no mans land!

[craigwhit88]

hey, been reading this forum for a few weeks and its brilliant how supportive people are. my grandad is in care with dementia but is fairly settled. i moved in with my gran whilst back from uni to help her a bit, as she wasn't coming to terms with his illness very well. 2 weeks later she is diagnosed herself and the acceleration has been rapid. on a Monday she was wanting to see my new website for my new business, on the Friday she phoned the police (although phoned 111 instead) saying i had punched her, grabbed her, thrown her in a chair, tossed her to the floor, poked her in the chest, i could go on. she has become very aggressive towards people, confused, angry, eccentric. She was taken into hospital for the night, examined and released on her own in a taxi at 1:30am. She's been put on anti-psychotics by her mental health doctor, which aren't doing any good, shes refusing to go see my grandad who is half a mile down the road because "the carers make up nasty stories about us". I've had specsavers phone me saying she isn't fit to be in their shop alone, a neighbour complain that she was out in the street waving a dish towel around, the bank have stopped letting her withdraw money because of her confusion, the girls at my grandads nursing home have even become annoyed with her behaviour, such as swearing at them for something simple like not putting a towel in my grandads room.
her mental health doctor as pleasant and knowledgeable as he is doesn't seem to be taking this seriously. this morning she threw a dish towel and plate at me because there was water round the sink from filling the kettle up. its highly frustrating that her behaviour warrants care, yet because she dresses herself, washes, cleans, cooks, tidies the house (50 times a day) shes classed as capable of looking after herself. we're stuck in that no mans land between her being ok to manage at home and not being advanced enough for someone to take it seriously enough. her doctor has said if i move out that something will be done because she can't cope on her own due to wandering around in the night, but if i leave i feel like i'm condemning her. any help appreciated!!

 

[Bod]

Get her checked for a water infection.
This can cause this change in personality.
Get a wee sample to the GP's, if she has a infection antibiotics usually work quite quickly.

Bod

 

[marionq]

Her doctor is probably right. If you back off there may well be police reports about her behaviour which would result in social services taking over. Sometimes we have to face some hard truths with this disease.

Good wishes.

 

[Sue J]

Get her checked for a water infection.
This can cause this change in personality.
Get a wee sample to the GP's, if she has a infection antibiotics usually work quite quickly.

Bod

I agree it sounds so sudden that it is likely an infection causing it. I would contact GP with the written info you have posted here as well.

Hope you manage to get some help very soon.
Best wishes
Sue

 

[canary]

You also have a right to your own safety. If its not an infection and the problems continue so that she becomes violent do not hesitate to call the police. They will send a report to SS and will flag up problems.

 

[Jesskle66]

My sympathies go to you. It was a very similar rapid deterioration with my mum and she experienced many, if not all, of the symptoms you mention. As others have said, your first port of call should be her GP to check for a UTI. If the sample is negative then you can contact your local older adult mental health team and ask for an assessment ASAP. The important thing to stress is that she is a vulnerable adult who is not only at risk of harm but is also at risk of harming others. My mum was sectioned on a second assessment, which was less than 48 hours after her first one. They felt that after the first assessment there was not enough evidence to section her, but in the intervening time she repeatedly called 999 to tell them I was trying to murder her, and this was enough for them to reassess quickly.
If nothing else it gets you 'in the system'. Please take care x

 

[Jesskle66]

Ps Needless to say, as canary does above, if she acts violently towards you call the police.

 

[craigwhit88]

Thanks for the advice everyone. One of the girls at my grandads nursing home asked her to do a urine sample a few days ago, which she did and then threw it down the toilet, i'll try the doctors. I've discovered this afternoon from the phone bill arriving that shes been ringing members of the family repeatedly to tell them everything i've apparently done to her, one of them she has phoned 6 times in one day, one of which was 1:22am, and the woman she phoned has dementia herself. One of those occasions she phoned saying i was trying to borrow money off her. When i returned today one of the neighbours caught me and said that for the first hour after i left she was staring out of the window, scowling at anyone who walked past and getting angry at birds that land in the garden, yet later on shes managed to walk down to my grandads nursing home and apart from some mild confusion and people having to repeat things to her shes behaved fine. Confusing doesn't cut it...

