Most days, things go fine with mum. She's unable to do much without assistance (washing, dressing, using anything in the kitchen, walking far) but when she comes down with a UTI, I am finding her behaviour harder and harder to manage. Through her life, until she got dementia, she'd always be the ringleader and the organiser. I wouldn't call her a domineering mother, but I can tell she finds the concept of her daughter calling the shots very hard to swallow! She's finally settled in her chair and is sleeping soundly, after tears and insults (from her to me!) over the sort of trivial things that on a 'good' day, wouldn't merit the batting of an eyelid. I've never seen her so hard-hit by a UTI and the doc has prescribed Macro-BID for 3 days until the urine sample analysis comes back from the lab on Monday. One minute she says she's resigned to the fact that soon she will needs residential care; the next, she's clear that she wants to stay in her own home. It's the uncertainty that's so hard to take! I feel trapped in a limbo. I'm giving up my career in 4 weeks' time to spend more time with her and keeping everything crossed I can get Carer's Allowance, to keep up my NI contributions but sometimes, I just wonder how long it will all last. I know it's good for her that she has someone who she can treat like this and who just keeps coming back for more. More importantly, I know when she behaves like this, she's not really my mum - it's the UTI and dementia talking! The problem is, it really is affecting my health now and some days I am so terrified I'm going to snap and say something nasty back to her. It's all so avoidable (in theory) If she drank enough and if the carers made sure she was clean after going to the loo, maybe she wouldn't get so many infections. The reality is that she can't accept she needs help with wiping herself and insists on going to the loo herself - which I suppose gives her some independence. What do you do on days like this, when you are at the end of your tether?