No more on Chick's thread, time to start my own

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Chuggalug, May 3, 2015.

  1. Rageddy Anne

    Rageddy Anne Registered User

    Feb 21, 2013
    5,990
    Cotswolds
    Been busy busy busy here and have only just caught up with what you've been coping with Chuggalug....you remind m of a champagne cork, bobbing to the surface in spite of everything. Glad you've had some Chug-time in the midst of it all. Your husband seems pretty buoyant too...thank heavens....and it seems that lovely doctor came along just when you most needed him.

    If there's even a whiff of a helping hand, do grab it... Sending a big big hug.
     
  2. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    11,265
    Female
    near Folkestone
    Good morning Chuggs, here's hoping you and OH are on the up and if you go for visit today, I am hoping the sun is out for you :) and the news will be good. Thinking of you xxx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  3. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,726
    North Somerset
    Hope all is well for you today, chuggs and your OH is improving. xxx
     
  4. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    Thank you all. Gotta read back in a bit. Just been to vote and made enquiries in case hubby could vote, too. But since it's a lot of faffing about to get it done, I wouldn't have the time to get the form in :(

    Beautiful day. Not visiting until tomorrow as he gets so agitated when I'm there. They've got enough on their hands without me making it worse. He's desperate to come home. The less stress I give him, the quicker he'll make it.

    Must have a coffee. Had an awesome sleep and have voted myself, it's so warm today. All in all, a well beginning :) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  5. Grey Lad

    Grey Lad Registered User

    Sep 12, 2014
    5,737
    North East Lincs
    Good woman coping so well with all that's going on. What tunes are you playing today? Just off to put on a bit of sound myself - think it will be Brother Bob. Must play a bit of that Redemption Song man.
     
  6. Cath59

    Cath59 Registered User

    Jan 23, 2015
    46
    Don't want to butt in, but if you aren't sure he can walk, and he's trying to get up DO NOT LET THEM SEND HIM HOME. Not unless you have a very good care package (not just you). My mum just had her hip done. It's not comparable as your husband is obviously made of much tougher stuff, but trying to get up with a hip that doesn't work properly will be the same. My mum was sent back suddenly to her care home, so they didn't have a hospital bed ready for her. She fell out of bed (that time no damage), but was sent back to hospital because of heart problems. There, in spite of good (though overstretched) nurses, a bed against the wall and rails up, she managed to get out, fell and dislocated the new hip. Another op with general anaesthetic yestertday. Not trying to scare you, but he's obviously doing so brilliantly that you really don't want to take any risks. A mended hip, with no idea that it's been done is a really bad combination. If they need the bed - that's their problem. You're only one person and there's only so much you can do to protect him.
     
  7. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    Cath, I know the risks, but he's been in a bad state for years, and all we ever got was abandoned. So I'm a bit wise already! It's hubby I'm worried about. Everyone caring for him have obviously done all they can do. I'm just waiting, now for them to get him mobile.

    Paul; haven't even started on the tunes yet! Mr. Marley is good for the head and heart!
     
  8. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,585
    West Midlands
    My thoughts

    1jays (no dementia) is on week 5 of hip replacement. it's fluffing hard work taking care of him because he wants to do so much before he is fully strong enough. So do think long and hard before having him home without any support of any kind..

    Just my thoughts...


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  9. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    I'm used to it, 2Jays. 6.5 years down the line with no support proves it. Thanks, love. Know you're talking sense :) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  10. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    Music Update!

    Marvin Gaye & Phil Collins on today's playlists :)
     
  11. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,585
    West Midlands
    I'm 38 years down the line looking after 1jay who has degenerative nurological condition so I'm used to it too... Or thought I was until the hip operation.... I'm also over protective of people on TP :) xx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  12. WIFE

    WIFE Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    857
    WEST SUSSEX
    Got to stick my oar in somewhere along the line. You sound really "on top" at the moment Chuggs - but would you feel so good if your hubby comes home too soon, falls and does the other hip in. I don't think so! Do try to be sensible - you've reached the age - and all this business about no help - make them give you some assistance now with him. A repaired fractured hip is no small thing and takes time so you must have some help with it all. Insist. Sincerely hope it all stays upbeat and news tomorrow when you visit is still good. Thinking of you Di
     
  13. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    I know you're all talking sense, but talking about getting help and actually getting some are two different thing! Try asking the people I asked and getting it all put down to domestic violence. That was a few years ago. Like I said, help comes after a crisis.

