because she had several incidents of spills and scalds. If she complained that she couldn't get up because she had a headache she got paracetemol and BIG glass of water.

The paracetemol and water would deal with the headache, real or imaginary. She would then need to go to the bathroom within half an hour because of the big glass of water. The carer would go into her bedroom when she heard the toilet flush in the en suite. Then the carer would block her path back to bed and say "Oh good, you're up now, let's get you dressed and then you can have your coffee in the lounge."

If my mum tried to dodge round to get to her bed the carer would whip the duvet off and fling the window open, say something like "let's get this stuffy room aired now you're up", or anything else to maintain the momentum and make the bed look less warm and cosy.

If my mum got cross and insisted on going to bed the carer would cajole her. She would say she was sorry she didn't feel well enough to get up when such a lovely lunch was being prepared. Lunch described. Bedroom door left open so she could smell the food.

My mum isn't mobile enough now to keep escaping back to bed when your back is turned, as she used to. She spends a lot of time in bed but needs to be kept mobile too. She gets up for breakfast, not yet dressed. She then goes back to bed and is got up, washed and dressed, around 11am. She returns to bed at 2pm. She is got up at 5pm and goes to bed for the night at 8pm. She is now 90 years old, BTW. She does need a lot of rest at her age and with chronic heart failure.
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