Thanks Amy, and everyone else being so supportive. I seem to have two separate threads going at the moment and probably should have posted this here instead, so apologies for repeating myself. It's still early days and it's very difficult to know how much she is processing or understanding at the moment, and how much is down to the stroke, the dementia , her personality or just exhaustion. Probably a combination. Still on the rehab ward, so seems hopeful, but this NG tube situation has really got to me, I know it's just routine stuff and thousands of people have them inserted , and I know it's the only way they are going to get some nutrition into her but , knowing that she may not fully understand what's going on, I just hope they are gentle with her and explain exactly what they're doing and why. I keep thinking what she would do if she had to make this decision for herself, she would probably say yes , being very practical and sensible as she was, if it's necessary do whatever you have to do. I know there are lots of you out there coping with much more on your own but it would have been so good to have a sibling to share this responsibility with. It's been such a shock, on top of what has felt like a constant state of emergency for so long , being on call at all hours, unable to fully relax, have a day or an evening out without expecting the phone call or worrying if she was ok . I know I'm stating the obvious, you are all too well aware of the stretched-nerves syndrome. (Sorry, self pity is my only excuse to eat chocolate and drink wine.)