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No connection now

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,216
South coast
OH is losing all his skills and most of the things we used to do have gone out of the window because he is no longer able to do them. He is at the stage where he just wants to sit on the sofa all the time with his android tablet. He doesnt want to go out, he doesnt want to do anything and all empathy is gone. In the evenings we used to watch TV together and even though most of the stuff was a repeat, we could still watch it together. Just recently he has stopped watching TV. If I turn it on he doesnt watch it, even if it is something he would have once wanted to watch - he just carries on scrolling through his tablet.

It seems that with that gone there is now no longer any connection between us at all - that was the last surviving thing. Today he has only said two things to me. One was to ask what time he should have his eye drops (I put them in for him) and the other was to ask what time dinner would be..I am so lonely here. Today I have only spoken to answer him as he cant process conversation and I havent even seen anyone else.
 

Quizbunny

Registered User
Nov 20, 2011
109
bless you @canary. I can’t offer any words of help I’m afraid, but I couldn’t read and move on without expressing my sympathy, as useless as that is.
 

Delphie

Registered User
Dec 14, 2011
1,269
Dear canary, you're so generous with your time and wisdom on this forum. I wish I could send you a proper hug but I can't, so here's a virtual one (((canary))).
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,235
So sorry to hear that @canary. I hope you can find a way to get out and enjoy doing the things you want to do.
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,073
Scotland
You feel lonely in your own home yet you are here for others onTP in their moment of need. It doesn’t seem fair but there isn’t much about dementia that is fair.

Hang on in there. Radio 4 and Sounds are the background noise in my house which mop up any loneliness. I know how you feel though.
 

White Rose

Registered User
Nov 4, 2018
543
OH is losing all his skills and most of the things we used to do have gone out of the window because he is no longer able to do them. He is at the stage where he just wants to sit on the sofa all the time with his android tablet. He doesnt want to go out, he doesnt want to do anything and all empathy is gone. In the evenings we used to watch TV together and even though most of the stuff was a repeat, we could still watch it together. Just recently he has stopped watching TV. If I turn it on he doesnt watch it, even if it is something he would have once wanted to watch - he just carries on scrolling through his tablet.

It seems that with that gone there is now no longer any connection between us at all - that was the last surviving thing. Today he has only said two things to me. One was to ask what time he should have his eye drops (I put them in for him) and the other was to ask what time dinner would be..I am so lonely here. Today I have only spoken to answer him as he cant process conversation and I havent even seen anyone else.
You give so much time to others on the forum @canary, sorry you are having a miserable day. Weekends seem to be the worst, particularly a rainy winter's day. Don't know if you enjoy music but I've found putting a favourite CD on nice and loud can cheer me up.
Currently we are watching the My Family and the Galapagos, well he is talking nonsense through it and I'm typing at the same time - he's insistent he's been there before (he hasn't), drives me mad but no point in contradicting him because he'll just get angry and even more insistent.
Hope you have a better day tomorrow x
 

Dimpsy

Registered User
Sep 2, 2019
1,375
I don't know how to send a virtual hug, but I am tall with very very very long arms that can stretch from my south coast to your south coast to give you a great big cuddle.

Tomorrow, please go and buy a treat for you to look forward to, just for you, don't share!
My treat to myself is strawberries, I love love love them and my new years resolution is to eat at least one strawberry every day in 2020.
Last week was so worrying, with one thing and another and I felt adrift, but eating a strawberry and concentrating on it's deliciousness restored my coping mechanism. I can't explain it.

(I really like your picture of the canary; mine, in another place is a strawberry, which I think is time to add here. There have been reason's why I haven't up till now, but from tomorrow I'll be a strawberry!)
 

pevensey

Registered User
Feb 14, 2012
242
South East Coast.
OH is losing all his skills and most of the things we used to do have gone out of the window because he is no longer able to do them. He is at the stage where he just wants to sit on the sofa all the time with his android tablet. He doesnt want to go out, he doesnt want to do anything and all empathy is gone. In the evenings we used to watch TV together and even though most of the stuff was a repeat, we could still watch it together. Just recently he has stopped watching TV. If I turn it on he doesnt watch it, even if it is something he would have once wanted to watch - he just carries on scrolling through his tablet.

