1. wedge

    wedge Registered User

    Jan 14, 2008
    egham surrey
    #1 wedge, Jun 11, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 11, 2008
    Monday started out with Bobs depression being so bad, he said it was the end for him,he was finished and wanted to die. I managed to get him out in the afternoon to do some shopping and he seemed to perk up slightly. Then arround 7pm his mood seemed to change, some friends came over for an hour and although he was ver quiete he was ok. As soon as they had gone the nightmare began. He suddenly did not know who I was, got extremely agitated said he wanted to go home, where was his wife. I called my daughter she came round, he seemed to know her on and off, but when she told him who I was he just laughed and told me to get out. He became more and more upset wanting to go home and trying to get out of the house, by this time it was 1 in the morning.We locked all the doors and he threatened to kick them down, he got aknife and tried to get the locks off. A good friend rushed round and he knew her so she talked to him most of the night, he would not go to bed, the doctor on the phone said give him more diazipan, we did he just got worse. The scariest night of my life. As soon as I could I got hold of his CPN who came straight round at 9am, we have got him into the dementia unit name of hospital deleted by moderator, he was calm by then and knew me again, I just had to walk away telling him I would be back when he had seen the doctor,knowing that I was abandoning him was so awful, he must be so afraid. The CPN pesuaded the doctor to section him for 72 hours, as at that time he seemed quite rational, except for saying he wasn't staying at thehospital. When I rang last evening, he was again out of control, had tried to climb over a gate and was threating to smash the doors and windows if they wont let him out. At least they have now seenwhat he was like the night before. I feel so desperate, I have left him alone at the hospital, they have said I should stay away until the doctor has seen him today and then they will reavaluate. It it such mixed feelings, I am frightened of this person I dont know, but breaking my heart for how afraid he must be. What can I do? please help me

  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Oh Wendy, my heart goes out to you for I have just been through the same.

    My husband has just come home after 19 days on an assessment ward.

    I hope the doctors will find a suitable form of medication to calm your husband and enable him to keep calm.

    As for you. I`m afraid you are in for a very rough ride. It is soul destroying having to leave someone you love feeling they have been abandoned. That`s just what my husband said to me. I have abandoned him and left him there to rot.

    Even now he is home, I am still choked about the whole experience, but I just hope your hospital is as good as ours was.

    My fingers are crossed for you.

    Love xx
    I am removing the name of the hospital as it is better not to name them.
  3. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Dear Wendy

    That must all have been so distressing for you, and you must be so upset to have left your husband like that.

    But you had no alternative. He can't help himself, the only way to control his aggression is by medication. And the best way to get the medication right is in hospital.

    Several of our members have been through similar experiences, and usually the outcome is good. Try to keep that in mind.

    It's going to be hard for you for a while, but it sounds as if you have supportive family and friends. And Tp is always here for you.

  4. wedge

    wedge Registered User

    Jan 14, 2008
    egham surrey
    Thank you for your replies. I have spoken to the hospital this morning, he is calmer and has eaten something so I feel a little better. I still feel sick at the thought that he must think we have just left him. I have to wait for the doctor to ring me today and then if I should visit today or not. We will be invited to a case meeting apparently with the doctors and staff tomorrow,and if he is well enough Bob will be there too. I suppose if after 72 hours he still refuses to stay there is not much the doctors can do. I am hoping he will be rational enough to talk to and persuade, I know hiim and in his normal frame of mind he would be only to happy to stay and let the doctors help.

    Will the sedation he has to be on in the future, turn him into a zombie? will he still be able to enjoy his little grandaughter or will he be to drugged to know anything? I have so many questions. Will he ever trust me again after putting him in hospital against his will?

    Its good to know you are all out there and understand.

  5. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Dear Wendy.
    I can only relate my own experience and perhaps it will give you some hope.
    The drugs my husband was put on were far too strong for him, showing he is not yet ready for them. So he has been taken off them.
    He has forgiven me, because he has forgotten there is anything to forgive.
    Just try to be strong. I know no two dementia patients are the same but don`t give up hope.

    Love xx
  6. Jane.B

    Jane.B Registered User

    Dec 7, 2007
    I feel for you Wendy, because my husband Rupert who now has alzheimers, also has schizophrenia, and before he was persuaded to have a monthly injection he had to be sectioned many times, and I always felt I was abandoning him, though I knew it was the right thing to do.
    I do so hope that his medication can be sorted so that he will be able to come home very soon.
  7. jc141265

    jc141265 Registered User

    Sep 16, 2005
    Hi Wendy,

    Pretty much the same thing happened with my Dad, he went nuts and Mum had to lock herself in the bedroom all night, while he crashed and banged trying to get to her.
    Similarly he was admitted into hospital as a result and kept in a locked area all by himself for about two weeks and in order for the doctor to be able to prescribe him the drug that he believed Dad required he had to ask my mum's permission to diagnose Dad as schizophrenic...even tho they didn't believe he was...and possibly thats not completely above board...however apparently at the time there was no better alternative (the drug he was prescribed is not supposed to be given to dementia patients and without the diagnosis of schizophrenia apparently the doctor was not allowed to prescribe it). It did work though and Dad has been on the drug for the past 4 or 5yrs and only just recently Mum is testing whether she can slowly take him off it. One of the reasons the doctors say we can try taking him off it is because apparently now there are much better drugs out there that are much lower risk for dementia patients so if it turns out he reacts badly to being weened off it, we can try something else.
    So anyways just wanted to let you know that you are not alone, that there should be drugs available that can help and often the hospital stay is best for that so that they can get the exact dosage right. And that that was the last time that Dad was dangerous, at the same time the drug he was given did not change his personality so don't worry either that this means you are losing the man you love...he can come back and hopefully it will be for you as it was, a one off shocking and horrible incident, but one we got over and moved on from.
    Best wishes
  8. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    Hello Wendy,
    It is a herrendous experience that you are going through.
    With the medication in talking to Doctors' the last thing they really like is putting them in the zombie stage.
    Once the medication is at the correct level, although all patients are different they prefer the patient to be in their own inviorement.
    As for the Grandchildren, I can only tell you of my own experince is that my husband always loved the children around him and I found they reacted better to my husband than adults.
    Peter use to laugh and play with them.
    I wish you all the best

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