Hi everyone
Wonder if you can give me some advice. Just a question in case further problems arise.
My mum is in late stage dementia and in a lovely care home. My last post on here just over a year ago was about her sister going in and reprimanding the staff and then insisting on changing mum's clothes and went in with them to do it. Was a horrendous time. The manager was not happy and said we can ban her from going but we wanted to keep the peace and let her continue. She has not given them any trouble since I suspect because they warned her that dad, as next of kin, can ban her if she does anything else.
Mum and her sister had grown apart many years before mum became ill with dementia and she hardly saw mum. She said mum 'turned against her' which is not true.
Anyway, since being in a home she now sees her twice a week and we know mum wouldn't really want her there had she been given a choice.
The sister does not talk to us. Recently she has told their brother who lives overseas lies about our family and it's been devastating. When I spoke to her about it, she admitted it all and when I said how would mum have felt she said "she doesn't know the difference!"
Some of the things she has said and done have given us cause for concern that she may be saying things to mum too. Mum can no longer speak and most of the time is fairly vacant but on the odd day she smiles and responds appropriately to things I have said. The other day she cried when I played her some familiar music from church... it made me realise she's still in there if you know what I mean.
Anyway, my point being if my Auntie is saying things to her, I worry she is taking it in.
It wasn't an issue before because mum was always in the lounge with others but now she is bed bound so visitors are alone with her. Dad would like to stop the sister going but I'm not sure we can legally? The other option is that I visit at the same time as the sister but then mum might pick up on the awkwardness!
We are worried what she is saying when nobody is there that could distress mum but what can we do?
I know many of you may think.......nobody would be that low.........seriously if you knew what this woman has done so far, you would know she could stoop that low!
But stopping her visiting could cause a big headache and is it legal for the next of kin to do that anyway without proof she has done anything?
I see where dad is coming from, mum would not have wanted her there anyway. And we do have reason to believe she could be saying things to mum too but certainly no proof of it.
any advice appreciated.
Wonder if you can give me some advice. Just a question in case further problems arise.
My mum is in late stage dementia and in a lovely care home. My last post on here just over a year ago was about her sister going in and reprimanding the staff and then insisting on changing mum's clothes and went in with them to do it. Was a horrendous time. The manager was not happy and said we can ban her from going but we wanted to keep the peace and let her continue. She has not given them any trouble since I suspect because they warned her that dad, as next of kin, can ban her if she does anything else.
Mum and her sister had grown apart many years before mum became ill with dementia and she hardly saw mum. She said mum 'turned against her' which is not true.
Anyway, since being in a home she now sees her twice a week and we know mum wouldn't really want her there had she been given a choice.
The sister does not talk to us. Recently she has told their brother who lives overseas lies about our family and it's been devastating. When I spoke to her about it, she admitted it all and when I said how would mum have felt she said "she doesn't know the difference!"
Some of the things she has said and done have given us cause for concern that she may be saying things to mum too. Mum can no longer speak and most of the time is fairly vacant but on the odd day she smiles and responds appropriately to things I have said. The other day she cried when I played her some familiar music from church... it made me realise she's still in there if you know what I mean.
Anyway, my point being if my Auntie is saying things to her, I worry she is taking it in.
It wasn't an issue before because mum was always in the lounge with others but now she is bed bound so visitors are alone with her. Dad would like to stop the sister going but I'm not sure we can legally? The other option is that I visit at the same time as the sister but then mum might pick up on the awkwardness!
We are worried what she is saying when nobody is there that could distress mum but what can we do?
I know many of you may think.......nobody would be that low.........seriously if you knew what this woman has done so far, you would know she could stoop that low!
But stopping her visiting could cause a big headache and is it legal for the next of kin to do that anyway without proof she has done anything?
I see where dad is coming from, mum would not have wanted her there anyway. And we do have reason to believe she could be saying things to mum too but certainly no proof of it.
any advice appreciated.
