1. tpot

    tpot Registered User

    Jun 30, 2015
    1
    Hi all,i have been living with a time bomb for the past 2 years.My hubby started forgetting things and getting increasingly aggressive.Having finally plucked up the courage to speak to his doctor i was told nothing could be done until hubby himself accepted that he had a problem.This happened 6 months ago.We have had 2 assessments then yesterday a memory clinic visit on which I had built my hopes of finally getting some help and someone to talk to but was very disappointed and angry that nothing is to be done as he now has to have more indepth tests and a brain scan. is it just me or does everyone go through this terrible feeling of everybody saying yes there is a problem but then not doing anything.The GP has said its almost certainly vascular dementia.Sorry for being a moaner but I'm feeling very alone at the moment and hubby is totally unaware of the stress this causes me.
     
  2. esmeralda

    esmeralda Registered User

    Nov 27, 2014
    3,072
    Devon
    Hi tpot, so sorry you are having such a dificult time. It is even harder when you have no information and just feel abandoned.
    I'm afraid like most of us you will have to go out there and find what support is available. Is there a Carer's organisation in your area? Often the library will have details. Admiral Nurses are supposed to be wonderful. We don't have any in Devon but you can email them. I don't know if you have to have a definite diagnosis but think they would give you advice anyway. Can't post a link but you could google them.
    Unfortunately everything with tests, referrals etc takes a long time and it sounds as though you need support for yourself right now.
    The aggression sounds frightening and worrying. If you think you are in danger or even the possibility that you may be you need to take some steps to keep yourself safe, such as identifying a room where you can lock yourself in, and keeping your mobile with you at all times with the number of the local Domestic Violence Unit saved. Another option is to speak to the DVU and they can advise you on strategies and alarms etc. Apologies if this all sounds over the top and your situation may not be this bad but your safety must be paramount.
    Glad that you have made your way here, you'll find lots of support and good advice. Love and hugs to you. Es
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  3. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    840
    Fife Scotland
    welcome tpot, you are not alone. Mater started like that and even today I am getting the run around. It is almost as if the Docs say well give me proof and I will do something. No-one actually wants to really help and it is pnly when you do all the phone calling etc etc that something will be done.

    My OH has Parkinson's and is also beginning to forget, as you say until they ask for help there isn't a lot we can do.

    You will find a lot of help here, and hugs if you need to rant/vent.
     
  4. Suzanna1969

    Suzanna1969 Registered User

    Mar 28, 2015
    346
    Essex
    Tpot that's dreadful. I would echo Esmeralda's advice and also suggest contacting your local Age UK, I have found mine to be utterly brilliant although I haven't got the problems you have I am sure they will have come across this before and have some suggestions.

    Keep safe and do keep posting, I've found it so helpful and everyone here to be lovely and supportive.
     
  5. chris53

    chris53 Registered User

    Nov 9, 2009
    2,930
    London
    Hello tpot, just wanted to welcome you here to Talking Point, so please don't feel you are alone anymore, yes it is indeed a battle getting these obvious problems diagnosed, everything takes so long and many tests are involved, urine in case there is a UTI, blood tests to see if there are raised sugar levels,low folic acid,thyroid function, low B12 levels to name but a few:eek: all seems to take so much time and there is very little information or enough support offered by the medical profession, both my mum and mum in law have dementia..different forms - vascular for mum in law due to a series of mini strokes and Alzheimers for my mum..6 years on this journey I am still learning:)
    May I suggest you have another consultation with your husbands doctor..on your own..and try to pin point him/her on just how long before medical help is given, take notes on the problems you are having with your husbands memory loss and give them to the doc, above all please keep posting here,someone is usually around to offer their experiences or just lend an ear.
    Take care
    Chris x
     
  6. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    I do know what this is like.Been through a lot of it myself. At least your doctor has mentioned a type of dementia. If he can, ask your doctor to put that on your hubby's records. Getting the official documentation started will help you move forward. Would the doctor do that for you?
     
  7. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,726
    North Somerset
    Welcome Tpot (love the name). We had a similar experience with GP and Mem Clinic. GP wouldn't make referral until he had no other option than to take notice and by then it was too late. Another GP finally referred for brain scan and when Mem Clinic Consultant saw it he said nothing to be done because of his age and referred us back to GPs care. The Alz Society was very helpful in putting us into contact with the right people. I contacted SS with the report from the Mem Clinic and we finally got assessments that way with a bit of prompting from strong minded family members. I dread to think what happens to people who don't know where to go and don't have the benefit of the experience of a lot of TPers to help them. It's so sad when they are pushing dementia awareness yet don't seem to be able to reach out to those of us who need it.
     
  8. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    Ain't that the truth, Verity. I had no one to go to for all those years. It's hard work for us all. I can only thank God for the people I found here.
     
  9. Alan19531953

    Alan19531953 Registered User

    Jun 16, 2015
    36
    Olanzapine and sertraline

    Hope this helps but doc put my wife on low dose of above and the aggression is much reduced. Down side is that she now has swollen ankles but life in this house is much calmer (at least for the moment)!
     
  10. tigerqueen

    tigerqueen Registered User

    Mar 11, 2014
    75
    Essex
    Hi Tpot
    Yes it is frustrating getting to the point where you have a diagnosis, but in my husband's case, he also wouldn't go to the doctor's with his problems. It took a year before the opportunity came up for me to go with him and just "mention" his problems. Even then the doctor was a bit dismissive until I was persistent and he carried out a MMSE and then referred him to the memory clinic. I believe it took about a year for all the relevant tests to be done and a diagnosis of Alzheimers to be made, so he was able to go onto Aricept. So don't give up, you will get there. I also found getting the diagnosis was just as bad, as once it was in black and white, I initially threw myself into doing all the practical things that needed doing, but after that I started grieving for all the things I was losing, my generous and caring husband, our shared interests etc. I had some counselling at that point, which helped to a degree. The advice about the Admiral nurses is good, they don't operate in all areas, but I think you can ring them. I met with one at the annual Alzheimers exhibition in London, and she was lovely. Also for anyone who hasn't been I can recommend the exhibition as very useful for information.
     
  11. elizabeth hc

    elizabeth hc Registered User

    Oct 31, 2012
    49
    I think you have to be polite but forceful with the medical profession. They are very slow and Don,t always acknowledge the carers needs. It is very hard especially when you are feeling low yourself. This site is great for support and info so you don,t feel so alone. Take care and be strong
     
  12. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    987
    Colchester
    Hi

    I think every doctor deals with the diognosis in a different way. It took a whole year to get my husband diognosed.Even when the doctor was given the scan/xray to see,she said it didn't show anything was wrong. After I protested she gave me the scan results and an appointment to the memory clinic. When we saw those people he was diognosed within 5 minutes with vascular dementia. That was 6 years ago.Things should have got better by now. You should get the scan result soon after it is taken ,and I'm sorry to say that it looks like it will be positive .Good luck. I hope you hear soon.x
     

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