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Registered User
Jul 15, 2015
Hello everyone.

My mum has dimentia and I am her son, her only relative. She lives in Brighton and I live in Amsterdam.
I wrote to her GP four years ago to inform him of my concerns. I also contacted social services who told me that as long as she was looking after herself nothing could be done without her permission. My mother has always been a difficult woman and has always denied any problems.
Then last march her dog died sending her into crisis. Suddenly social services were involved because the vet informed them. the GP finally visited. I was advised to get POA which I did. Her lawyer said that simple POA was sufficient at that stage, partly because I live abroad. That was arranged and careers came in for 15 minutes a day. The following year was hell as mum was so resistant. She did befriend one career who was later fired. the career continued to visit in the evenings. luckily neighbours saw this. The career was arrested because mum made accusations of theft against her and the lady had a history of funny business. A police camera was installed at mum's house for three months. the end of that story was that the case was dropped for lack of evidence. throughout that period careers and sosial services said that mum was still cabable to make her own decisions, but that care was advised.
in march this year i visited mum to find her stinking of urine and the house littered with sanitary towels. I called an ambulance. it was a urine infection. the careers report for that morning said that mum had complained of burning, and that I was coming later in the day and the only problem was "wear and tear of the mattress". the ambulance crew were at the point of forcibly removing her from the house after 45 minutes of negotiation. luckily this did not happen.
Mum was in hospital for six weeks. She finally had a CT scan and the diagnosis was dementia.
In that period I was asked to send the POA to the social worker. They replied saying that the POA had not been registered, (strange since the bank accepted it), and that she had no been deemed incapable of making her own decisions that I would have to apply for deputyship.
i went immediatly to the lawyer who told me not to worry. He would go to see mum and arrange a lasting POA.
We are now in July. Mum has gone home with three times a day care for an hour. I must admit i have let things go a bit but yesterday social services were asking me again about all of this. Last night I read about deputyship and I am now really frightened. I never knew this was the system in the UK. I have been abroad for 33 years. I feel cheated because neither the GP, the lawyer or sosial services informed me about the consequenses if no lasting POA had been arranged.
at the risk of repeating myself I am alone with this one. I have no family members to support me and living abroad the whole UK system is something which I am not familiar with.
At 9.00am this morning I will be making phone calls to see if there is any way that lasting POA can be arranged. if I can control the tears and my knotted stomach that is.
I am really sorry to rant on, but at this stage anything is welcome from other forum members.

Thank you so much



Registered User
May 21, 2014
As far as I know the LPA has to be registered with the OPG while the donor has still capacity. If this has not been done, it's invalid now and you have to go down the deputyship route. Capacity is a strange thing though and hard to determine. You can have capacity in one area but not another. For an LPA it is important that the donor understands in the moment what it is and what they are signing. Doesn't matter if they forget the whole thing 5 minutes later. If this is still the case, I don't see why a new LPA would have to be arranged if there is an existing one that just needs registering. So I guess the question is who has decided on your Mum's capacity and was this an official assessment?

I am afraid you have to stay on the ball with social services over here. They like to wait for a crisis but if you tell them there is a vulnerable adult at risk, they have to react. To be honest with you, if someone battles with dementia and incontinence living alone, three carer visits a day are not enough. As hard as it sounds, you ought to think about a care home for her. It would only be fair to improve her quality of life if she had people around that would keep her safe and looked after.

Is your Mum self-funding, ie has she got more than £23,250 in the bank or a house? Then you could in principle arrange this without SS though they ought to provide you with a list of homes.


Registered User
Mar 6, 2007
Wigan, Lancs
As far as I know the LPA has to be registered with the OPG while the donor has still capacity. If this has not been done, it's invalid now
No, the donor doesn't have to have mental capacity at the time the LPA is registered - only when they sign it. It's usually recommended that an LPA is registered as soon as possible so that :

(a) the LPA is ready to be used in an emergency - registration can take up to 12 weeks; and

(b) any mistakes in the LPA can be picked up and rectified whilst the donor retains capacity.

I'm not sure what type of POA has been signed by Nick's mum - if this is not a Lasting Power of Attorney it will automatically be revoked if she has now lost mental capacity and Deputyship is the only option.