It seems that with that gone there is now no longer any connection between us at all - that was the last surviving thing. Today he has only said two things to me. One was to ask what time he should have his eye drops (I put them in for him) and the other was to ask what time dinner would be..I am so lonely here. Today I have only spoken to answer him as he cant process conversation and I havent even seen anyone else.
Oh canary, it's so heartbreaking when this stage appears and it seems to happen all of a sudden. It's like living the single life but you still have all the stress and hard work and ghastly stuff that this dementia thing throws at you. I can also go all day without conversation and like you I've stopped trying to make conversation as he just stare at me like he cant process what I'm saying. Nor can he follow tv anymore like you say. I really feel for you canary, and yes you feel like your completely alone. Take care and be good to yourself. Sending you big hug.
 

pevensey

Registered User
Feb 14, 2012
242
South East Coast.
I don't know how to send a virtual hug, but I am tall with very very very long arms that can stretch from my south coast to your south coast to give you a great big cuddle.

Tomorrow, please go and buy a treat for you to look forward to, just for you, don't share!
My treat to myself is strawberries, I love love love them and my new years resolution is to eat at least one strawberry every day in 2020.
Last week was so worrying, with one thing and another and I felt adrift, but eating a strawberry and concentrating on it's deliciousness restored my coping mechanism. I can't explain it.

(I really like your picture of the canary; mine, in another place is a strawberry, which I think is time to add here. There have been reason's why I haven't up till now, but from tomorrow I'll be a strawberry!)
Ahhhh, strawberries always remind me of summer and happy times, so quite see why you love them and make you smile.ENJOY Dimpsy.
 

pevensey

Registered User
Feb 14, 2012
242
South East Coast.
You give so much time to others on the forum @canary, sorry you are having a miserable day. Weekends seem to be the worst, particularly a rainy winter's day. Don't know if you enjoy music but I've found putting a favourite CD on nice and loud can cheer me up.
Currently we are watching the My Family and the Galapagos, well he is talking nonsense through it and I'm typing at the same time - he's insistent he's been there before (he hasn't), drives me mad but no point in contradicting him because he'll just get angry and even more insistent.
Hope you have a better day tomorrow x
Music is my cure for most things but like you say white rose, is MUST be very loud, every time oh goes to his day centre it's the first thing I do, I've warned my neighbours when its loud music day, it's amazing therapy. If I have music on when oh is there he always switches off.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,129
Kent
I hope you take comfort @canary in how many of us identify with you. Being a carer to someone who loses all manner of communication can be the loneliest and most isolating place in the world.

It when why I spent most of my life on TP.

I`m so sorry it`s your turn now.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,660
OH is losing all his skills and most of the things we used to do have gone out of the window because he is no longer able to do them. He is at the stage where he just wants to sit on the sofa all the time with his android tablet. He doesnt want to go out, he doesnt want to do anything and all empathy is gone. In the evenings we used to watch TV together and even though most of the stuff was a repeat, we could still watch it together. Just recently he has stopped watching TV. If I turn it on he doesnt watch it, even if it is something he would have once wanted to watch - he just carries on scrolling through his tablet.

It seems that with that gone there is now no longer any connection between us at all - that was the last surviving thing. Today he has only said two things to me. One was to ask what time he should have his eye drops (I put them in for him) and the other was to ask what time dinner would be..I am so lonely here. Today I have only spoken to answer him as he cant process conversation and I havent even seen anyone else.
Oh lovely , (((((((((((((bighugs))))))))))))))
I’m so sorry, difficult times
But you are never alone on TP
Xxx