 

[dede5177]

ok this may help i hope so my mom also has dementia and i moved in with her 3 years a

hey, been reading this forum for a few weeks and its brilliant how supportive people are. my grandad is in care with dementia but is fairly settled. i moved in with my gran whilst back from uni to help her a bit, as she wasn't coming to terms with his illness very well. 2 weeks later she is diagnosed herself and the acceleration has been rapid. on a Monday she was wanting to see my new website for my new business, on the Friday she phoned the police (although phoned 111 instead) saying i had punched her, grabbed her, thrown her in a chair, tossed her to the floor, poked her in the chest, i could go on. she has become very aggressive towards people, confused, angry, eccentric. She was taken into hospital for the night, examined and released on her own in a taxi at 1:30am. She's been put on anti-psychotics by her mental health doctor, which aren't doing any good, shes refusing to go see my grandad who is half a mile down the road because "the carers make up nasty stories about us". I've had specsavers phone me saying she isn't fit to be in their shop alone, a neighbour complain that she was out in the street waving a dish towel around, the bank have stopped letting her withdraw money because of her confusion, the girls at my grandads nursing home have even become annoyed with her behaviour, such as swearing at them for something simple like not putting a towel in my grandads room.
her mental health doctor as pleasant and knowledgeable as he is doesn't seem to be taking this seriously. this morning she threw a dish towel and plate at me because there was water round the sink from filling the kettle up. its highly frustrating that her behaviour warrants care, yet because she dresses herself, washes, cleans, cooks, tidies the house (50 times a day) shes classed as capable of looking after herself. we're stuck in that no mans land between her being ok to manage at home and not being advanced enough for someone to take it seriously enough. her doctor has said if i move out that something will be done because she can't cope on her own due to wandering around in the night, but if i leave i feel like i'm condemning her. any help appreciated!!

Like you i moved in with my mum after she was diagnosed with dementia and only in the last 6 months have we used the full dementia services, your mom is clearing up 50 times a day thats agitation and needs a sedative in addition to the anti psychotic, and the bad temper may be due to depression does she cry also or show any other signs of depression i have to keep a devotional ie a record time we get up dresssed breakfast whats eaten everything for the psychiatric team we still go to the wire sometimes but it sounds like you need a wider variety of help than you are getting at the moment. my moms anti-psychotics only reduce halucinations the night time anti anxiety and especially treatment for depression have really improved life as well as sending her to a day centre one day a week and other activities she always refuses and then enjoys the clubs so perhaps she could go see her husband to complete an activity there rather than checking up on them. you really needs the help of the gp who in moms case prescribes the anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication as well as the mental health team who in my moms case prescribe the memmantine to reduce the effects of dementia and anti-psychotic. hope this helps.

 

[craigwhit88]

So since writing my original post there's been a massive shift in my grans behaviour...
we did all the urine tests and nothing came back so there doesn't seem to be an infection.
Last week she went for a hospital appointment about a cataract and she was accompanied by a carer that works at my grandads care home who we trust. When she returned from the hospital it was as if she had forgotten all about the accusations and she has become rather settled, easy to speak to, not on edge, but VERY confused and slow. I joked that maybe they'd done a lobotomy while she was there. She's had her prescription of Amisulpride doubled by her doctor and he did say she may be slightly drowsy at times, but has anyone else experienced this where someone becomes very placid, easy going, but also very confused and slow at the same time? I'd even go as far as saying her speech is a tad slurred at times. It's not good but i'm preferring it to the version of her that thought i'd beat her up!
Thanks again.

 

[Bod]

So since writing my original post there's been a massive shift in my grans behaviour...
we did all the urine tests and nothing came back so there doesn't seem to be an infection.
Last week she went for a hospital appointment about a cataract and she was accompanied by a carer that works at my grandads care home who we trust. When she returned from the hospital it was as if she had forgotten all about the accusations and she has become rather settled, easy to speak to, not on edge, but VERY confused and slow. I joked that maybe they'd done a lobotomy while she was there. She's had her prescription of Amisulpride doubled by her doctor and he did say she may be slightly drowsy at times, but has anyone else experienced this where someone becomes very placid, easy going, but also very confused and slow at the same time? I'd even go as far as saying her speech is a tad slurred at times. It's not good but i'm preferring it to the version of her that thought i'd beat her up!
Thanks again.

Didn't stop off at the pub on the way home by any chance?

Bod