1. Dawnee1418

    Dawnee1418 Registered User

    Feb 22, 2015
    31
    y father was diagnosed as having Vascular dementia & Alzheimers in January finally after 8 months of my asking for an assessment & we are finding it more & more difficult to cope on a night. We have to laugh at some of the things he says. During the day when he says he wants to go home we can cope Otherwise we would end up crying, I feel bad for doing that as he just looks at us & wonders what's going on, but come nighttime when he's getting up 3 & 4 times getting washed & shaved putting all the lights on going downstairs & shouting at us telling us it's time to get up, but to cope through the day we need some sleep. Mums started snapping & crying if she has to deal with him on a night so I've told her I'll get up during the night with him. I understand that he can't help it from when I was nursing.
    He goes for a couple of weeks wears himself out then sleeps all night for one night then the cycle starts again up every night until he's exhausted. Even a sleeping tablet doesn't help the most sleep he gets is 2 hours at a time then up for a couple of hours back to bed up again.
    I don't know how much more we can cope without sleep ourselves even on the night he sleeps its like having a baby we are waiting for him to get up. Not being well myself I have epilepsy that isn't controlled & stress doesn't help, open wound from 2013 & pain from multiple blood clots in both lungs & my mother is 80 now she always looked so young but looks really frail & old.
    We have a man come one morning a week to sit with my father for 11/2 hours & we can increase that to 3 hours eventually but it's the night that's worse. I've just coaxed him back into bed now. Anyone have any ideas to get him to sleep we even tried the sleep tea. Getting desperate. Some family members think there's nothing wrong as they don't see him when he's not compus metus
     
  2. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,579
    Female
    Dundee
    Good morning dawnee

    I'm sorry things are so hard for you. Sleep deprivation is so difficult and it is so stressful trying to deal with things like this in the middle of the night. My mum was a bit like that and the GP gave her a low dose of something to try to calm her down, it wasn't a sleeping tablet. It wasn't 100% successful but it took the edge off a bit.

    Would it be worth talking to your mum's GP to see if he/she can help as you and your mum will wear yourselves into the ground if this continues.

    Take care.
     
  3. Dawnee1418

    Dawnee1418 Registered User

    Feb 22, 2015
    31
    #3 Dawnee1418, Feb 24, 2015
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2015
    Morning Izzy my parents have the same GP I just feel that they don't really care, it took me months to get a diagnosis, I kept asking as I knew something wasn't right when he kept repeatedly getting up & shaving in the middle of the night saying he was getting ready for work but was just told keep an eye on him because he appeared normal when the GP saw him. All she said on the phone is he will eventually have to go in a home. if they actually supported us we might be able to cope. Since getting a diagnosis she hasn't been out to see my father or contacted my mother to ask how she is coping. I go to a different medical practise altogether but my GP is far more understanding. Instead of treating dad for another medical problem a couple of years ago they put mum on anti depressants so she wasnt stressed. That didn't solve dads problem
     
  4. katie1

    katie1 Registered User

    Aug 5, 2014
    122
    Kendal Cumbria
    OH this all sounds so familiar! Just like my Dad and my poor Mum trying to cope with it. He went to bed tonight around 8.30 almost in tears because he was so tired then Mum was just having a warm drink to help her go off to sleep, downstairs and lo an behold, Dad came downstairs fully dressed about 45 minutes later! Mum managed to persuade him to go back up to bed again, then she went and got her night clothes on only to hear him in the shower. He then got dressed again and is now having his breakfast. Its now about 10 past 10 and Mum is at her wits end deprived of sleep......she has just text me to ask me to go round because he is becoming angry and confrontational and she is scared......must go!
     
  5. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,826
    UK
    Its an ongoing problem in my house too. My mum is up and down all night sometimes. Lorazapam has helped a little, but she can't take this every night. Shes opening/closing curtains, lights go on and off, she tries to get out of the front door, she wants to eat drink or feed her dog. If I try to get her back to bed she gets very angry. She is always tired and wanting to go to bed around 8pm and I do try to delay this, because I know that after an hour or two she will be up. And as if all this wasn't enough, shes talking in her sleep - loud!!
     
  6. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,848
    Female
    Scotland
    We had exactly the same problem. The memory clinic put him on Zopiclone sleeping tablet and then added Trazadone to reduce anxiety. This was upped to twice a day ie afternoon and last thing at night. This combination works very well but took a couple of weeks to get established. Do you have a CPN? If not get an appointment with your doctor and face to face explain that more is needed or you will all be ill.
     
  7. katie1

    katie1 Registered User

    Aug 5, 2014
    122
    Kendal Cumbria
    What a night! I was at my parents house until 1 a.m. Mum was sitting in her PJ's almost asleep in the arm chair whilst Dad chattered on about ....well, I really don't know. But he was talking to me plus all the various other people he could see and waving to some of them out through the window. He did talk briefly about an Aunt from his childhood, but most of what he said was incoherent. There were some identifiable words and some word like sounds. He could see devils coming out of the sofa and things that looked like hands reaching out of the arm chair! He did tell me I was a good girl. He had been upstairs and put his clothes on over his pyjamas, had his breakfast and put the TV on to watch. He was repeatedly looking at the same page in the radio times then putting it down then picking it up again and studying the page and putting it down again, the talking to "the people" and waving to them.
    Suddenly at about 12.15 a.m. he said" look its as dark as night time" so I gently suggested that it must be bed time, then said nothing. We remained silent for a while then I repeated it and we went silent again, just listening to him. Not ignoring him but listening, nodding or smiling, just sharing the moment sharing the night with him. Finally as if he had somehow worked through whatever it was he got up and needed help to find the door (s) but did eventually go up to bed. He got into bed fully clothed. I told Mum not to disturb him, if he was hot he would wake and kick the covers off or take clothes off which he did later on. Mum eventually got some sleep.
    They tried Dad on zopiclone and various other things, mostly had no effect and one (I can't remember its name made him wet the bed and become even more hyperactive than before!)
    Mum is worn out she cannot help, it is not safe for either of them in the house.
    Dad can become aggressive and has pushed her on previous occasions, she feels tired emotional and guilty but she has made the decision that he will go to live in this new relatively small and beautifully homely care home nearby quite soon. At least they should both be safe and Dad will get good quality care and Mum will get some sleep.
    We are going to the adult mental health service team meeting tomorrow for the CHC checklist to be completed ----I wonder how that will pan out!
     
  8. only daughter

    only daughter Registered User

    Jun 16, 2014
    30
    Surrey
    Sounds very much like my Mum and Dad's situation. Has your Dad got mental capacity because if he has if he refuses to go into a CH he can't be made to,both my parents are in hospital at the moment but my mum is petrified that Dad will go home and she can't cope with him even with carers 4 times a day.
    My Dad has passed the MC test today so the fight for Mum is starting again.
     

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