    I'll be mentioning that at the hospital at some point, which is why I've asked if they can record their own findings so that at least it's on his records. At least, then, I can't be called a liar.
     
  14. bemused1

    bemused1 Registered User

    Mar 4, 2012
    3,403
    #134 bemused1, May 7, 2015
    Last edited: May 7, 2015
    I think many of us will have been disbelieved, humiliated and belittled in the early stages of trying to get help. Marriage guidance counselling was suggested to me in the early stages. I'm afraid you just have to keep fighting, no one is going to help from the goodness of their heart. If you keep saying no you can manage then no one will care., but forget what happened in the past and fight again. Obviously if the hospital is aware of your husbands confusion you can use it to get something.
    Sorry to be blunt chuggs but you just have to keep on fighting.
    Hope visit goes well tomorrow
     
  15. Grey Lad

    Grey Lad Registered User

    Sep 12, 2014
    5,737
    North East Lincs
    I am with you all the way on your encouragement to keeping fighting. How strange marriage guidance counselling was suggested to me by a family member a couple of years ago. She has taken a rather different view since stroke and a professional diagnosis of vascular dementia. There are none so deaf as those that won't listen.
     
  16. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    I will not relate on an open forum who threatened me. Neither will I relate on here who called me a liar and all the rest of it. I've had no backup from anyone, even though this is now the third time hubby's been in hospital. The first thing all want to do is play down the seriousness of what is, as we all know, a brain disease. It sickens me that we are treated like this. I've had all the platitudes and empty promises that can be thrown at a soul. Scared, scarred and fed up with it all, we both just blend into the background as much as we can. Sometimes, that isn't possible. We can't avoid being a nuisance. I'll just keep on playing my own cards very close to my chest.

    Motto: expect everything and crawl away offended. Expect nothing, and there might be a shock!

    Meanwhile, no news I hope is good news. Onwards and upwards. I love you all for your encouragement, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  17. Rageddy Anne

    Rageddy Anne Registered User

    Feb 21, 2013
    5,990
    Cotswolds
    Oh Chuggs my dear. My most indomitable friend kept falling after being sent home too soon after a hip operation, and she wasn't confused. She had to go back and have her ops done again three times. There's only one of you, but the hospital has more people to be on alert night and day to get your husband back on his feet safely...he might not understand, but you will.

    What a difficult time for you, I'm so sorry. I'd suggest you build up your reserves a bit longer if you can. Hugs.....
     
  18. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    Strange how lonely it gets, ain't it! I am resting, but planning stuff all the time, too. I'll see how he is tomorrow. No calls from the hospital today, so taking that as a sign of good news. They know what they're doing. I'm thankful for that :)

    My Mum had both her hips done because of arthritis. She's fallen a few times since, but never damaged them again. Hubby's much weaker than Mum, but much lighter in weight. That might make a difference?
     
  19. Cath59

    Cath59 Registered User

    Jan 23, 2015
    46
    Raggedy Ann said what I was trying to so much better. I'm sitting with my mum now. So sleepy, but when awake so confused, after her second op yesterday. That fall happened in hospital and I'm not sure could have been prevented but she's frail these days- there's nothing of her so weight certainly wasn't a factor. Do what you can to make them look after him and send him home fit enough for you to protect him. Very best wishes.
     
  20. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    It's all I can do, Cath. So sorry for your Mum and you; having to watch the outcome, sigh...

    Good thing the sun came out for the last few hours. It's cheered everything up :)
     

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