This is so like my own experience. I had to take the responsibility of putting my Mum in a nursing home four years ago. I have four siblings and they left it to me! Even my Aunt didn't want to make the decision. But luckily, I had such great support from my Mum's doctor and social services.
My Mum had been hallucinating and was sitting in her kitchen at night, all night, because there were people in her bed! It was getting to the stage where she was disturbing her neighbours and doing potentially dangerous things.
That made the decision easier for me, I wanted her safe and cared for. I live in Kent, she lives in Essex. She took to the care home so well, joined in, went on trips, helped with the washing up. Occasionally she'd say she might want to move but she didn't understand she was in a nursing home.
Now it has all changed. She had a fall and broke her hip. The hip was fixed but she can no longer get about and has deteriorated rapidly. Bed-bound and barely eating she is now 7 stone. I visit her every week with my daughter. Three weeks ago she hit that stage we all dread, she didn't know who we were. My daughter cried.
But, we visit her, take her flowers for her bedside, talk to her, hold her hand and talk about the old days and people she knew. She can barely talk now and for some time now what she did say made no sense at all.
People have said to me, 'you lost your Mum a long time ago,' Perhaps, but I still see her every week. She may have changed, drastically, but she's still my Mum.
Never feel guilty, it's a very hard thing to do, but for me it was the only thing I could have done and it was right for Mum.
QUOTE=2jays;1127876]My mum...... Apparently (by others - namely sis) wasn't ready to be moved into care, when I moved her into care.....
I have already warned you that I'm not the best person to reply
It wasn't easy... For me.... Or her....
But mum has thrived being in care.
She was aware enough to be able to join in with activities, to create a relationship, or sorts, with the carers.... and despite wanting to go home all the time I visited.... She felt safe
She was aware enough (sort of) to question why she was at this "hotel" for so long.... Even though her "so long" was as far as she was concerned... a couple of days... and mine a month.... Then 6 months... Then 2 years....
What my sis had problems with.... Was my sis saw what mum would have accepted before she had dementia....
I saw, not easily, with a lot of guilt monster bashing.... That mums world and needs, wasn't our world and her needs were not being met whilst she lived where she was. In her own home
Ok so she was ok (ish) during the day... But at night she was frightened of her dreams, that became her reality, so she had to get out of her house..... And knocked on the doors of her neighbours at 2am to warn them
The struggles she went through in public to join in, to keep up a front, exhausted her. Once she moved into care it seemed she deteriorated.... She didn't.... She just didn't need to try so hard...
It's a never ending "what if" "should I" hindsight and guilt monster fest... this dementia...for the carers.....
So long as you keep in mind....
Her world isn't your world any more....
And....
What your gut feeling is telling you is right... that's the one you should listen to.... Not the guilt or hindsight monster
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