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No connection now


Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
South coast
Yes @Pipeth , OH cant cope with lots of chatting either and cant go far even in a car, or it takes him days to get over it. There is a lot of silence in my house:rolleyes:

Thank you for the hugs @DesperateofDevon . OH has decided to go to bed and I think I might have an early night too.

Splashing About

Registered User
Oct 20, 2019
Really felt for my dad with the whole isolation and loneliness aspect. Mum couldnt tolerate the television, guests, visitors, anyone else... she was also unpleasant and combative. It was like domestic abuse but through ill health. Really hard to endure. Hugs to you @canary

We were told about befrienders who will talk to you at night when isolated. Never followed it up but might be worth considering

Splashing About

Registered User
Oct 20, 2019
Sorry for late response. I think ours was just a local scheme but there are probably lots out there as this aspect of “life with” is so common


Registered User
Apr 6, 2015
Hazara8 Quote:And when you take hold of a hand, even without a word being spoken, that connection is a mutual confirmation of just what we are in essence. Hold onto that and something happens which goes beyond dementia with all of its destructive arsenal.

Hazara8 Your posts are so helpful, I have been adjusting to ‘new norms’ at quite a pace. My husband responds well to me now reaching for his hand And making eye contact when he is consumed with anxiety, confusion or fear.A while ago he would pull away with anger, because to him I caused his ‘problem’, (we always held hands when out and about or sitting at home.) he was at times very difficult, this phase has passed, hopefully not to return.His language is disappearing rapidly and He cannot follow TV. Like Canary is facing, loneliness was setting in for me to, as far as conversation and sharing interest. So I took someone’s advice to revive interest from his (and mine) teenage years. Hence, bought husband a portable record player and vinyls, installed a tropical fish tank and started going on short day coach trips (sitting him in front so he could watch the road). Now this sounds all very easy, but of course it wasn’t, I dragged him around buying records, Buying fish and coaxed him to get up for trips, listened to all the grumbled about other people etc.....His temperament gradually changed, music helped a lot. Except he is now months later struggling to use the record player and he is getting tired on the trips. So probably heading for another ‘new norm’, but we have made some pleasant memories after some not so good ones occurring and the essence of us exist again when I hold his hand, hopefully to last a while.
I think that "comfort" must be the watchword. There are as many anomalies in all these personal accounts as there are differences - all are actual and belong to the individual concerned. My late mother moved through 'talking books' and
knitting...both of which gradually became redundant. Then television. Until that too became a threat. So we strive to adapt to these changes in order to placate or at least alleviate the symptoms. It is a constant challenge for the carer. The one living with dementia lives the challenge by default. I always reflect on how much "communication " I felt with my late mother at the very end of her life, even when not a word was spoken, as l held her hand. An almost primeval connection and a real one . In that act alone the dementia infiltrator cannot dictate.

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