newly diagnosed father-in-law

[scubamum]

Hi my father in law has recently been diagnosed. However, they have not had any information regarding support other than attendance allowance .
Mother in law is just coping but doesn't know who to go to for advice and help. She did speak to someone at the local society but finds it impossible to talk about John whilst he is about, which is all the time now.I can see that she is exhausted as John is up from am every night. Should they be seeking help from social services or via the Gp?
My husband, their son, works abroad and I live a good 2 hours away so am being supportive by phone but am a loss myself as to how to advise.
Sorry if this is covered elsewhere, I am a newbie so am feeling my way here.

 

[Pinkrupee]

Support

Hi my father in law has recently been diagnosed. However, they have not had any information regarding support other than attendance allowance .
Mother in law is just coping but doesn't know who to go to for advice and help. She did speak to someone at the local society but finds it impossible to talk about John whilst he is about, which is all the time now.I can see that she is exhausted as John is up from am every night. Should they be seeking help from social services or via the Gp?
My husband, their son, works abroad and I live a good 2 hours away so am being supportive by phone but am a loss myself as to how to advise.
Sorry if this is covered elsewhere, I am a newbie so am feeling my way here.

Age UK are very helpful, good at giving advice, have a volunteer help service and can point you in the direction of other services and help available, including what you should be able to get from social services. Their website is ageuk.org.uk and advice number Age UK Advice:
0800 169 6565

 

[bilslin]

Hi scubamum sorry to hear about you fil and welcome to TP. I know hoe you mil fills. When I first started on this journey with my mum it was very hard to talk in front of her. It felt abit like I was betraying her in some way but sadly has this disease takes hold the carer needs to be considered too. Has your mil got any help from ss. If not that might be good start also theres crossroads that can dodo a lot. My mum has someone visit her for a few hours a week. So that would give your mil sometime for herself. So good luck. theres always someone to give lots advice here, which is great. lindaxx

 

[scubamum]

thank you so much

Thats very encouraging, thanks for taking the time to reply. i suppose the sticky issue is how to introduce someone new into the home, John knows that something is wrong but no one has said the words dementia or alzheimers to him - mil thinks he would hit the roof ( as all his "problems" are down to her treating him like a child)
Can I ask how you raised the idea? was your mum open to the suggestion?
MIL is feeling lonely, tired and bored at the repetitiveness each day brings.
Should she contact ss and ask for an assessment?

 

[bilslin]

I remember when my dad was in hospital before he died and just happened to mention to mum that he had been talking to the nurse on duty about mum and her Alzheimer's well she hit the roof. But getting back to someone new coming in. I just told mum that she was going to have a visitor once a week to cat and maybe take her out and she never ever said to putting the kettle on. Slowly slowly. Then I got her to go to club once a week..now I'm just waiting for the SW to get her in day centre. So good luck maybe you could say that your mil needs to go and do some shopping or appointment of some kind. Lets us know how you get on. It seems with this disease you sort one thing then the next is easing its ugly head try and keep on top of it. Get as much help as you can. Linda xx Ps mum didn't want to go to club at first but with a little sway we got her there and now she loves it, can also say as things go on sometimes you need to tell little white lies to get thru some stuff

 

[Trisha4]

If she can get him to acknowledge his illness, visits to a memory cafe could be supportive to both. There is a befriending service in our area where volunteers are matched to people with dementia to do things with them which interest them and give carers a break.