Newly diagnosed Father, overwhelmed daughter

[JT2702]

Although dad's memory has been failing for a few years, I battled with the GP through covid and he finally had an EMDASS appointment in January where Alzheimer's was diagnosed.
Although I feel we are at the start of this journey, I often come away and have a good cry.
Today was especially bad, everything felt as though it was a negative and no positives so dad was quite angry which of course is directed at me as his carer.
I have read a bit since diagnosis so I know this is quite normal however it is hard.
Sorry, just needed to make contact with those who have been or are going through the same.
Feel deflated

 

[nae sporran]

Hullo and welcome to DTP @JT2702. I remember that feeling when my partner's vascular dementia took a nasty turn for the worse a year and half after diagnosis. Anger and frustrations aimed at the person closest by those with dementia is sadly part of being a carer, so you will certainly find fellow feeling and support here.
Feel free to read more and to ask questions or just let off steam now you have found us.

 

[Izzy]

Welcome to the forum @JT2702.

I’m so sorry to read about your dad’s diagnosis. I can understand how hard it must be for you, and for your dad.

I’m glad you’ve found the forum. There will always be someone here to listen and support. There’s also a wreath of information and factsheets you can dip into as you come across various issues.

Publications and factsheets

We produce a wide range of publications and factsheets designed to support and inform anyone affected by dementia.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

 

[lemonbalm]

Hello @JT2702
My mum has advanced vascular dementia and is in a care-home now but I looked after her for a couple of years myself before that. There have certainly been times when mum has seemed to be made mainly out of fireworks! It's not easy to deal with but I hope that you and your dad have happy times too. Keep posting for advice and support, or just to let us know how things are going. There are lots of us out here to help you along. Here is a link to the much posted compassionate communication thread in the meantime, which might be useful:

Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired

The following piece was posted a while ago on DSF and made a big impression on me. It is something I have referred to time after time and tried hard to follow. We have many new members who may not have seen it before. Yesterday I posted it on another Thread but thought it might be helpful if...

forum.alzheimers.org.uk

 

[RPK777]

Sorry to hear. I think all family caregivers will go through bouts of crying and being down and extremely sad - but know that you are not alone. I am currently going through this with my Mom. There are many of us going through the same thing, albeit different stages and degrees. Hold onto hope - you are stronger than you think

 

[emily23]

Welcome, and thanks for sharing, I am in a similar place to you and finding it very tough as my dad doesn't have insight that there is anything wrong with him and he refuses to hear the "d" word mentioned. I know he must feel frightened underneath it all, but right now he is making things very difficult. Keep sharing on here as and when you feel like it and the resources are very good.

 

[My Mum's Daughter]

@emily23 the "d" word is a banned word in our house. All I say is "Mum you know your memory's not as good as it was so let's just share mine". This is something she's able to accept without causing her any upset.

 

[canary]

I think the time around diagnosis is usually overwhelming. Its the time when doubt is removed and you have to start facing future knowing that it will not go away. Suddenly it feels like an impossible road, but in reality nothing has changed. Your dad hasnt suddenly got much much worse. Yes, he will deteriorate, but not all at once and you will learn how to deal with it - either adjusting yourself, or with advice/support from others (this forum is IMO the best place). Its not easy and there will probably be some rocky times, but you will get through it.

 

[nae sporran]

Sorry to hear. I think all family caregivers will go through bouts of crying and being down and extremely sad - but know that you are not alone. I am currently going through this with my Mom. There are many of us going through the same thing, albeit different stages and degrees. Hold onto hope - you are stronger than you think

A warm welcome to the forums to you too Rpk777. Sorry you are struggling at the moment, I wish you the strength you give to JT2702.