No advisers and don't know what to do

[SUZIE1963]

Hello, My mum has AD/VD and lives on her own. She has a daily visitor(myself my sister or my aunt) to check she has taken her tablets, help clean the house. Do her shopping and generally check on her. Or take her out. She has managed cooking microwave meals ok and seems to be managing living at home all ok. We have been very lucky as she has been scared of going out on her own and has not done so without one of us. However yesterday a neighbor told us she had wandered over to our old house , apparently looking for her dog (deceased). Our old house is in the same village.
Mum seems ok except for the obvious memory problems and has what we think has been a slow decline over the last 4 years. We know she would hate to go into a home and we up until the latest incident have felt it is too soon to put her in one. We have no health worker assigned to us and have just been left to get on with it. What do we do now? Who should we contact or it is ok for her to continue living at home still? Please advice badly needed.

 

[Beate]

I think you ought to contact adult social services and ask for an updated needs assessment for her and a carers assessment for you. It's difficult to care for someone from a distance but SS have a duty of care for vulnerable adults at risk. Wandering puts her at risk, as does living alone, whether it's from kitchen appliances or fraudsters knocking at the door or phoning her up. To minimise the risk, a place at a day care centre could be organised, as could sitters or daily carers helping her with medication, food and personal hygiene. You could also get trackers or door/fall alarms organised via telecare and grab rails, shower boards etc via an OT. Referrals are usually done via SS. You could also look into sheltered or extra sheltered accommodation if you feel this is an option, but so far I don't see your Mum as a care home candidate yet if you can put other measures into place first.

 

[Spiro]

My mum has AD/VD and lives on her own

Who diagnosed your Mum and did the initial referral come from your GP? Your GP should be aware of her diagnosis.

Contact your local carers association and see if they can offer you support. Your GP needs to be aware that you and your sister are carers.

If you have not done so already, you need to set up a lasting power of attorney for your mum - definitely for property and finance and I strongly suggest health and welfare as well.

You can do this online. Your Mum needs to have capacity to set these documents up.

Ideally, these documents should be created and registered with the Office of the Public Guardian before you contact social services.

I would suggest contacting your local Alzheimer's Society to see if they run any support groups or day centres.


https://www.gov.uk/government/organisations/office-of-the-public-guardian

 

[SUZIE1963]

Thank you for your replies. Mum was diagnosed 4 years ago by a mental health Dr after a referral from her GP. For about 6 months she was under the care of them whilst she was trying Aricept. Unfortunately the tablets made her worse. So after trying two different types we asked to stop the tablets. That's when the support stopped. We have been told she is on the border of two counties and there seems to be a problem with her she falls under. However I plan to phone up Age concern tomorrow and if advised her Dr too. We do have power of attorney and we are down as her carers with her Dr. She seems to have slipped a net after her tablets stopped.

 

[Bessieb]

I would contact her GP and tell her exactly what the situation is now and why you are concerned. If necessary request a home visit so they can see for themselves and speak to your Mum and you. The GP should contact Social Services and push for a new assessment...but if I were you I would do this too by contacting Adult Social Care. I found that it sped the process up with me and the GP requesting an urgent assessment. Sadly it can be a little bit of 'who shouts loudest' and two voices are often more effective than one.

I hope you get some support soon, I know it can feel very lonely until you feel you are on the radar of the support services.

 

[Chemmy]

Perhaps it might be helpful to do the equivalent of a risk assessment?

Was she in any actual danger when she went out? Could she have found her own way back home? How big is the village, ie will any of her neighbours look out for her and help her home if she gets lost?

It's easy to panic in such situations but many people with dementia are 'wanderers'. My mum used to get the bus and be out and about, goodness knows where, most days, but other than a couple of falls - and subsequent rescues by good Samaritans - she never came to any harm.

Life isn't without risk and for me, it was trying to find a balance between allowing Mum her last taste of freedom...because, nice as the care home was, she never had that independence to go out and about on her own again.

But only you can weigh up the risks you - and your mum- would find acceptable.

 

[SUZIE1963]

Again Thank you everyone. Chemmy, you have made me feel much better and not so panicky. I really think she is still capable of living at home for a while longer. Although I am realistic about the future. I am worried, a knee jerk reaction , in panic will result in us making the wrong decision. I will seek professional help also, I feel it is getting too stressful to carry on going alone.

 

[Chemmy]

Again Thank you everyone. Chemmy, you have made me feel much better and not so panicky. I really think she is still capable of living at home for a while longer. Although I am realistic about the future. I am worried, a knee jerk reaction , in panic will result in us making the wrong decision. I will seek professional help also, I feel it is getting too stressful to carry on going alone.

I'd be inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt for the time being. The evenings are getting lighter and the days are getting warmer so there's less to worry about over the next few months. Once autumn sets in, maybe re-evaluate the situation; it was reports on Mum wandering round the town centre in the dark after the shops had shut in December that finally made me call time on her 'independence'. Go with your gut instinct on this - if you feel she's still capable of living at home, she probably is.

But maybe this is the time to start looking around at future care options? I spent that last summer sizing up the local care homes so that when I decided she really needed supervision 24/7, I just had to make a call. I'm a great believer in a plan B

Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[SUZIE1963]

Thank you and I will.