No Going Back. . .

[Sarasa]

@DeBlonde, I realised my mother didn't have a DNR notice when I had a meeting with the care home manager last year to talk through her care plan I guess that may have been because mum had some capacity when she went into the care home and I know if asked she would expect every effort to be made to keep her alive, as she wouldn't have been been able to understand that the outcome might be very poor. We agreed a DNR should be in place and the home arranged it with the GP.
The GP phoned me up and was lovely. We agreed it wouldn't be in mum's best interests to try and revive her, but that infections would be treated. We also agreed that she should only go to hospital if it was absolutely necessary. I found the whole process to not be stressful. Mainly because my mother was at the time, and still is, physically very fit and not in imminent danger of passing away. It's good to get these things sorted when their isn't a crisis.
Have you had any news as to how your mum has settled? Mine took a while to get used to it, but seems pretty OK in her care home now. The whole process is very strange, and I found took a lot of getting used to. It's all made so difficult because you can't really get to know the staff and other residents at the moment. Hopefully all that will change over the next few months. Certainly I felt that the care home was like another family, and I miss seeing them all, not just my mother.

 

[DeBlonde]

@Sarasa Thank you for your post. I think it will take a good while for Mum to settle to be honest. The home she is in is the only one in the area that doesn't have Covid cases, so they went into lockdown yesterday, so no visits which will help Mum to settle. We can phone etc so that's good. I dont think Mum will have the capacity to understand the implications of being resuscitated. I'm hoping that we will have a good relationship with the staff, they certainly seem lovely. I'll contact the GP today

 

[DeBlonde]

So, here we are again. . . Mum had settled into her care home until two weeks ago she fell in the conservatory
and broke her hip. Five minutes before I was due to visit. She had surgery the following day and was returned to the care home eight days later. Since that time she has deteriorated massively - little speech, no eye contact, head hung almost to her chest, has to be helped to eat and drink/use the bathroom, low blood pressure. Not surprisingly she has lost the will to carry on! She is in a profile bed at night, and the staff use a huge wheeled chair to move her around. and a hoist in the bathroom. No sign of any physio yet, but maybe it's too soon to start that yet.

Such a worry!

 

[canary]

Im so sorry @DeBlonde
When mum fell and broke her hip it was repaired, but it massively progressed her dementia.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

My mum was pushed over by another resident in her care home. Two staff were just feet away but couldn't stop it happening. Mum went down on her bottom and...crack! Re. physio: I'd suggest you chase it up. The hospital are supposed to arrange it for when they are discharged back to the care home but it didn't happen in mum's case. I got the manager to sort it out but mum was reluctant to do the exercises/non-compliant. In the end I got the staff to walk her up and down the corridors each day with her zimmer frame and she regained mobility (by herself with the frame) in just a few weeks - remarkable really. But if I hadn't pushed I think she would have lost it. I also had to get pretty mean with her to get her to do it. When she refused I'd say, 'Well that's fine if you want to be in a wheelchair and stuck in bed for the rest of your life...' As mum believed she went shopping and on trips out most days (she didn't!) that gave her the incentive to get moving again.

But it's important to get up and walking again as soon as possible or the skill will be lost forever. Good luck!

Oh - just to add, although mum was completely loopy in hospital, she was OK once back at the CH. Maybe her dementia progressed a bit but not much.

 

[DeBlonde]

Hello lovely people,
And now we find ourselves at End of life care. . . I don't think Mum has much longer left. The care home staff are being amazing, sitting with Mum in the small hours reading poetry, which she loves. She has a pain patch, so that's one less thing to worry about. My sister is on her way home from Portugal, just hope she gets here in time. . .

 

[Shedrech]

that's sad news @DeBlonde
it's a comfort to know the staff are being so kind and attentive
sending warm wishes to all of you

 

[DeBlonde]

Sadly Mum passed away in the small hours of Friday/Saturday morning. To be honest it's a relief, I'm glad she's not in pain from her hip replacement or anxious, confused anymore. Now in the process of registering her death and then organising her funeral. My sister has just arrived from Portugal, so that's helpful once she finished ten days of quarantine.

No doubt I'll be back here for advice in the coming weeks/months

 

[Izzy]

I’m so sorry for you loss @DeBlonde. Sending my condolences and wishing you strength.

 

[Shedrech]

My condolences to you and your sister @DeBlonde
I understand what you mean about 'a relief'... your mum is at peace now
take some time for yourself
And post whenever you wish, we'll be here

 

[Duggies-girl]

The relief is normal @DeBlonde she is at peace now so don't be too hard on yourself.

 

[Suze99]

So sorry for your loss. Your mum is now at peace. Take care

 

[Cat27]

I’m so sorry @DeBlonde. my thoughts are with you.