Hello everyone.
My mum has dimentia and I am her son, her only relative. She lives in Brighton and I live in Amsterdam.
I wrote to her GP four years ago to inform him of my concerns. I also contacted social services who told me that as long as she was looking after herself nothing could be done without her permission. My mother has always been a difficult woman and has always denied any problems.
Then last march her dog died sending her into crisis. Suddenly social services were involved because the vet informed them. the GP finally visited. I was advised to get POA which I did. Her lawyer said that simple POA was sufficient at that stage, partly because I live abroad. That was arranged and careers came in for 15 minutes a day. The following year was hell as mum was so resistant. She did befriend one career who was later fired. the career continued to visit in the evenings. luckily neighbours saw this. The career was arrested because mum made accusations of theft against her and the lady had a history of funny business. A police camera was installed at mum's house for three months. the end of that story was that the case was dropped for lack of evidence. throughout that period careers and sosial services said that mum was still cabable to make her own decisions, but that care was advised.
in march this year i visited mum to find her stinking of urine and the house littered with sanitary towels. I called an ambulance. it was a urine infection. the careers report for that morning said that mum had complained of burning, and that I was coming later in the day and the only problem was "wear and tear of the mattress". the ambulance crew were at the point of forcibly removing her from the house after 45 minutes of negotiation. luckily this did not happen.
Mum was in hospital for six weeks. She finally had a CT scan and the diagnosis was dementia.
In that period I was asked to send the POA to the social worker. They replied saying that the POA had not been registered, (strange since the bank accepted it), and that she had no been deemed incapable of making her own decisions that I would have to apply for deputyship.
i went immediatly to the lawyer who told me not to worry. He would go to see mum and arrange a lasting POA.
We are now in July. Mum has gone home with three times a day care for an hour. I must admit i have let things go a bit but yesterday social services were asking me again about all of this. Last night I read about deputyship and I am now really frightened. I never knew this was the system in the UK. I have been abroad for 33 years. I feel cheated because neither the GP, the lawyer or sosial services informed me about the consequenses if no lasting POA had been arranged.
at the risk of repeating myself I am alone with this one. I have no family members to support me and living abroad the whole UK system is something which I am not familiar with.
At 9.00am this morning I will be making phone calls to see if there is any way that lasting POA can be arranged. if I can control the tears and my knotted stomach that is.
I am really sorry to rant on, but at this stage anything is welcome from other forum members.
Thank you so much
Nick
My mum has dimentia and I am her son, her only relative. She lives in Brighton and I live in Amsterdam.
I wrote to her GP four years ago to inform him of my concerns. I also contacted social services who told me that as long as she was looking after herself nothing could be done without her permission. My mother has always been a difficult woman and has always denied any problems.
Then last march her dog died sending her into crisis. Suddenly social services were involved because the vet informed them. the GP finally visited. I was advised to get POA which I did. Her lawyer said that simple POA was sufficient at that stage, partly because I live abroad. That was arranged and careers came in for 15 minutes a day. The following year was hell as mum was so resistant. She did befriend one career who was later fired. the career continued to visit in the evenings. luckily neighbours saw this. The career was arrested because mum made accusations of theft against her and the lady had a history of funny business. A police camera was installed at mum's house for three months. the end of that story was that the case was dropped for lack of evidence. throughout that period careers and sosial services said that mum was still cabable to make her own decisions, but that care was advised.
in march this year i visited mum to find her stinking of urine and the house littered with sanitary towels. I called an ambulance. it was a urine infection. the careers report for that morning said that mum had complained of burning, and that I was coming later in the day and the only problem was "wear and tear of the mattress". the ambulance crew were at the point of forcibly removing her from the house after 45 minutes of negotiation. luckily this did not happen.
Mum was in hospital for six weeks. She finally had a CT scan and the diagnosis was dementia.
In that period I was asked to send the POA to the social worker. They replied saying that the POA had not been registered, (strange since the bank accepted it), and that she had no been deemed incapable of making her own decisions that I would have to apply for deputyship.
i went immediatly to the lawyer who told me not to worry. He would go to see mum and arrange a lasting POA.
We are now in July. Mum has gone home with three times a day care for an hour. I must admit i have let things go a bit but yesterday social services were asking me again about all of this. Last night I read about deputyship and I am now really frightened. I never knew this was the system in the UK. I have been abroad for 33 years. I feel cheated because neither the GP, the lawyer or sosial services informed me about the consequenses if no lasting POA had been arranged.
at the risk of repeating myself I am alone with this one. I have no family members to support me and living abroad the whole UK system is something which I am not familiar with.
At 9.00am this morning I will be making phone calls to see if there is any way that lasting POA can be arranged. if I can control the tears and my knotted stomach that is.
I am really sorry to rant on, but at this stage anything is welcome from other forum members.
Thank you so much
Nick
