Hello, I'm new to this site today. My mother is 80 and is early mid dementia. I am one of three children all in our early 50s, two of which live close, I live 65 miles away. Mum is a really independent person and since her dementia was diagnosed just a year ago, we three have worked as a team to keep her in her home as long as we can. Mum owns her own home and has a few £10ks in savings so is a long way off state care. Some comments: 1. We have had to have a private care package for almost a year. Despite getting £40 per week in attendance allowance, this doesn't even cover the VAT on the care package. I have raised this with Mums MP and after a long delay was advised that it was in accordance with EEC taxation agreements. I have no issue with better off people contributing but for the Government to profiteer I think is a scandal and a disgrace. What's other peoples experience? 2. We have not told Mum of the diagnosis though she has asked whats wrong with her, do you think we're right? 3. We have a big problem at the moment. Mum is utterly terrified of Doctors and hospitals and has become worse with the dementia. She has bad cataracts and glaucoma but has a first cataract op end Feb. She will not go even when told the alternative may be to go blind. I have told her I'll go with her and be at her side all the way through but she wont listen. I am talking to her GP about what could be done to help. I'm ashamed to say I'm losing patience with her. Her kids are stressed out trying to help her and yet she wont help herself! Its a horrible situation - Any suggestions? Rgds & try to keep smiling Ludwig PS The site is brilliant, didn't realise how widespread the problem was.